Bleed Just to Know You're Alive
by BiBenji
Summary: Everyone says you have to hit rock bottom to climb back up to the top, but maybe, sometimes, you meet some people down there that are your top. What are you supposed to do then? *M* Jade/Cat OOC, Quinn from Glee as well.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey guys. So, I'm back. This story has been mulling in my head for a few weeks so I'm trying to bust it out as fast as I can but I'm not completely sure where it's going just yet. It's a process though so I hope ya'll like it and let me know what you think. Thanks.**

**Xox**

**B**

**Disclaimer: I do not own VicTORious (or Glee) or the characters, just this story that is slowly spilling onto the page, or screen.**

Chpt 1 Jade's POV

_Urgh, I can't believe I let her talk me into this. So fuckin' stupid… 207, where the hell is 20- oh, there it is. _I glanced at the door skeptically, noting the triangular "safe zone" sign posted under the room number. Taking a shaky breath, I peeked into the slit of a window and noticed a few people are already there, clearly looking bored. With another steadying breath, I replaced my "nervous, worrying my lip between my teeth" look with my signature bitch scowl, and pushed through the door. Without making eye contact, I trudged behind a blonde girl with a pink highlight and took one of the many open seats closer to the back of the room. Like most stereotypical support groups, this one is set up with chairs in a circle but with a large rectangular table in the middle. Grey, green eyes chanced a glance up and noticed four other girls all sitting and trying to look busy. Another few minutes pass and two more girls joined the group. It's awkwardly silent so I pulled out my phone and check my Facebook. No notifications, not surprising. Finally, an older Asian woman pops her head in the room and then joins the circle.

"Hello, all," the Asian woman greets the group, only to get a few grunts in response. She glances at her watch and sighs. "Well, let's get started then since we're already a few minutes late. I don't anticipate anyone else joining us." For an ethnic woman, she spoke English like a natural-born citizen. "I am Lynn Wang, but you all can just call me Lynn. I recognize a few of you but for those who don't know, I am a counselor here at Berkley. I am originally from Korea but have lived here since grade school and have a husband who is a Psychiatrist at an office downtown. Why don't we start here at my right and go around introducing ourselves. Just say your name, your grade and major if you have one, where you're from, and a little something about yourself."

Slim fingers slipped my phone back in my front pocket and I looked up at the next girl to introduce herself.

It was the blonde I had passed earlier, now two people away from me. "Yeah, okay, whatever. I'm Quinn. I'm originally from Cincinnatti, Ohio. I'm a Junior Integrative Physiology and Sociology double major. Something about me? I dunno… I was head cheerleader in high school and ran the Celibacy club."

A few people snorted at the weird combination of interests but hid their smiles behind their hands when Quinn shot them icy glares. "Thank you, Quinn, it is nice having you with us. Next?" Lynn inquired.

"Hey, I'm Jordan," a shorter brunette with coffee-colored skin said, seated next to me. "I'm a freshman and undeclared but plan to go into International Studies and go into Law eventually. I'm from Denver, Colorado and am adopted."

I waited a few seconds before finally speaking but kept my gaze focused on my hands in my lap. This was the last place I wanted to be. "I'm Jade, I'm a Theater and Music double major and a Sophomore. I'm originally from Canada but I've lived in California since I was nine," I mumbled quietly.

"Very nice, Jade, and something interesting about you?"

"Oh, um… I'm an only child." It wasn't true, really, but might as well be.

"Thank you, Jade." They continued around with the other five people before the last girl introduced herself.

A small voice coughed awkwardly before speaking. "I'm Catarina, but everyone calls me Cat or C. I'm a sophomore in the Music and Dance department and am from San Francisco. I have an older brother who can't go a month without ending up in the hospital for some reason."

My eyes snapped up when I heard the familiar voice. It was the only time I had looked anyone in the eye, really, since I got to Berkley 15 months before. What surprised me the most, though, was how much Cat had visibly changed since graduation. Gone was the vibrant, red velvet hair. She now wore her long locks in its natural, deep brunette color and soft ringlets. The extremely short shorts that use to show off her toned, dancer legs and colorful tops were replaced with loose, dark jeans and a navy v-neck t-shirt, even in the late summer California heat. But more than the visible differences were her eyes. Cat only met my emerald eyes for a few seconds while she was talking, having also recognized me as a high school friend, but in the short time, I realized that there was no sweet innocence in those dark orbs. The child-like light that use to shine through and make her eyes seem like milk chocolate was missing, and replaced with something much duller. I couldn't figure out what it was, but this tiny girl across the circle from me was not in any way the same girl I knew a year and a half ago.

Lynn explained the way the support group was going to work for the rest of the year and how the space and time was a safe zone, so anything shared there was kept completely private unless it was information pertaining to harming someone else or themselves. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement to the confidentiality and were then excused early, being that it was just the first day, and told to meet back in the same room on Saturday at 2:00pm.

I grumbled, having forgotten that the group met twice a week, but sighed when my phone vibrated with a text message from Mom.

**Mom:**

**You went to the meeting, right, Jadelyn?**

**Jade:**

**Yes mom. We just got out. I said I'd go so I'm going, but I never promised to get anything out of this.**

**Mom:**

**That's fine, as long as you go. If I find out otherwise, you know the consequences.**

I sighed again but didn't reply. I hated being reminded of how I was conned into going to this stupid abuse group. If I didn't go, my mom would pull funding for school and I would be forced to drop out. Being that my only passions were through school, there was no way in hell I was letting Mom take that away from me. So if that meant having to sit through an hour and a half of awkward group meetings twice a week, so be it.

I was so caught up in inner monologue that I didn't notice Quinn coming up beside me as we walked out the double doors. "Hey," the blonde said.

"Mhmm," I replied, not sparing the older girl a glance.

Quinn chuckled at the my apparent indifference. "So, Jade, huh? That your real name?"

Steely eyes shot the blonde a glance, "No, but no one is allowed to call me by my given name, not even my mother. Though she doesn't seem to understand that." The last part I said more under my breath.

"That's cool, whatever. Quinn isn't mine either, it's my middle name, but I dropped my first when I revamped my life before high school. So, Jade, I have an hour before practice, do you want to grab lunch in the fish bowl," she asked, referring to the main eatery on campus near the Student Union.

The brunette was quick to object. "Yeah, no. I've got better things to do with my time, thanks," I snapped with sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Yeah, I can tell you are crazy busy with how aimlessly you have been walking in a circle around the Quad this whole time," Quinn answered with the same snarkiness, catching my blush. "C'mon, I was nice enough to ask last time but this time you don't get that pleasantry." With that, the taller girl grabbed my arm and dragged me in the direction of the fish bowl.

Both of us stood in line for several minutes before reaching the front. Quinn grabbed a Chicken Caesar wrap and I decided on just a salad, after noticing how tiny my blonde counter part was and feeling self-conscious. I am in no way over weight or anything, but Quinn certainly had the body of a cheerleader and, never having been into team sports, I felt a little out of my element. We paid with a meal swipe and sat at the end of a table near the windows over looking the soccer fields.

I was the first to break the relatively comfortable silence, still forking my salad, "So, um, what sport do you play?"

Quinn raised an eyebrow at me, "And how do you know I play anything?"

"Oh, uh, you said you had practice later so… I just assumed…" _What the hell was that? I never stutter. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Pink lips curled up into a smirk, "Ah, so you were listening. Good to know I'm worth listening to. And I play for the Lacrosse team, I'm actually captain this year."

"Hmm, didn't peg you as a serious sports player, not that you don't look it. You definitely have the body. Just saw you more on the dance team or cheerleading still… Wait, isn't lacrosse not until like the spring or something?"

"For someone who is into the arts, you sure seem to know a lot about team sports. And yeah, I get that a lot. I grew to hate cheerleading and only dance for fun. I use to play lacrosse on a club team so I got recruited to play here. And yes, it is in spring but we have training and conditioning the first 4 months of school and then indoor during winter."

"Explains why you're such a twig," I said, finally cracking a small smile. "And I am trying not to take offence to the "arts" comment. I'm full of surprises."

We continued to banter back and forth for the remaining hour and surprisingly got along really well. It was the first time since I got to Berkley that I felt a real connection to someone. Our personalities were similar in that both of us were sarcastic and had "head bitch" attitudes, but for some reason, that seemed to work in our favor. When Quinn got up to head out to practice, we traded numbers and decided to hang out Friday night after classes and catch a movie or party or something.

I waved off my athletic friend and turned to head back to my dorm. I lived in the Upperclassmen suite-styled dorms that lined the east side of campus and were, unfortunately, the farthest away from the Theater buildings. On my twenty-minute walk across campus, I spotted the used-to-be redhead sitting on the ledge of a fountain in the middle of a grassy park. Against my better judgment, something drew me to the girl and made my feet carry me right up next to the petite frame.

Dark eyes looked up when I approached, and caused me to pause my motions when I noticed the completely vacant expression on the smaller girl's face. Being the amazing actress she is and always has been, Cat quickly flashed me a small smile but her eyes were still void of emotion.

"Hello, Jade," she stated quietly, looking back into the fountain.

I sat down on the ledge, a few feet away from my old friend. "Hey, Cat. Um, so how are you?"

Cat giggled at my awkwardness, but it wasn't the light bubbles I remembered from high school. "Well, I'm doing as well as you can be when your forced into going to an abuse support group, I guess," she said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Yeah, I get that, it definitely was not my choice to go to that thing," I retorted with a grumble.

We sat in an uncomfortable silence again while I searched my brain for anything else to say to the girl I use to not be able to shut up for more than five minutes. But, as I kept reminding myself, this was not Cat Valentine, annoyingly hyper and somewhat bipolar girl who ate sweets like they were her lifeline. This was someone completely different, and for whatever reason, I wanted to get to know the girl again.

"I never knew where you ended up going to school," Cat stated quietly.

I hummed in response. "I didn't tell many people where I was going, not even Beck."

Surprised, the dancer raised her head, "Why? He was like the only person who you ever talked to without being a bitch."

I had to smile at that one. "I was still a bitch to him, too. But I didn't want anyone from my past following me. I needed a clean break from high school so I could start over. I figured, even if we all stayed in California, the likelihood of ever seeing someone again was slim considering the large populations."

"Sorry for ruining your clean break," Cat replied, ducking her head in shame.

I frowned at her defeated tone of voice. It was like the girl truly was disappointed in herself for, unknowingly, messing up something I had tried to do. Like, somehow, this was her fault.

"It's not like you stalked me and went to that group for no reason. Not your fault the universe just had to fuck with our lives enough to bring us back together again."

"Do you really think it was fate we both went to Berkley and the same abuse group?"

I thought over that for a few minutes before answering, not really one to believe in destiny but I couldn't deny the unreal-ness of this situation. "Yeah, I do. I don't have any idea why, but I think things happen for a reason and we don't learn what that reason is until after we let things pan out the way they should." I nodded my head to help solidify my point.

Cat pursed her lips together and nodded slightly, looking back into the water. We let the sound of the fountain envelope our silence for a few minutes before I stood back up.

"Well, it has been… um, interesting seeing you again, Cat. I have to be honest, I almost feel like you have a twin, 'cause this is not the Cat I knew at Hollywood Arts, but I'd like to get to know this side of you, if you want that is," I said, a tint of a bashful blush coating my cheeks.

Pulling out her phone, Cat handed it to me. "Add your number again, I'll text or call you sometime and we can get coffee or something, assuming you still have a caffeine obsession." A shadow of a smile flashed across her lips.

I saved my number and smiled, "I do, sadly. Maybe Saturday before group, I have plans with a friend this week and a script due Friday so I'm kinda busy 'til the weekend."

"Sure, I'll text you later and we'll figure it out. Have a good evening, Jade," Cat said, waving me off, and practically pushing me to leave.

With a frown, I waved goodbye and finished my walk to my dorm. I dropped my backpack on the ground by my bed, flipped on my iPod dock and fell face-first onto the bed. It was days like these that I was grateful to not have a roommate (my roommate from my freshman year had made sure everyone knew how difficult it was to share a room with a cold-hearted bitch so I was left single this year). With another sigh and images of the "new Cat" flashing through my mind, I let myself slip into a light nap.

Groaning, I rolled over and angrily wiped the sleep from my eyes as my phone vibrated in the pocket I had been sleeping on. It only pulsed twice, signaling a message and I was tempted to just ignore whoever it was and give in to dream world again when the caller ID caught my eye. I held the phone above my head and squinted into the light, trying to make out the text. _Someone's cocky, I never should have let her name herself in my phone…_

**Blonde Bombshell:**

**Hey there, Beautiful. How was your afternoon? –Q**

**Jade:**

**Hey yourself. It was okay, ran into someone from my past who is also in group with us but we didn't talk much. Otherwise I was napping until my phone so rudely interrupted. –J**

**Blonde Bombshell:**

**Really? Who did you know in group? Sorry bout waking you up, I just got done with training and lifting so I thought I'd see what you were up to. –Q**

**Jade:**

**Yeah um idk if you remember a girl named Cat but she was the last to introduce herself. We went to high school together in Hollywood. Damn, that's a long ass practice, I am not envious of you. Tho I imagine you love it or you wouldn't keep doing it. –J**

**Jade:**

**Plus you prolly look hot all sweaty and glistening. –J**

_Shit, what the fuck? Why did I just send that to her? God, really? I know I'm a flirt but never with people I hardly know, and NEVER with another girl. I must be more tired than I thought, jeez._

**Blonde Bombshell:**

**Ah, someone imagining me in tiny clothes and wet? ;) But yes I member her, real quiet? Brother's accident prone? –Q**

**Jade:**

**Yeah that's her. And no, I was not picturing that, but thanks for putting those images in my head! –J**

**Blonde Bombshell:**

**Not a problem, babe. ;) But hey, I'm guna go shower (yes, get naked and more wet =b) so I'll text you tomorrow okay? –Q**

**Jade:**

**Yeah, have a good one Q. –J**

I had to take a deep breath to control my erratic breathing and calm the intense heat that had risen to my cheeks. _I don't know what it is, but this girl is going to kill me. _With that thought, I pushed myself off the bed and into the bathroom to get ready for bed and then turned in for the night, dreaming of the Cat I once knew and the blonde who kept making me blush and feel weird.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Kay, here's the next part. Just a heads up, there are obvious triggers in this story considering they are in an abuse group so just keep that in mind when reading. Here's a glimpse into Cat's world now. Thx**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 2 Cat's POV

It was weird seeing Jade again. She was completely different from how she was in high school and yet, somehow, still kind of the same. She had let her hair go back to its natural color and took out the highlights. She scrapped the "goth" look and favored more loose fitting clothing, but still wore dark colors. But more than that, she wasn't nearly as guarded by anger as she had been. It was the first time I saw real emotion other than fury in her eyes, and it kind of scared me. I'd seen her a few times on campus before that meeting, but never once thought it was really her. Sure, seeing her sent a pang of hurt through my chest and made it hard to breathe, but I always rationalized that it couldn't be her. No one knew where she went after graduation, she just up and left. Plus, Berkley is huge, so the likelihood of it being the girl from my past was so slim I just chocked it up to everyone having a look-a-like somewhere. Just my luck that it would be her.

I felt bad when she said she hadn't told anyone where she went on purpose, to get away from her past. I kind of fucked that up for her, I guess. But I understand it. Like Jade, I made a point to not go to a college that any of our friends had decided to go to. I spent four years (and more) playing this part, but I made a promise to myself that when we graduated, that would drop. The mask would fall 'cause no one would know me wherever I went. I didn't have anyone to impress or a role I had to play.

But of course, that got all sorts of messed up that day. I know she saw the obvious changes in me. I can only imagine how I look in Jade's eyes. Sadly, it's the first time she's seen me when I'm not hiding. It's the first time she's actually _seen_ me. And I don't think she liked what she saw. But that's none of my concern anymore. I don't care what others think of the tiny girl who barely talks and spends basically all of her time alone when she isn't in class. So, by default, I can't care what she thinks either.

Sitting up on my bed, I winced and hissed in pain. It still slightly amazes me that I can forget when I do shit like this. Absently, I run my fingers over it lightly before forcing my body up and towards the bathroom. Tia, my roommate and fellow Dance major, was already up and in her first class. Even though the Dance department is tiny, we only had one class together since she focused on Ballet and Jazz and I stuck to Modern and Hip-Hop. I sighed and gazed at her brightly colored side of the room. We had a pretty large dorm room, since we were upperclassmen, and it was suite styled. A large combined room with lofted beds, dressers and a desk for each of us. Then a small kitchen off to the side and an en suite bathroom next to it. My eyes trailed over the colorful posters of dancers in poses, the flowery comforter, and furry stuffed animals covering her bed. It made me smile sadly at how much this girl was almost my twin, or would have been if we'd met in high school. She was still so innocent and child-like. I was dreading having to share a room again this year, but our arrangement actually worked out well. We had similar schedules so rarely had time to be in the room, let alone together, and when we were both here, it was almost an unspoken rule that if she wanted to hang with friends she went elsewhere. Otherwise, we'd have weekly movie nights on Sundays and just spent the time talking about everything and nothing. I may not be the most social person anymore, but I still liked meeting people and talking to those close to me, which were few and far between. And, thankfully, Tia knew me well enough to not push it when she could tell I wasn't up for mindless chatter. I was shaken out of my thoughts as my alarm blared at me, reminding me it was still Friday so I had to get my ass in the shower and ready for class.

It had been a long day. We were working on a new play that would be on stage in a few months and I was cast as one of the leading roles. It wasn't anything new, but I still got a little thrill when I was granted a big role. It shouldn't surprise me, though, that acting came second nature for me, when it was pretty much my daily life for the better part of 6 years. Wiping the sweat from my brow, I grabbed my water bottle and smiled lightly at a few girls who were in one of my hip-hop technical classes as they waved and left the studio. Just as I was lifting my sweaty t-shirt over my head, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Tia, telling me I didn't have a choice but to go to a party with her tonight. Sighing, I replied back.

**C:**

**Really, T? I'm not so much in the mood for this tonight… **

**T:**

**Yes, really. You have only been out like once since the first party so yes, you're coming. It's just a dance party. Besides, I need a DD ;)**

Even though I tried not to smile, I couldn't hold back the chuckle that slipped from my lips at my friend's antics.

**C:**

**Fine, but you owe me for this. I'm just finishing up dance, then have to meet with my modern group for an hour so I'll see you back home in a few hrs and we'll go… You're lucky I like you.**

**T:**

**You're the best! Love you hun xoxo**

By the time I was done with practicing with my modern group and grabbing a late bite for dinner, it was dark and getting late. When I got to our room, Tia was sprawled out on her bed on her stomach, legs kicking in the air mindlessly, while she was tapping away on her laptop and humming to a new Kelly Clarkson song that was playing from her iHome.

Dark eyes looked up at me and she smiled, "Hey, C. How was practice?"

I gave her a small smile back and dropped my bag by my bed before crawling up next to her and using her back at a pillow. "It was exhausting. Sometimes I wonder how these people are dance majors, but then I remember we're only in our second year and it makes me cringe."

Her hearty laugh filled the room. Though my roommate was mixed and really just looked like she had a great tan and was possibly Italian, it was characteristics like her laugh that brought out her African side.

"Yeah, it kills me sometimes, too."

I rolled over so I could look at what homework she was working on. It was the assignment we had for History of Dance due next week, such an over achiever. "So, who's party are you dragging me to this time?"

"This guy, Darren, and his roommates are having a party at their house," she said, pulling nervously on a loose curl that fell around her face.

I raised an eyebrow at her obviously nervous behavior. "This 'Darren' the same one you got with on and off last year?"

She paused and bit her lip before nodding. I just sighed. There wasn't much I could do here. She had explained their relationship to me months ago when we met the first few weeks and it was obvious she loved him, he was just a complete ass and never seemed to treat her well, always trying to get in her pants. Thankfully, she was smart enough to know not to give it to him, and saving her first time for someone who actually treated her decently.

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm coming then. But you're not spending the night 'cause I'm not dealing with drunk, horny guys by myself all night." With that I jumped off the bed and headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready to leave.

The night was warm so I decided on a short, black jean mini skirt and a dark red tank top for the occasion. My gorgeous roommate, on the other hand, dressed it up a bit with her blue, cotton tub-top dress. Tia's small, like me, maybe only an each taller so, like 5'3" but had muscular legs that dwarfed mine. She was also bigger than me in the chest area. The darker girl constantly was cursing her mother's Latin genetics for her thicker legs and her Black grandmother's for leaving her with a voluptuous bust. As she puts it, "it makes shopping a living hell trying to find something that I won't drown in but won't suffocate my boobs either". Linking arms, we headed across the street and through the few blocks of neighborhoods towards the party. I know what you're thinking: "Didn't Tia say you were her designated driver?" And you're right, she did. But I guess "DD" isn't the correct term, technically. I'm the "DW" tonight, as in "designated walker". When ever we go to parties, which isn't often, one of us stays relatively sober so we can walk the other one home safely and make sure nothing bad happens while at the party. And since we both don't have cars on campus, we only go to parties within walking distance and avoid the dangers of driving in California on a weekend night.

It was just past 10:00 when we walked up the porch of the obvious college house. It was what you'd expect it to be when four underage guys live there: loud music blaring through not-the-best-speaker system, couches pushed to the walls of the living room to have space for a make-shift dance floor, beer pong table set up near the kitchen, teenage bodies strewn about the house holding red solo cups and talking loudly over the music, and of course the occasional couple who looked to be about having sloppy sex on the couches or against a wall. It was not my scene. I just sighed and squeezed the arm in mine slightly before being dragged to the kitchen for a drink. Tia poured us each a shot of what looked like cheap tequila while I made us cran-vodka mixed drinks to wash them down with. With a clink of the shot glasses and a wink at each other, we tossed them back and grimaced at the horrible burn that the alcohol caused. It surprised me the first time I took a shot last year at a party similar to this one, considering I had never drank before college, I expected to choke and sputter at the acidic taste, but instead I just welcomed the internal burn. We threw back one more shot before grabbing our drinks and deciding to go look around and see who else we knew at the party.

Turns out, Kayla and Kara, two other girls who we knew from our floor, were there as well so we all chatted in the living room and observed our more intoxicated peers. It didn't take long for the shots to make themselves known in my system, being that I hadn't eaten much that night, so I decided to hold off on another one when the other three girls headed back into the kitchen. Heading over to one of the few empty couches, I sat gingerly on the edge and continued to look around at the blur of faces, occasionally wrinkling my nose to the smell of too much axe spray and sweat/body odor that wafted around the room. After a while, Tia came back, hand-in-hand with Darren and said they were going to dance so she pulled me up with her. The bass was thumping hard and vibrating the floors but I let myself go and just moved with the music. Next to acting and singing, dancing came completely naturally to me and always had. Tia grabbed my hand and pulled me flush against her front while she was rubbing her backside against a clearly aroused Darren. She was drunk. The girl was always pretty affectionate but she only danced on me like this if she was intoxicated. She knew my feelings on the matter so it didn't bother me as much as it did the first time she had pressed herself to me. I closed my eyes and breathed in her familiar scent that had come to relax me. It wasn't long before she leaned in closer and pressed her plush lips against mine. Like every time before, I held her steady with my hands on her hips and kissed her back with my eyes closed tightly. We got a few catcalls and some guy came up behind me, making his arousal evident when it pressed into my back. I broke our kiss to look at the guy behind me. I'd never seen him before but he wasn't bad looking. Either way, it didn't matter, he was just a body to dance with. We danced at a four-person line for a while, Tia kissing me a few more times, before the guy (who I still didn't know the name of) pulled me by the hand towards the stairs.

Turns out, he must have been one Darren's roommates since he high-fived the African-American guy dancing with Tia before pulling me up the stairs. I just trailed behind, not resisting. I shot Tia a look saying I'd be back soon and to not even think about leaving the dance floor while I'm gone; she just smiled sadly at me in her drunken haze. Before I made it all the way up stairs, I caught a pair of green eyes I hadn't noticed were watching me this whole time. Jade stood by the front door, leaning against the door jam with a drink in hand, nodding absently to the blonde next to her, who I recognized as the blonde with a highlight from group. I don't know what it was about the way she was looking at me but it made me feel more ashamed and dirty than I usually do. After a few moments that seemed to last hours, I broke her gaze and followed the guy down the hall towards what I assumed was his room.

After kicking out a couple who was making out on his bed, the guy (who I learned later's name was Kevin), closed the door and locked it before locking his rough lips on mine. I closed my eyes and pushed my mind into the familiar nothingness, trying to imagine myself anywhere but here. As he groped at my breasts, he lead me to his unmade bed and laid me down before crawling on top of me. I kept my eyes closed but could hear the zipping sound of his pants and the rustling of clothing when he pushed my skirt up and panties off. Normally when this happens, I can make myself completely numb while they pound their sweating bodies into me. I can act on autopilot, making all the right noises, when they pinch my nipples and bite my neck. But for some reason, all I could see behind my eyelids was Jade's concerned face. She knew what was going to happen. I could see shock, concern, and most importantly disappointment in those emerald eyes and that just about ripped me in half. He was done in a few minutes and pulled out to zip up his pants again. I rearranged my panties and skirt again, smoothing out my shirt. I breathed a sigh of relief when I noticed the used condom on the floor when I walked out; I had been so distracting in seeing Jade that I had forgotten completely to make sure he used protection.

When I got back down stairs, I didn't see the dark haired girl anywhere so I just searched for my roommate. She was making out with Darren on one of the couches and he was letting his hand travel higher and higher up her bare thigh. I kicked his shin, making him pull back and yelp in pain, before protesting and calling me a bitch. I just smirked at him with as much hate in my eyes as I could muster and pulled Tia up. The girl was hammered by this point, so I told her we were leaving now. She let me lead her towards the door without protest. As we stepped off the porch to make our way home again, those eyes stopped me again. The two girls were outside sharing a cigarette. I nodded to Jade with a small smile, avoiding her knowing gaze before pulling Tia out of the yard and back through neighborhoods. When I chanced a glance behind me, Jade was still watching me with an unreadable expression.

It took us significantly longer to get home than it did to get there considering we had to stop twice to let Tia empty the contents of her stomach into the gutter. I never could handle people being sick, so I held her hair and rubbed her back while trying to hold my breath and look away. Once home I helped her out of her dress and into the shower, washing her body and hair lightly while still supporting the majority of her weight. Thank god she's not much bigger than me or it would have proven much more difficult. Drying her off, I put her in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before helping her into bed. I tucked her in and kissed her forehead before turning back to my own clothes to get ready for bed. Just as I was slipping under the sheets and clicking off the light, Tia mumbled something.

"I dun know why youz alwaysss do dat, C… You not ea-easy an-an don hafta let 'em touch you…"

I sighed into the darkness and stared at my ceiling. She didn't understand why I let guys use me for sex, and honestly, I don't really either. But it's just something that happens and something I'm used to so I just let it happen and tell myself it can't hurt me since I dissociate myself so much during those episodes. I listened to the deep breathing across the room and rolled over, thinking my roommate was asleep.

"I love you, C, don forget that… ever." It was whispered so quietly I almost thought I had imagined it. A hot tear trailed out of my left eye and dripped off the bridge of my nose. It was rare for me to feel much of anything after one of these nights, usually just forgetting anything ever happened, but tonight I felt completely dirty and worthless. Sniffling back more hot tears, I whispered "I love you, too" back and listened to my heart beat that was the only thing that let me know I was still alive.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here you get a glimpse of these girls' stories. Hope you enjoy, I'll try to update soon.**

**Xox**

**B**

**(Still don't own these characters or the show)**

Chpt 3 Jade POV

I furiously rubbed at my eyes and sighed heavily for the fifth time in twenty minutes. Glancing over at my alarm, I grumbled and flopped over onto my stomach. It was far too early for me to be awake on a SATURDAY and yet, here I was, unable to shut off my mind.

Quinn had invited me to some party with her the night before after her scrimmage so by the time we finally got to the house (of a guy she had slept with once or something), the party was already in full swing. Honestly, I have no idea why I even agreed to go to that thing. I like to drink as much as the next college kid, but I cannot stand house parties like that. I'd much rather have a few friends over and drink while watching crappy movies or playing stupid games or just talking. But the music was so loud, Quinn had to practically yell into my ear for me to make out her words, and the beer tasted like watery piss. Not that I know what piss tastes like, but you catch my drift. While I hated the environment, I was starting to really enjoy the company I was with. Quinn was an interesting girl with an interesting past and questionable morals: just my kind of girl.

What I didn't expect to see and what was now plaguing my mind was Cat. But not just Cat; Cat who was being led up stairs, obviously to the guy's bedroom from the look on his face, and who's eyes were so vacant when she looked at me. I honest to God shuddered when her gaze locked on mine. It was almost like she was dead inside at that moment. I couldn't help but be confused, worried, and slightly disappointed in the sight before me. And my disappointment registered with her because there was a flash of something in those dark eyes, something that was not there before. Almost like regret or shame. When I saw her again, basically carrying her friend home, she did everything not to meet my eyes. It was then that I knew she was ashamed of what she knew I knew had happened. What I couldn't understand, though, was why, if she was truly ashamed, did she go through with it?

I groaned again and shoved my head deeper into my pillow, trying to force these uncomfortable thoughts of Cat out of my head. It didn't work, but to exacerbate the awesome headache I could feel coming on from drinking the night before. Pushing my covers off, I ran a hand through my hair and grabbed my phone. 8:42 am. Yep, definitely should not be awake right now when we didn't get back 'til almost 3. I decided that I might as well get up since my mind clearly wasn't letting me sleep anymore, and threw on some sweats before grabbing my ID and water bottle and headed down stairs to the gym.

One of the only perks of living on campus still is free access to all of the school-owned facilities, which included a number of workout facilities scattered around. I lucked out and managed to be placed in a dorm that had a small, but efficient, facility in its basement. I pushed open the door that led from the stairwell to the workout room and welcomed the silence. It was still pretty early on in the semester so a lot of people didn't know about this place and it was early enough on a Saturday morning to be free of basically everyone. Some of the TVs that hung over the mirrored wall were turned on to various sports and news shows and let out a low buzz of random conversation. That, paired with the whirling of a few fans, lulled me into a trance as I stepped onto an Eliptical and put my ear buds in. Most people, other than Beck and Cat, didn't know I actually have a thing for working out and staying fit. I'm not into team sports, never have been good working with a lot of other people and depending on others, but I prefer to get a good sweat in five days out of the week or more if I can manage it time-wise.

I was 34 minutes into my run and dripping sweat when my phone vibrated next to my water bottle on the platform before me. I grabbed it with shaking hands and slide the bar to read the text. It was from an unknown number.

**3162748334:**

**Hey, Jade. It's Cat. I just was curious if you were still up for coffee before group today. Well um lemme know. Thx. C**

To say I was shocked would be a massive understatement. First of all, because I had completely forgotten we had even discussed the possibility of getting coffee before group today, and secondly (and mostly) because I assumed Cat was too ashamed or embarrassed by last night to even want to see me again. Especially considering she wouldn't look at me before she left. I just gaped at my phone for a few minutes, evidently lost in thought, until movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. Some guy in a cut-off shirt and backwards baseball hat came strutting in and started setting up the squat racks with the 25 lbs plates. I looked up and caught his eye, seeing him smirk slightly as he put another large plate on the bar. All I could do was smile inwardly and shake my head. Guys were all the fucking same. Every single one of them. I was just hoping that he pulled a hamstring with that weight and not warming up first; it'd teach him to not be such an ass and try to impress people. I glanced back down and reread the text message before saving Cat's number in my phone and writing back.

**Jade:**

**Sure, I'm working out now n need to shower so give me like an hr n a half n I'll be ready. How bout Vic's in the UMC?**

**Cat:**

**I'll see you then. C**

With that, I placed my phone back down and returned to focusing on my work out. I only had another 12 minutes left and then an abs circuit so it didn't take long for me to leave the meathead to his ridiculous workout and head back up stairs. I showered lazily, letting the hot water sooth my soon-to-be tight muscles and washed up. Dressed in simple jeans with a hole at the knee and a black cami, I grabbed my purse and headed towards the University Memorial Center (aka UMC, aka student union building).

It was an overcast day, but surprisingly still pretty warm for late September. For a Saturday, the UMC was pretty busy. Most people were students who looked to be studying or doing some sort of responsible thing that likely had to do with school work, but there were a few older people milling around at tables set up in the hallways trying to get us to sign up or support something they represented. I rarely graced the UMC with my presence because it often felt like I was being harassed by those people. So I just made sure to have my headphones in and not make eye contact as I walked towards Vic's coffee. As I stood behind a couple of girls who were ordering, I checked the time. I was early by like ten minutes so I wasn't surprised to not see my smaller brunette coffee partner anywhere nearby. I ordered a regular latte with triple shots of expresso (What? I was slightly hungover still even after my run and shower) and waited for the barrista to hand me the cafinated goodness. I thanked the girl with a shy smile (I know, it's weird that I smile at people now, get over it, I'm not always a bitch) and grabbed a table near the windows. The clouds looked angry and I was pretty sure we were in for a summer storm before the day was out.

Too caught up in gazing at the sky, I hadn't noticed when Cat got there until she was sitting across from me, paper cup in hand with what looked like regular coffee and cream. I raised my eyebrow at her and saw her mouth twitch into a small smile, probably at my confusion.

"What?" she asked, quietly sipping her drink.

"Since when do you drink coffee? You used to remind me every day in high school how much you hated the taste when I'd come to school with a coffee in hand or Beck would bring me one."

Her eyes cast down, studying the liquid in the paper cup, before sighing heavily. "Yeah, well, there are a lot of things about me that would likely surprise you. I'm not the same girl you knew back then."

I couldn't help but make a sarcastic remark to that one. "No shit." Her eyes shot up with a look of slight fear and something resembling hurt in them, but the emotion was quickly brought into check and washed away. My face softened. "I feel like I don't know you at all anymore."

"You don't. But to be fair, you never really knew me in the first place."

I was hurt at that. I never really had friends in high school. Sure there was Tori and Andre and Robbie but I wasn't really friends with them. I tolerated them more than anything. And I couldn't say I was friends with Beck when in reality we never really were friends before we were dating and we certainly weren't once we split up. But, to some extent, I considered Cat to be my friend. Probably the closest thing I had to a best friend. Yes, I was a bitch to everyone, but I was easier on her. I guess I just always figured that for someone to be so regressed into childhood, there life is either a complete joke or something shitty happened to make them like that. I assumed it was the second one because in all the years I knew Cat, I never once met her parents or went over to her house. In fact, the only family she ever spoke of was her brother, and half the time I wasn't sure if I could believe what she said about him, considering I had never met the guy. But I was nicer to Cat, and I tried to at least make something of our relationship. For some reason I have yet to understand, I felt like I had a connection to the girl somehow. Her voice tore me out of my thoughts again.

She was looking at me with intensely sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Jade. It's not like I really was meaning to block you out. I just didn't know how to do it any differently. It just became habit."

I really wanted to ask her what had become habit, but I could see by the pain in her eyes that it wasn't something she really wanted to talk about so I opted for a lighter topic. "It's okay, though I do miss the red hair. It made it really easy to pick you out of a crowd, especially since you're so short," I said, shooting her a playful smile.

"I kinda miss it too," she replied, playing with a strand of the now brunette hair, "But it had to go with the rest of it. Besides, can you imagine the looks I'd get on this campus looking like a stop sign?" Cat giggled lightly at the thought and I had to smile hearing that beautiful sound again.

"That's probably true, though I am sure you could have pulled it off and before you knew it, people would come back from weekends with newly dyed hair because you made it fashionable."

She blushed at my round-about compliment and took another sip of coffee. Having forgotten mine, I took a few large gulps of the warm liquid to help fill the silence. We sat and chatted about classes and how things were going so far in our majors and reminisced some on past memories that would come up. It was nice just sitting and talking with Cat. I don't think I had ever really had a full-blown conversation with her in the four years we went to school together, so that was a nice change. Once our coffees were gone, we headed back out towards the Advisory building for group. We were a little early, but with it being a good 15-minute walk away and the clouds deciding to make me a fortune-teller and dump water on us, the extra time was needed.

By the time we made it to the Advisory building, we were both soaked from head to toe and laughing at the mess that was now our hair and make up. I looked over at Cat as she wrung out her hair and smiled. It was nice to finally see her smile reach her eyes again. That familiar light that I hadn't seen since high school was back, albeit a little dimmer, but still there. When she pulled her hair over her left shoulder, my eyes were drawn to the slightly bruised patch of skin on her neck that was likely coated in cover up earlier but the rain had washed it away. She noticed where I was looking and quickly moved her long hair back in the way and her smile dropped. We walked up the stairs and down the hallway in an awkward silence. For the life of me, I don't know how I forgot about what I knew had happened that night. I guess I was just so caught up in talking with her that I completely forgot she had a random hook up the night before, and forgot the absolutely dead look in her eyes before it happened. A sinking feeling made a home in my stomach just then and there was little I could do to make it go away.

I let her go in the room first and followed closely behind her. Quinn was already there with her signature smirk when she saw me and motioned for me to take the seat next to her. I shot Cat a glance to see what she was doing and/or wanted me to do but she just gave me that tight, half smile that didn't even come close to reaching her eyes and sat on the opposite side of the table from Quinn. I sighed heavily and trudged over to my blonde friend, feeling something similar to helpless and guilty. Two emotions I could not understand at the moment. Quinn was quick to engage in some useless conversation about her training or some guy she had her sights set on and I tried to listen and respond when I was supposed to but I couldn't help but keep looking over at Cat's small figure.

She was still clearly wet and slightly shivering from the air conditioning. Her knees were drawn up to her chest and she had her chin rested on them, just staring blankly at the gray table in front of her. It was kind of sad. It seemed like the girl had shrunken somehow since I spotted the hicky; like if she tried hard enough, she could make herself invisible.

Lynn popped in just then and greeted all of us with a warm smile. "Good afternoon, guys. How's everyone's weekends been so far?"

Everyone kind of grumbled something or another or just stayed silent like me and Cat.

"Awesome. Well, I think today would be a good day to start out with stating why we are here. Nothing you say in group will ever leave this room, unless it pertains to hurting yourself or someone else, and just remember you can always pass or refrain from sharing anything. I want you guys to feel comfortable enough to converse openly but I also know it will take some time. Jordan, why don't you start us out today if you'd like."

The bi-racial girl from Denver cleared her throat and nodded. "Sure. Um, well I was in an abusive relationship in high school. I dated my ex for 8 months before he tried to get in my pants so I broke it off. He hit me and said I was worthless and wouldn't ever have anyone else so I was lucky to even have him. Considering he was the first guy to really show interest in me, I believed him so I apologized and he took me back. As fucked as that sounds, considering I didn't really have anything to apologize for. But anyway, we dated all through my sophomore and junior year, the violence and verbal harassment getting worse until one night he beat me so bad that I had to go to the hospital 'cause he had sautomized me with the handle of a bat. He was caught and is in jail now for abuse and rape and I spent two weeks in the hospital before I could walk again without bleeding. Haven't been the same since." The young girl's voice never wavered once throughout her entire monologue and remained scarily non-emotional. It was like she had completely detached herself from everything. Though it was something I could relate to completely, so I didn't question it.

"Thank you for sharing with us, Jordan, I can imagine how difficult of an experience that was for you," Lynn said in a calm voice. Jordan shot her a small smile in return.

The girl sitting next to Jordan was there because of neglect. Her parents had basically left her to the care of her older brother who was only three years her senior and the two kids were finally sent into foster care. From the sound of it, the parents never tried to get their kids back. The next girl declined answering for the time being so then it was Quinn's turn.

"So I mentioned how I was head of the celibacy club in high school… What I didn't mention was how I am also a statistic for being a teen mom. I got drunk and had sex with a guy from my school and found out a few weeks later I was pregnant at 16. It's not really something you can hide, so eventually my dad found out. You all don't know my parents so let me paint a picture for you," she stated with obvious hate in her voice. "Both of my parents are religious freaks to the point where they are practically the quintessential WASP couple. I was forced to go to Sunday school every week and bible study and AWANAs twice a week until high school. Then, it was expected that I change who I was. So, I dyed my hair more blonde, dieted and worked out until I lost 65 pounds, got a nose job, and dropped my first name. All of which daddy dearest was paying for and pushing for. My mom and older sister were prom queens and I was expected to follow suit. So I learned to hate Lucy Fabray and took on the role of Quinn Fabray, HBIC virginal cheerleader. At least, until I got pregnant. Needless to say, Dad got pissed, hit me, and threw me out of the house. Mom stood there and let it happen and then proceeded to drink herself into a liquor-induced coma. She died last year of over dosing on alcohol and my dad blames me. So I guess I'm not completely sure what category my "abuse" falls under but I've been told by three different counselors that I was abused and it's the cause of my immense hate for myself." As she got closer to the end of what she was saying, Quinn's voice got quieter and she played with her fingers in her lap nervously. I could tell she probably didn't want to share that much but once she got started, it just all came out. Or at least, more than she expected. I reached over and squeezed her hand reassuringly under the table and her hazel eyes met mine. She smiled and returned the squeeze.

I cleared my throat at squeezed Quinn's hand again, needing the support, even though I knew I wouldn't be sharing my full story that day. It was too soon to devulge that much. Not even Cat, who I'd say knew me the best of any of the people in my life besides my mom, knew the story.

"Um, well I don't plan to tell everything today…" I start, trailing off nervously. Lynn reassures me that that's fine and to take my time. "My parents split up when I was 16 after my mom finally believed me, after two years, when I told her my dad was beating me. It took two years for him to slip up and let the anger take over for him. He broke my nose and gave me a black eye one day after classes and my mom just happened to come home from work early that day since she wasn't feeling well and found me in the bathroom trying to stop the bleeding. She took me the to hospital and told the doctors I had been working on a set design and tripped over the faulty materials. Even after she saw my dad's busted up knuckles, she still protected him. But two months later he moved out. So yeah, that's why I'm here. I have a jackass of a father like Q and a mom who doesn't seem to give a shit." I gave Quinn a tight-lipped smile and she nodded in understanding. I happened to look up at saw Cat watching me, studying me. She knew I wasn't telling the whole truth. I don't know how she knew, but I could see it in her face that she didn't believe me completely. Or at least knew I was holding back. I couldn't hold her knowing gaze for long before I looked back down at the table again.

Another three girls shared their sob stories or declined to share before it came to Cat. I looked up expectantly to see her already looking at me, seeming to be debating whether or not she wanted to share or if she did, how much. Eventually she looked down before opening her mouth. What she said was nothing close to what I expected to hear.

"Let's just say that what I do now, or let happen, is a direct result of what happened to place me here. And the main reason I am in this group is because I am required, by my mother and suggested by physicians, to be here. It's here or a psych ward, and I prefer to stay in school." There was no emotion in that confession. Nor was there much of a reason as to why she was there, besides it obviously being something big if her other option is a mental institution. That light that had been there earlier when we were having coffee was gone again and her eyes were filled with emptiness. It made my chest ache to see Cat look so broken. Granted, I wasn't in much better shape, but this girl was practically just a shell.

We spent the rest of the time talking about ways we cope with things and interests we have before Lynn let us leave, reminding us of group on Wednesday at 5:00pm. I spent the rest of the afternoon with Quinn, lying on her bed in the athletic dorms just listening to music and talking. We talked some about what we had confessed in group but she didn't push me any on what triggered the abuse, sensing I wasn't ready to open up about it yet. After dinner in the fishbowl again, I headed back home to finish up some homework and go to bed early. As I laid in bed staring at my ceiling, I couldn't stop thinking about what Cat had shared earlier that day. It really bothered me that she didn't really say much. The fact that she was here because of an ultimatum made me uneasy and wonder what made this girl just so fucked up. It also made me wonder if this was the ultimatum to being the childish, naive girl she was at HA. What if that was just her defense mechanism to whatever was so fucked up in her life? Like how my bitchiness and completely rude personality was how I kept people from hurting me? God, I was so frustrated at not understanding someone who, for four years, I thought was one of the most simple-minded people to ever walk the Earth! Grumbling, I hit my iDock and turned on some soft rock to wash out the annoying thoughts flittering around my skull, and rolled over to go to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: So this chpt is kind of a look into part of what is diff about Cat. It's sort of filler but needed to help push the story along. Should help set up Jade's chpt well. Hope you like.**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 4 Cat POV

"What's up with you, C? You've been really weird.. or weirder than normal- recently. What's going on?" Tia looked at me with a pointed gaze from across our room.

I sighed and picked at my navy blue bed sheets I hadn't bothered to make that morning. "Nothing, I had group earlier."

"Yeah? How was it?"

"Fine. Lynn wanted us to share why we were there but all I could manage was that I was forced to be there and that the ulterior option was a mental facility… I don't think that was the best wording for me to use considering the looks I got afterwards." I blushed after realizing how crazy that likely made me look to everyone, especially Jade.

The darker girl just sighed and crawled up next to me on the bed, grabbing my hand. "Yeah, probably not the best way to put it but at least you said something. That's improvement. I'm no expert on this kind of thing but I know it's guna take you time to feel safe enough there to tell them what happened. I imagine most of the people there are in the same boat, huh?"

"A few girls told their stories, or the shorter versions. Jade gave a watered down version. At least that's how it seemed to me. She's holding something back, something big."

"The girl from high school right? Well, you're holding back too so you can't expect her to open up if you won't either, ya know?"

"I guess, I'm just really curious to see what made her into the harsh, dark person I've known her to be. And what happened to now make her seem almost broken or defeated. Oh, I met up with her for coffee before group, by the way. It was nice just talking and reminiscing about shared memories. First time in a while I felt kind of at ease when not in character for something."

She smiled and patted my leg, "Well, that's awesome, C. I think seeing her again will be good for you. Maybe you both can help each other heal from whatever your demons are."

_I hope you're right…_ I watched her jump off my bed and sit down at her desk to finish some homework. Laying back, I stared at the ceiling and tapped out a beat against my stomach, just thinking about everything that has happened or could happen. My fingers mindlessly traced over an old scar and I grimaced, remembering the day a few weeks after everyone got locked in Beck's camper:

"_Hey, Lil Red, come play beach volleyball with us!" Andre shouted, tossing a ball in the air over by the beach nets._

"_Kay Kay!" I responded in my usual, overly cheery voice. _

_Dropped my bag and laid out my towel next to where Jade had set up her chair and stuff. Crossing my arms over my torso, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it over my head before tugging off my shorts to drop on my towel. The action must have pushed my bikini bottoms down slightly 'cause when I looked up again, deep green eyes laced with confusion were trained on my lower stomach. I glanced down to where Jade was looking and noticed the pinkish purple scars that were just visible above the fabric of my bottoms. I looked back up and caught her gaze, yanking my bottoms quickly back over the scars, and silently pleading with my eyes for her not to ask me anything. She must have understood or been too shocked to think because she never opened her mouth, just continued to look at me, but concern replaced confusion. Before she could find her voice, I turned on my heel and ran over to the game that everyone had already started without me._

_The rest of the day I avoided being anywhere near Jade and I knew she could tell. I caught her staring at me more than once as the day drew on and all I could do was silently pray she wouldn't bring it up. To my relief, she didn't and whatever weird tension there was between us dropped after that day. I assumed she just forgot or didn't care enough to question, why wonder about the girl who seemed too happy and care free to ever have a negative thought cross her mind? I shouldn't have been disappointed; I mean I had practically begged her to drop it. Plus, it's not like I gave anyone reason to question who I was. It was a lot harder to keep up the act after that day, though._

"C… C!" I felt a warm hand on my shoulder shaking me gently.

Blinking groggily, I noticed my roommate standing next to my bed with her phone and ID card in hand. It was dark outside already.

"Hey, sleepy head. Want to come dinner with me and Cierra?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I probably should eat something." I sat up at grabbed my stuff. "So do we have any crazy plans tonight that your going to make me join in on?" I asked, nudging her playfully as we walked out into the dark.

"Well, there are a few parties but considering how well that went last night… for the both of us… I was thinking of inviting Cierra back to our room after dinner and breaking out the stash while having a movie night… I won't if you don't feel up to it, though, I know that it's kinda our thing…" I could tell she was nervous; it was the first time since the first week we were here that we'd have someone over for more than an hour or two to study or work on a project.

Linking my arm through hers, I shut up her rant. "Babe, it sounds like a lot of fun. I like Cierra, a lot. It should be a great time so yes, let's do it!"

"Hey, pass me that, yeah?" I slurred slightly, leaning over Cierra's legs to grab the slowly draining Jose bottle.

Cierra giggled at my weight slipping and landing on her while Tia just rolled her eyes at me but unhanded the bottle. "C, you're feeling good, go easy hun, we're only like 20 minutes into Death Race for God's sake!"

I pushed myself up slightly but still let myself lean against my blonde friend's body, "Don't judge me, T. I didn't get to drink last night, you did. So tonight's my night, hoe!"

"You guys are too funny, thanks for inviting me, though," Cierra piped up, running the fingers of her left hand through my loose curls and grabbing the tequila bottle with her right, taking a healthy sip. "I'm surprised y'all don't get in trouble for having this shit here."

"Our RA is chill. She'll actually probably pop in before the movie is over to join us for a while, she's in Cat's hip hop class," Tia answered, opening the window and loading a bowl. She took a few hits before gesturing it to us, "C squared," she giggled at her stupid joke, "want to hit Astatia?"

I shook my head quickly, not lifting it from Cierra's shoulder. "Hells no, I can't get twisted if I want to be alive tomorrow, T."

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks, though. I think I'll stick with Cat and Jose here."

She shrugged and lit up again.

"God, Natalie Martinez is fucking gorgeous, I'd kill to be in Stathom's seat right now," I sighed.

Cierra turned her head to look down at me, "Who's Natalie Martinez?"

"Case, on the screen. Ames' navagator." I pointed to the screen, licking my lips unconsciously.

I felt Cierra's eyes on my face longer than necessary, but she finally looked back to the movie, agreeing with me. We continued watching, passing around the alcohol somewhat, and as I got more intoxicated the more I cuddled into Cierra's side. Eventually she wrapped her arm around my waist and drew lazy circles on my exposed side from where my shirt rode up. Casey, our RA, did stick her head in and took a few shots with us before she was pulled away to deal with rowdy kids down the hall.

Cierra broke the comfortable silence again, taking a deep breath that made my head raise with her chest that I was now laying on. "You're a lot better looking that Natalie Martinez, C."

She said it so quietly I almost didn't hear her, and if I hadn't been inches from her mouth, I most likely wouldn't have. I raised my head a little bit and looked up at her; she was still looking at the TV, trying not to meet my eyes. Lightly grabbing her chin with my left hand, I pushed her face to look at me. Her pale cheeks were tinted with a blush that ran down her neck; it was incredibly cute.

With liquid courage, I asked her to repeat that. "What'd you say?"

"Um… I, um, said you- you are much more attractive, then Natalie Martinez…" She kept trying to look back at the movie to avoid my eyes.

I placed my hand on her cheek, drawing her gaze back to me. With little effort, I moved forward the few inches to close the gap between our lips. Cierra's lips were soft and gentle, so much nicer than any guys' I had ever kissed. I know Tia saw us kissing 'cause she moaned quietly. As much as she likes to pretend she is as straight as they come, she still loves to kiss other girls (mostly me) and gets really turned on when she sees me making out with another girl.

Breaking the kiss, I shot Tia a glance before looking back to Cierra. I lifted myself up slightly and straddled her hips, keeping our faces close to each other. "Thank you, Cierra," I whispered against her lips, smiling. She smiled back and kissed me again.

We felt my bed dip next to us, signaling Tia got restless just watching and wanted in. I felt fingers brush my hair over my right shoulder, exposing the left side of my face and neck to my roommate. It took less than a second to feel familiar lips caressing my neck. I moaned into Cierra's mouth, turning my head so more of my neck was offered to Tia's mouth. When she bit down gently on my pulse point and sucked on it, very likely leaving a nice mark, I gasped and broke away from the girl beneath me. Tia took advantage of my free mouth and pulled me up to my knees and then brought her lips to mine. Nothing was slow and controlled anymore. Alcohol and arousal fuelled a heated make out session, deepened when I felt her tongue swipe my bottom lip and then push them apart. Cierra ran her hands up my short-clad thighs that were on either side of her hips still. With each venture up my legs, her thumbs got closer and closer to my now very hot and wet center. She pressed her thumbs just to the side of my underwear, drawing a loud moan from me and making my hips instinctively buck towards her, grinding on her lower stomach. I turned away from Tia and grabbed on to Cierra's neck, forcing her to meet me halfway. Her hand finished its journey up between my legs and cupped my sex. I gasped and bit down on her lip, listening to both Tia and the girl below me moan in unison. Threesomes are not new for me, but this was the first time anyone tried to touch me below the belt. I was barely holding on at this point, so I ground my center down on her hand and felt the rough fabric of my jean shorts rub against my clit. A hand wrapped around my chest as Tia palmed my breasts from behind me, kissing and nipping at my neck again. I pulled Cierra up to a sitting position so Tia could reach my nipples easier and I felt her snake her hands up under my shirt. It was times like this that I was so happy to not have a bra on. With a more rough bite on my neck and a pinch to my right nipple, I thrust hard into Cierra's hand and screamed out my orgasm. After I could breath again, I placed a soft kiss to both girls' lips and climbed off of Cierra. Evidently they were still worked up so they helped each other get off before our blonde friend had to get back to her own dorm. With a final kiss goodbye, we waved and watched her walk down the hall looking thoroughly well fucked. Tia wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and kissed my cheek.

"Well, that made for a much more eventful night than I anticipated when we invited her over," Tia chuckled into my hair.

I lead her over to my bed again and leaned back against her chest as she sat against the wall. Flipping off the TV, I spoke again. "Yes, well, Jose likes to make me horny and living with an attractive biracial dancer doesn't always help," I joked.

"Hmm," she hummed, "I understand that. I have the same problem, although my roommate is a sexy Italian dancer with an amazing voice."

I just smiled into the darkness. "I'm going to brush my teeth, but will you cuddle with me tonight?"

"Of course, C. You know I love to hold you."

"And you're amazing at it." I slipped into the bathroom to brush my teeth and then changed into more comfortable shorts before crawling into bed next to my roommate.

Slipping an arm around my waist and nuzzling into my neck again, Tia whispered, "Good night, C, love you."

I sighed and melted into the embrace, feeling more at home and safe in her arms than I had in months. "Night, T. I love you, too."

Unbeknown to me, my forgotten cell phone was blinking with a new message.

**Jade:**

**Hey, Cat. Just wanted you to know that if you want or need to talk, I am always here. I know we haven't been close in a long time but I care bout you a lot n hate seeing you so broken. Okay, well you have my num. xo J**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Kinda a big chapter here, by big I mean important. Little heavy so just a warning. Hope ya'll enjoy, thanks for all of the reviews and favorites/alerts so far.**

**Xox**

**B**

**Still don't own the show or characters, just the OCs and story line.**

Chpt 5 Jade POV

Another two weeks past by relatively slowly for me. Cat had responded to my text the next morning thanking me for my concern but we hadn't had time to really catch up other than the occasional surface text asking how the other person's day was. It was pathetic, really. After the tight friendship we'd had in high school, you'd think it wouldn't be hard to fall back into old habits again- especially living ten minutes walking distance from each other. Yet, here I was, sitting in group on another cloudy Saturday listening to Quinn talk about a scrimmage they had tomorrow while I mindlessly played with her hand that was in my lap. We were early for once so we were waiting for everyone else to show up.

Lynn had decided that we needed more bonding-type of activities to make everyone feel more comfortable in group so that's mostly what we did the three sessions between when I had told my half-assed story and now. It was probably smart 'cause I felt a lot better being forced to spend three hours a week with these girls now, and even hung out with Jordan at lunch a few times this week. She's a cool chick and pretty damn determined, definitely deserved the scholarships she got to be here. I had a lot of respect for her to be so driven after being walked all over by her douche-bag of an ex boyfriend. We bonded pretty well.

When Lynn walked in talking to two of the girls, one being Cat, Quinn dropped my hand and pulled it back into her own lap. Cat caught the movement but her face didn't really show a whole lot. I kinda wondered what she made of my relationship with Quinn. We started group off with light topics and people talked about their weeks and how life was going for them. I to this day am not sure how I ended up talking but somehow I found myself with a bad case of word vomit by the midway mark of group.

I had been absently running my thumb over my left hand, just below the thumb knuckle, and staring off into space when Lynn's voice caught my attention.

"Hey, Jade?"

My eyes snapped up to meet hers, noticing that everyone was looking at me and that I must have missed something 'cause people were casting expectant gazes my direction.

"Hmm?" I hummed, "Sorry, what?"

The Asian woman smiled, "I asked if something was on your mind, you've been spacing out a lot more today than normal."

I looked down to where my thumb was tracing the back of my hand and frowned. I wasn't entirely sure what I had been thinking about, but I knew the feeling. Guilt. I focused on that patch of skin as I spoke, feeling like I was more just speaking my thoughts aloud and it kept me from getting nervous.

"Yeah, um, I've just been feeling guilty lately. It comes and goes but it's been with me a lot this past week 'cause of the time of the year. It's not really a time I like to remember." I mumbled it, but I knew everyone heard me. No one said anything for a moment, waiting to see if I'd continue, but Lynn finally asked what this time of year meant.

"Is there something specific about right now that makes it worse?" Her tone was filled with concern and understanding, but not pity. I hated people pitying me, so I was thankful to not hear that in her voice.

I sighed and chanced a glance up at the group. It was a bad idea though, because everyone's eyes were on me. I felt Cat's intense gaze like a laser to my skin, so I quickly averted my eyes back to my lap so I wouldn't clam up. I needed to tell someone about what happened; it was going to get bad within the next few days and I needed the support.

"Yeah. It's when everything got real…" I trailed off and took a few steadying breaths before starting again. "I kind of lied earlier. I'm not an only child. Or at least, I wasn't, but am now. My brother, Michael, was seven years younger than me." The atmosphere of the room stilled and grew heavy with thick anticipation. It was nearly suffocating, but I had to keep going. "My mom got pregnant with me really young, and that lead to her marrying my dad, so they waited a while before trying to have more kids. After me, they had two failed attempts but then third time was a charm and Mikie was their miracle baby." I smiled at the memory of the day Mikie was born. "I was so excited to have a younger sibling. I couldn't wait until he was old enough for me to teach him how to ride a bike or climb a tree or…" My breath caught in my throat and I felt Quinn reach over and take my hand, squeezing reassuringly. I cleared my throat and continued. "Anyway, so as time went on I taught him to do all of those things, everything a big sister is supposed to do. As all younger siblings get, I grew to be annoyed of him constantly following me around and trying to hang out with my friends and I. But being that he was just a toddler and little kid, my friends thought he was the cutest kid ever and I resented him for taking them away from me sometimes. My parents both picked up better jobs after Mikie was born and worked long hours, so I was stuck most days after school and some weekends having to look after him so we didn't have to have a sitter as much. It was about this time of year, a little while after 8th grade had started, and I had just been accepted into Hollywood Arts. I got the letter on an afternoon that my parents were at work and Mikie and I were out back by the pool just hanging out. I was crazy excited and just HAD to call my friends, Andre and Beck, to see if they made it in or not. I was literally inside for what felt like maybe five minutes tops but when I came back out…" I felt a few hot, traitorous tears cascading down my cheeks that I angerly wiped away with the back of my free hand. I didn't cry in front of people any more, not ever. "I dove into the pool, clothes and all, without second thought. All I could think of was getting him out of the water. My mind was racing; I couldn't figure out how he had ended up in the deep end by the diving board when we had just been playing on the steps of the shallow end." I gulped back a sob and pushed through; I was too far in to stop now. "By the time I got him to the side of the pool, he wasn't breathing. I had been teaching him that summer how to swim well enough to be in the deep end but we hadn't gotten far enough that it was safe for him to swim without floaties past the 3 foot area unless I went with him, he knew that. I climbed out and hovered over his still body shouting at him, angry that he'd disobeyed me, and begging him to please wake up. I shook his body violently but nothing happened. In a rush of tears, fear, and adrenaline, I had the smart idea to call paramedics. Everything after that felt like a blur. The EMTs came and tried to resuscitate him, they did chest compressions that looked like they were going to crack his tiny rib cage, and even tried to jump him a few times. The last thing I remember vividly was Mikie smiling so big and proud when he showed me how he could hold his breath and swim from the stairs to me without help. I couldn't believe that the lifeless, grayish body lying limply next to the pool was my energetic little brother. Everything was so surreal. My parents were suddenly home and neither of them could look at me when I was crying to them. Mom just turned into Dad's chest and wailed. Dad tried to stay strong for her, keeping a poker face on, but I could see the unshed tears in his eyes as they laid a blanket over the body. The next few days were a horrible nightmare filled with questions of what happened by doctors, police and family members, and the funeral was filled with immense sadness. No one would look at me without some sort of pity or disgust. They either thought I was a lost cause and likely to be messed up the rest of my life or blamed me for his death. But they were right; I have never been the same since then and it was my fault. After my parents turned away from me that afternoon, I never cried in front of anyone again. I was numb. A month after the funeral, Dad started drinking more. He'd come home early from work, already a number of drinks in, and pour himself some more. With alcohol came the abuse. I knew my parents blamed me for Mikie's death, and rightfully so, but neither had talked to me about it. My mom had taken down pictures of him around the house and the door to his room had stayed sealed shut. It was too much for her to be reminded of the child she lost, but she didn't know about the pictures I had hidden in my closet. They were all I had left of him. When my dad started hitting me in a drunken rage, I took it as punishment for what I did. His words cut deep but I knew they were true so I shut down and let him use me to take out his anger and sadness. It took until half way through my junior year for my mom to catch him. He'd slipped up and had unleashed his pent up rage on my face, a place I couldn't hide the bruises and scars. I'd told you guys about having to go to the hospital for that one. But by that time, after almost three years of being told I'm worthless and that I snuffed out the only light in the world, I had started to believe it. I tried to overdose a few months after he died but it didn't work and I figured it was the universe's way of telling me I'm selfish for trying to end everything peacefully when he clearly hadn't. So I pulled into myself and built up walls, hoping to keep anyone and everyone out and not hurt anymore. I lost the only person I truly felt myself around that day, and I wasn't going to subject myself to that kind of loss again. Michael Ryan West died five years ago this Thursday." I finished my story with more strength in my voice than I truly felt. I was drained. It was the first time I had told everything since it happened; I hadn't even told my mom everything about the suicide attempt and why I suddenly became angry and distant.

Everyone was silent so I looked up timidly. The looks on their faces made me flush with anger, they felt sorry for me. "Stop looking at me like I'm some sort of victim. I killed my baby brother, okay? Don't fucking pity me for being beaten, I'm still alive and he isn't."

A number of the girls looked away quickly, surprised by my anger. Quinn sent me a small smile and squeezed my hand again while Cat just kept looking at me, almost like she was searching my face for something. Her dark eyes didn't hold pity, but she was empathetic to my anger and to me blaming myself for everything that happened. It was like, in that one look, I could tell she understood everything I felt. Everything I went through. Lynn said something but I was too focused on Cat's gaze to hear or understand her. Before long, group was over and everyone grabbed their things to leave. Cat just sat there, watching me grab my purse, and didn't make a move to leave yet. Just as I reached the door to leave the room with Quinn, I felt a small hand circle my left wrist. I looked back and saw Cat looking down at my hand, running her thumb over the same area I had been not two hours earlier.

"Hey, Q, I'm guna catch up with you at the game tomorrow okay?"

My blonde friend smiled at me, gave me a quick side hug and waved goodbye, leaving me alone with the tiny brunette. The smaller brunette just looked at my hand for a few moments while I watched her. She cleared her throat after a while before speaking in a hushed voice.

"Can we go get coffee or something?" She asked the question like she was the one who had just poured out her heart and needed to be comforted. But, old habits die hard so I gave in to her request and we slowly, silently walked to a café a few blocks off campus.

It was mid afternoon so the lunch rush had slowed down and the dinner rush hadn't started yet. We were seated in a small booth by a window, given menus and then left to decide what we wanted. I wasn't really hungry, every time I thought of that day I lost my appetite as my stomach made uncomfortable movements, but I wanted to avoid the quickly becoming awkward silence so I studied the diner's lunch menu. Our waitress came by to get our drink orders and then asked if we were ready to order. I got a side order of fries and Cat just got a Caesar salad.

I felt Cat's warm eyes on me again and heard her take in a breath before she opened her mouth. "It was brave of you to open up like that."

She said it so quietly I almost thought I'd imagined her speaking, but when I looked up, she seemed interested in a response. "Yeah, well, I hadn't planned on telling everyone all of that, actually." I shrugged, "Kind of just kept coming up after I started, it was like I couldn't stop."

She made a small humming noise when she nodded at my confession. "Word Vomit. Makes for interesting situations sometimes, eh?"

I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood and I smiled softly, thankful for her attempt. "That it does. But I'm guna need the support later this week so I guess it wasn't a total loss. I'm glad Quinn knows now so she can be there when shit gets bad in a few days… And I'm glad you know."

A finely manicured eyebrow rose at that. "Why's that?"

A light blush took over my features while I played with the scar on my hand again on the table. "Because… I feel like I owe you an explanation for why I was the way I was in high school to you, and to everyone. And why I'm how I am now, I guess."

I felt warm fingers slide over mine and still my movements. Deep chocolate eyes traced the "M" that was palely carved on the top of my hand. "You don't owe me anything, Jade. But I am glad that you let me know. It takes a lot to let people in, especially people from your past, so thank you for trusting me enough to do so."

I bit my lip, trying to think of something to say back after feeling so naked and vulnerable, but was saved by the waitress bring out our food. The rest of the meal was spent in easy, light chatter. It was comfortable and nice to be able to know that I had shared my deepest insecurities with this girl but could still have a normal conversation with her without feeling like all we had to talk about was dark and depressing.

It was nearly two hours later when we finally paid and left the café. Streetlights were just starting to turn on and a chill was in the air, forcing my hands into the big pocket of my DC hoodie. We walked in relative silence for a few minutes before our paths had to split for us to make it to our respective dorm halls.

"So, um…" I started, toeing the tip of my Converse into the grass by the sidewalk. "Thanks for tonight. I needed to get out of my head for a while and this was perfect."

When I met her eyes finally, she smiled. It was like the smile I had seen that first day we had coffee, one that reached all the way to her eyes and made them brighten. I hadn't seen her smile like that since that day.

"I enjoyed it, too. Thank you for letting me steal you away from Quinn for a while. I'm sorry if I ruined any plans you had."

I was quick to correct her. "Oh, no, no worries. We didn't have plans. She has a scrimmage tomorrow so she was hosting a team dinner at her place tonight." Cat smiled and nodded in understanding.

"Well, have a good night, Jade." She turned to leave but I reached out and grabbed her elbow gently. She turned back to face me, a quizzical expression washing over her face.

"Hey, do you, um, maybe want to come with me to the game tomorrow? If you're not busy I mean, I know you have a lot of stuff going on with dance and the musicals coming up and helping choreograph them-"

"I would love to," she said through a smile, effectively cutting off my mumbling rant.

"Oh, okay, great." I let go of her arm and shuffled awkwardly. _God why does this feel like a date or something, and like I'm asking her on another one? Knock it of, West, you're being ridiculous._ "It's, uh, at one in Mackey. I could come to your dorm and walk with you or we could just, um, meet there or whatever."

She smiled again and I blushed, feeling embarrassed by my random stuttering. "Why don't we meet in the fishbowl for lunch first at noon and then walk over together?"

_Why didn't I think of that? _"Yeah, that's perfect. Well, um, have a good night, Cat, and thanks again."

"See you tomorrow, sleep well," she said, her face soft with a beautiful smile, before turning on her heel and slowly walking towards her dorm. I watched her for a few seconds before feeling like a creepy stalker and turning towards my own building.

I hummed while I was showering that night and getting ready for bed. Even though I had finally spilled my guts to the group, I felt more refreshed and weightless than I had in years. It was a welcomed change and one that I was hoping to keep around for a while. As I crawled into bed that night and shut off my light after turning on my iPod, my phone blinked with an alert. Forgetting I had put it on silent for group, I had four unread text messages. I opened the one from my mom first.

**Mom:**

**Just checking to see how things are going. Hope you're doing alright and still going to the support group. I know you hate admitting to something being wrong but I really think this will help, honey. Alright, good night. Love you- Mom**

I sighed. She only ever brought up something being wrong with me when it got close to now. For the first two years she could hardly pretend to be a mom to me, claiming she had lost both of her kids that day, but she was trying now that my dad was out of the picture. I appreciated that, even if it did annoy me.

**Jadelyn:**

**I am going mom n I told the story today. I think ur right n it will help. I'll call tomorrow after Quinn's game. Good night. Jade**

Quinn was next with her new contact name.

**Q 3:  
>Hey J, just wanted you to know that I totally respect you for being strong enough to share today. You know I'm here n I love you so if you need to talk or even just have someone take your mind off things this week you know who to call, day or night. See you at the game. Xo Q<strong>

I smiled at the cuteness that was Quinn's attempt at being badass and caring at the same time, but didn't respond. I would see her tomorrow after the game so I'd just talk to her then. The last text was from Cat, sent a few minutes after we had parted not too long ago.

**Cat:**

**(1/2)**

**It amazes me how strong you are. I always thought you were a lil cold in HS and kept everyone at arms length so you wouldn't get hurt, but you just didn't want us to see you weak. You're not a weak person, Jade. You are still here, after everything, and you are still determined to make something of yourself. That isn't bein**

**Cat:**

**(2/2)**

**g weak. Even still, it's ok to need someone to lean on sometimes. We can't always be flawless all of the time, no matter how hard we try to hide our faults. You're not alone in your quest to keep yourself together. :) See you tm. x C**

It was late and I was completely at a loss as to how to respond to that message, so I didn't. I laid in bed for the next ten minutes reading and rereading her messages and trying to understand what she meant by "we." And how she could see me as a strong person when all I do is hide behind my bitchiness and snarky remarks, lashing out at anyone who gets to close. And how she could even know I was trying to hide the cracks in my demeanor. It was like she could read right through me, and that terrified me almost as much as telling people what happened did. Because if she could read me, then she would be able to read into what kept me from ever being able to truly embrace our friendship. And I wasn't ready to be stripped bare of all of my secrets in such a short amount of time, not after I had spent most of high school trying to repress them.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own VicTORious or the characters, just the plot and my OCCs.**

Chpt 6 Cat POV

I was thankful Tia was staying the night at a friend's place when I got back from dinner with Jade. My mind was on overdrive with everything it was trying to process. It had been an interestingly informative afternoon and never in my lifetime did I expect to learn what I did about Jade earlier that day. Everything that had happened to her had broken her. I couldn't imagine what she was like before the death of her baby brother if how I have known her was the result of completely shutting down. I felt bad for her and everything she went through but I understood why she got so angry when people showed her pity. It might have been almost five years ago but she still blamed herself for Michael dying and her parents splitting up. It's a lot to put on a pre-teenaged girl so I can't say I was surprised that she was so emotionally damaged. But I had to give her a lot of credit for still being here and still trying, even if she'd tried to end her life before and just failed. I was thankful she hadn't been successful.

Kicking off my shoes and flipping on my bedside lamp, I flopped onto my mattress and just laid there. There was so much for me to think about, it was kind of giving me a headache. I looked up to Jade. It took a lot of courage to tell her entire story like that and I know it hurt her having to relive everything over again. Her eyes broke when she choked out the part where Michael drowned and her parents couldn't look at her, and they grew hard and cold when her father's abuse started. That girl had to be in a world of conflicting, painful emotions since then. Which only made her bitchy, cold attitude in high school make all the more sense. If she could keep everyone from wanting to get close to her, she'd never have to let anyone in again and never submit herself to being hurt again. She figured she didn't deserve to have friends or be loved if her own parents couldn't love her anymore. I had to laugh humorlessly to myself at that: we were so much more alike than we ever knew. I actually think we could have been really good friends in high school, more than we were, had we opened up to each other.

I sighed and rolled over to pull my phone out of my back pocket. Biting on my bottom lip in thought, I typed out a quick text to Jade and then forced myself to shower and get ready for bed. Crawling into bed, I had to smile. I was excited to see Jade again, even if it was to go watch Quinn and the team play. I'd always had a thing for the taller girl, ever since we met freshman year of high school, but being the awesome actress that I am I kept that to myself and made do with just being her friend (one of the only she wouldn't yell at). It took a while for my brain to slow down enough but eventually I fell asleep dreaming of the green-eyed girl I was just beginning to get to know.

I was early to lunch, but I planned it that way. I figured if we were going to go watch Quinn play a sport, I might as well get a work out in, too, so I rented one of the rooms just above the fishbowl for an hour to work on some choreography I had been working out. It wasn't really for any particular reason, but dancing was something I did to vent and after Jade's heart-felt confession, I was needing some way to release all of the fear and anger and shame I felt for my own issues. Grabbing the key from the front desk and signing my name, I climbed the stairs up a flight and headed to the room. Once I knew which room I was in I sent Jade a quick message letting her know where to find me when she got there later, and then dropped my bag on the floor. I pulled out my iPod and hooked it up to the system in the corner before starting a hip-hop remix playlist that was a little harder than I usually danced to. I turned the music up and let the bass work its was into my body. Knowing I was going to get hot, I stripped off my jacket and pulled my t-shirt over my head, leaving me in just a white beater and my black baggy sweats and Nike's. As stereotypical as it was, that was the most comfortable clothing to wear when dancing like that.

I warmed up some and stretched a little before flicking my iPod to the correct song and starting it on repeat. One side of the room had a few mirrors on it but the side that had the door was mostly windows so anyone walking by could see what I was doing. I hated having an audience when I wasn't wanting one but it was the only room in the building with hardwood floors and I needed them for the slide moves and floor work I had in the routine. I tried my hardest to forget that there were the occasional gawkers that would stop and stare, and eventually I just lost myself in the music. Sliding forward on my knees and then jumping up to the ending pose, I snapped my head and arms down and listened to the music fade out. My breathing filled the small room and the rush of my heartbeat was thrumming in my ears. But I was surprised when I heard someone clapping. Turning around, I was met with a rather impressed-looking Jade who was decked out in her usual dark jeans and a red long sleeve shirt. She looked good, and without even trying, a characteristic I always envied in her.

I blushed when she beamed at me. "I didn't realize I had an audience."

She chuckled and took a few steps towards me while I grabbed my water from my bag and a small towel. "Well, when you're in a room of windows that's bound to happen. I think I'm the only one who came in, though." I blushed again and showed off my dimples. "You're really good, Cat. I mean, you were good in high school but I never realized you were this good; I just always thought you were messing around."

"This was just messing around. It's not for a class or anything, just for me" I stated quietly, grabbing my bag and gesturing to the door. "I have to return the key and then we can grab lunch, if that's okay?"

"For sure. And I'm impressed that wasn't for anything; you should really show more people what you've got. That, combined with your voice and acting, you're like a walking triple threat!" Jade exclaimed with a huge smile and a shoulder nudge to me.

"Hardly, though if you keep this up I'm going to be blushing all day, Jade."

She looked at me shyly. "That's okay, it looks good on you."

"You're a dork!" I said, nudging her towards the fishbowl.

We both grabbed sandwiches and bottles of water, paid, and looked for an empty table. Jade pointed one out kind of off to the side next to a few of the boys basketball players so I just nodded and followed her. Setting my food down, I stooped to grab my t-shirt again to put on. After spending an hour swimming in sweat and then entering a very air conditioned room, I was slightly regretting not wearing a sports bra considering my headlights were on full beam and attracting some wandering eyes from the tables near us. (And an emerald pair, too, but I pretended to not notice her's). What I didn't anticipate was that when I stretched up to pull the shirt over my head, the skimpy tank top I had on would obviously ride up and show off a few inches of my lower stomach and hips. When I pulled the shirt over my head and sat down next to Jade, she was looking at me curiously again; a look I had seen a few times in high school and grown to realize it was her way of being concerned.

"What?" I asked, picking up my lunch and taking a bite, reveling in the BLT-goodness.

"You have a lot more than the last time I saw them," Jade mumbled, casting her gaze to the table and playing with her bottled water.

I frowned, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "Yeah, well, life moved on from the last time you saw them." I just shrugged, like that was a decent explanation for the numerous scars etched across my skin.

She was silent for a few minutes, eating but I could tell she was thinking something over and debating whether she wanted to tell me or not. She must have worked up the balls 'cause she broke the silence, mumbling again. "I always wanted to ask you about them… After that day at the beach…"

I laughed; it was my defense for dealing with somewhat uncomfortable situations even if it wasn't appropriate. "I always thought you'd yell at me. I was kind of waiting for it 'cause you seemed mad. But you never said anything, ever…"

Green eyes looked up at me, searching my face. "I was mad at first. I couldn't figure out why the happiest person I knew was hurting herself. I was mentally screaming at you that your life was nothing to be hurting yourself over and that you didn't know real pain. Considering we're both in the abuse group, though, I'm glad I didn't say anything out loud 'cause clearly you have your own demons… You can tell me if you want, by the way. But I won't pry."

After a few seconds, I responded. "Yeah, no one knew anything I was going through so I can see why you were mad… I kind of hoped you would say something, though… But yeah, thank you, I'm sure I'll tell you before anyone else, I trust you. I silently was hoping someone cared enough to even just ask, or attempt to figure it out. I mean, c'mon, who in their right mind could be that ridiculously happy all the fuckin' time and then on a dime get crazy offended?"

She giggled and nodded. "That's true, I always wondered how you were able to be like that, but we all just chalked it up to being possibly mentally, um, not stable? No offense. But I did want to ask. I just, I guess I was too fucked up myself to really be able to think about really anyone other than myself for longer than a few days. I was worried, though. 'Cause there were enough marks for it to not have been a one-time thing."

"Yeah… I was, I dunno, kind of disappointed you didn't ask. But that was my fault for not really reaching out either, I guess. But, yeah, it hasn't gotten any better. If you couldn't tell. I dunno, everyone does it for different reasons, as you well know, but for me it's always been about controlling the pain. I can't control most of my pain, but I can control that. I can control if anyone sees them, if I bleed, how deep, how much it hurts. It's the only pain I get to control. Ya know?"

"Yeah, I get that. I did it- well, do it- just to feel something again. After refusing to feel anything for so long I stopped feeling alive, so it helps me feel something and reminds me I'm still here. I'm sorry I never asked, Cat. I had no idea you were hurting so much. You really are an amazing actress, always have been. Hence why you were my number one pick for any of my scripts." She flashed me a smile, trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Thanks, I've had a lot of practice! I loved starring in your plays, though; they were a lot of fun. Maybe I'll get to be in another one sometime, or help out somehow. And don't worry about it, you're here now and that's what matters." I was glad for the change in direction of the conversation. I wasn't really ready to explain my fuck-up of a life to her just yet.

We finished eating, laughing and talking about the projects we were involved in at the time, until we had to head out to the fields for the game. It was a warmer day so the scrimmage was on the outside fields that were behind the UMC, which I was happy for so I could lay out and soak in the afternoon sun and still be on bleachers so we didn't have to sit on the soggy ground. I recognized the blonde girl with a pink streak bouncing up and down on her toes, warming up and yelling out things to her team. When she turned at looked at us, she waved and I noticed the "C" on her shoulder.

"She's the captain?"

"Yeah, she is. Quinn was co-captain last year and took over captain this year and for next year most likely, depending on this season. She's pretty damn good, actually."

I glanced back at Jade, who was sitting two benches behind and above me. She looked proud of her friend, and her face lit up talking about Quinn. I turned back to the field and watched the rest of the warm up. "Awesome, I have respect for people who are involved in team sports."

I felt her eyes on me so I turned to look at her again. "Considering your amazing shape, I'm surprised you never did team sports. I always could see you playing soccer or volleyball."

I had to laugh at that. "I did play volleyball for a few years, and was good for my size. Stayed mostly as a libero. But my parents stopped paying for it after a while. When they started blaming me for shit and considered me an excuse of space, they cut it off. But that's okay, 'cause it's what lead me to find dance as another outlet for my energy and it let me express myself and I didn't need anything but music to make it happen. So it's a blessing in disguise." A whistle to start the game drew my attention forward again and cut most of our conversation for the next hour and a half.

We won, no surprise there; Quinn was a good as Jade made her out to be and the rest of the team fell in line behind her lead like a well-trained female army in skirts. I never understood why women's lacrosse has to wear skirts; it seems really sexist to me, but I have to admit that I do appreciate the nice view those short skirts provide. After a team meeting for a few minutes, the blonde made her way over to us, now shirtless and wiping her face with her shirt. I couldn't help but let my eyes trail over her sculpted body; the girl is attractive. With toned abs, lean legs, and well-muscled shoulders and arms, her aesthetic beauty was pretty obvious. When my eyes made it back to her face, she was smiling at me, clearly knowing I was checking her out. I flushed immediately and cursed my libido.

"Like what you see, short stuff?" she asked, smirking now.

I lifted my eyes again and smiled. "Yeah, I appreciate an attractive woman, and you fit that bill." Don't ask, I don't know where that courage came from to be so bold.

"Well, thank you, Cat. That's sweet of you, and thank you for coming to watch." She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my cheek, making me blush again. She turned her gaze to Jade. "Thanks for coming, babe."

Jade climbed down the bleachers and joined us on the grass, giving the slightly taller girl a hug. "Yeah, of course. I told you I'd be here to support, so here I am!"

"Here you are," Quinn repeated, and then she shocked the hell out of me. She pulled Jade closer and leaned in. I figured she was getting a kiss on the cheek too but wow was I wrong. Their lips met in, what looked like, a well-practiced kiss. Clearly that was not the first time they had kissed, and it wasn't just a peck either but there was feeling behind it.

After a few seconds I felt like I was intruding on a moment so I cleared my throat, which broke their kiss. "I, um, congrats on the game, Quinn, you looked really good. I, uh, have some homework to get done before tomorrow so I'm gunna go. I'll talk to you later, Jade." I turned on my heel quickly, and without waiting for a response from either girl, I grabbed my bag and walked quickly towards my dorm hall.

By the time I made it to my dorm, I was so worked up, I didn't want to deal with Tia or anyone else at the moment. So I made a hard left and walked towards my thinking spot. When I heard the familiar sound of water crashing on marble, I took a deep breath for what felt like the first time in the last ten minutes, immediately feeling my shoulders relax slightly. I sat on the ledge of the fountain and dropped my bag on the ground, untied my shoes and stripped off my socks, before twisting and putting my bare feet in the cool water. The cold liquid countered the heat that was flushing my face, letting the millions of thoughts screaming in my mind finally make sense. _Why the hell are you mad that they have something? And how do you even know if they do? You just freaked out and left, looking like an idiot. __**Clearly there is something going on there, I don't know how you didn't see that before now. I mean, they hold hands in group and are always hanging out. And Quinn's a pretty touchy person, but only with her.**__ You have no right to be mad about that, though! It's their relationship, it has nothing to do with you! __**Doesn't stop it from hurting any less! **__Why does it hurt? It's not like she even knows how you feel 'cause you're too fucking scared to even tell her. You brought this on yourself, Cat, so get the fuck over it. __**I tried! What do you think I was doing at Hollywood Arts? I mean, it took everything I had to not want to throw up every time I saw her and Beck! I tried to just be her friend, but I couldn't so I distanced myself. Why does she have to be back in my life again and better yet, why is she with a girl? I could handle not having a chance with her 'cause she's straight, but what the fucking fuck was that? **__Obviously she's not as straight as you like to think. __**No fucking shit, so now it's clear that it's not that she just doesn't like girls, it's that she just can't like me. What the fuck is so wrong with me? Guys like me… **__'Cause you're easy. It doesn't take much to get you into bed. But there's nothing wrong with you, you're broken, sure but Tia likes you and Cierra and so did Abbey from last year, so you're fine. Not everyone can love you, if you can't even love yourself, Cat._

I hated having a mental war with myself, 'cause part of it always made a great point but that didn't make it feel any better. I hadn't even realized I was crying until I noticed the wet parts on my lap that weren't from the fountain. The sun was starting to set so I grabbed my phone from my bag behind me to check the time. 5:04 pm and three missed text messages. I'd been lost in thought for over two hours, no wonder I couldn't feel my feet anymore. Pulling them out of the water and turning around, I checked the texts.

I knew the two from Jade were going to be about me leaving abruptly, so I checked the one from my roommate first.

**T:**

**Hey, C, where are you? It's kind of late and I thought you said you were coming home after the game? I was guna go get food, so let me know if you want to meet up or somethin. Xo**

**C:**

**Hey T sry, I was kind of lost in my mind for a while. I'm not really hungry so I'm just guna head back to the room in a while and finish that paper for history. I'll see you later when you're back. X**

**Jade:**

**Hey, Cat, sorry about what happened with Quinn. I didn't think she'd do that in front of anyone. You seemed upset when you left, are you okay? I know it was rude and I'm sorry. J**

**Jade:**

**Cat, please talk to me. I'm really sorry for everything. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It's kind of a new development in our relationship but we aren't together or anything. Ok, well text me back please, I'm worried. J**

I sighed. What the hell was I supposed to tell her? I couldn't exactly lie without being really obvious in my lie, she knew why I left so quickly. Though, I think she thought I was uncomfortable with two girls kissing. Ha! She couldn't be more wrong.

**Cat:**

**I'm fine, Jade. N I don't care about you n Q kissing, it doesn't bother me in the least. C**

Plain and simple, that's as good as I could make it. It only took her close to 30 seconds to reply and make the small device in my pocket vibrate and make me jump.

**Jade:**

**Oh, okay… so if it's not the two girls kissing thing, then why did you leave like that? N don't say you had hw, cuz I know that's bs. Q says she's sorry btw. J**

_Great, so you're still with her, awesome, Jade, thank you for just twisting the knife a little there._

**Cat:**

**I do have homework but I had to go think for a while, just had a lot on my mind. Tell Q it's fine and that she looked good. C**

**Jade:**

**She says thx. I'll just give her your num so y'all can talk if you want. What were you thinking about? Where are you, I looked for you after you left but you weren't around your dorm… J**

**Cat:**

**I went to the fountain. It's where I think the best and it's almost always deserted. Ya just give her my num, it'd be easier than talking thru you. C**

**Jade:**

**Stay there, I'll be over in 5. J**

_Shit fuck. I don't want her to see me like this, how the fuck am I supposed to explain why my face is most definitely flushed and red from crying? Fuck, Jade._

**Cat:**

**No, don't. I'm fine. I'll talk to you later, Jade, I'm going to go do hw now for real. C**

When my phone vibrated again, I thought it was Jade again but was happily surprised it was a number I didn't have, likely Quinn.

**908-477-2434:**

**Hey it's Q. Sorry bout earlier, I didn't mean to make shit weird, I wasn't really thinking. Hope you aren't mad or anything.**

**Cat:**

**No, it's fine hun don't worry. Honestly, it was kinda hot, I just felt like I was intruding on your moment. Sorry to be so rude and leave like that.**

**Q:**

**No big ;) it was hot, tho I wouldn't have minded if you joined us.**

**Cat:**

**Haha I'll keep that in mind next time, I may just take you up on that offer.**

**Jade:**

**Okay, if you're sure you're fine… Text me tm and we'll get coffee or something during a break. Have a good night Cat. J**

**Cat:**

**Will do, you too. C**

**Q:**

**Sweet, the more the merrier. Besides, you're fine n from what J has said you're a great dancer, so I can only imagine you're great in bed ;)**

**Cat:**

**Someone's forward lol but yeah, well no one's ever complained that's for sure. We'll have to hang out sometime and you can tell me, eh?**

**Q:**

**Cool, I'd like to be the judge of that. I'm free Tues night, just hit me up. I have practice til 7 but then I'm game for a movie or something.**

**Cat:**

**Mkay, I'll let you know. I'm guna go work on a history paper tho so I'll ttyl hun. Don't get into too much trouble tonight.**

**Q:**

**Never! :D Night beautiful.**

_God that was a whirlwind. What the fuck did I just get myself into? _Pulling my socks and shoes back on, I made my way back to the dorms and showered. It had been a crazy day and I still wasn't sure how I felt about Jade and Q, but I never turned down a beautiful girl who was more or less offering herself. Plus, messing around without the relationship sounded like an amazing deal at the moment, and so much more promising than the random one night stands I was pulling almost every weekend. With that, I dried off, got dressed and sat at my desk to finish my paper, wondering what the hell this next week would hold for me.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Not 100% sure where I'm going with this story so I'm open to suggestions. I'm working to just develop the friendship first and see what happens, ultimately they will likely end up together; I just don't know the path they will take to get there yet. Bear with me. Thanks!**

**Xox**

**B**

**Warning: explicit issues discussed, so please be aware and don't read if this is bothersome for you.**

Chpt 7 Jade POV

Cat had a dance group that night. Her hip-hop professor saw her choreography that she was practicing on Sunday and asked her to put something together for a showcase they were doing in a few weeks. So she was scheduled to start teaching a group of 12 upperclassmen that night. Quinn had a team dinner since they had another scrimmage the next afternoon. As captain, she was expected to be there. Both of them had plans, while I was planning to sit in my room alone and sulk all night, trying hard to not press the cold metal to my skin again.

But as I looked up from my hands that were wringing with nervous energy, I had to smile that both of my friends were there with me. Cat was sitting on Quinn's lap, showing her a youtube video that had been posted of her dancing candidly on my laptop. Every few seconds she would look over to me, flash a small and understanding smile, and then turn back to the computer. They both had expectations and things they should have been doing, but instead, they were in my room keeping me company and trying to distract me from the fact that five years ago my brother drowned and a part of me died with him.

"I'm hungry. I'm getting pizza, Jade, what do you want on it?" Quinn inquired, handing me an open bottle of Blue Moon and taking a pull on her own. When she showed up after practice an hour ago, she had a 12 pack in hand which just added to the bottle of Tequila Cat had brought over the hour before her.

"Thanks," I said, taking the beer. "I don't really care, anything sounds good."

"Cool." She tapped Cat's thigh to get her to stand before she grabbed her phone and after a few moments, started talking to the pizza place closest to campus that would deliver.

Cat came and joined me on my bed. "How you doin', hun?" She'd warmed back up after her and Q supposedly had a talk and hung out earlier that week.

I sighed. "It's still hard. Though this is the first time I haven't spent the anniversary alone, so that's helping a lot. You guys being here is helping more than you know."

The blonde unceremoniously fell into the bed on the other side of me. "Of course, that's what friends are for, babe. And you know we're always here for you."

"You guys are the best. Thank you for keeping me company and making sure I don't do something stupid." I chuckled lightly, trying to keep the mood from getting even heavier.

The tiny brunette to my right took my hand in hers and rubbed over the old scar. "We won't let anything happen to you." After a beat she continued. "Let's start a movie while we wait for the food!"

I laughed at the giddiness that was the Cat I knew from so long ago. Quinn got up and starting rummaging through my DVD collection. "Seriously, J? Do you have _any_ comedy or romcom movies or just all action and horror/thriller?" She raised her eyebrow at me; a look I was getting really used to seeing.

"Yeah yeah, I have like three. Maybe. Sorry, I'm not a huge comedy fan." I shrugged as Cat bounced off the bed and over to her bag she'd dropped by the door. Both of them had planned to stay the night evidently and so came with bags in tow.

"No worries, Q, I knew she wouldn't. She may not be the same girl I knew at HA but I figured her movie taste was the same." She threw a cheeky grin at me over her shoulder before returning with a stack of 8 DVDs and spreading them out on the bed. "Take your pick!"

After some eye rolling from me at seeing what Cat brought (a few Disney Pixar movies and then some romcoms), we finally decided on Crazy Stupid Love first and then Friends With Benefits afterwards if we were still awake. Q popped the disc in and then we all settled back into my bed and rested against the wall. I had to admit, Crazy Stupid Love was pretty damn funny. At one point I nearly choked on my third beer when Emma Stone's character ended up being Steve Correl's oldest daughter. I was impressed with the unforeseen twist in plot; it was rare to find in movies now a days. The pizza came halfway through the first movie so we all chowed down and pulled out Cat's alcohol contribution. In true college spirit, every time Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake kissed or anything sexual, we took shots straight from the bottle. I dunno if you've seen that movie, but we were all pretty buzzed by the time the credits started rolling. At some point, we had laid down so Cat's head was on my lower stomach, mine was on Quinn's shoulder, and the arm she had wrapped around me was running its fingers through Cat's hair. It was incredibly comfortable to just lay there, surrounded by love and warmth.

I was pissed when I had to break the moment. I kind of adjusted and Cat lifted her head to look at me quizzically. "Sorry, I gots ta pee," I slurred lightly still whispering into the dark. I still don't understand why I channel my inner ghetto-ness when drunk.

They both giggled at me so I just grinned and popped off the mattress to relieve myself. When I got back, Quinn had her arms wrapped around Cat's small frame and the brunette had her face pressed into the blonde's pale neck, clearly asleep already. I raised my eyebrow at the pair (I'd learned from Q) and the blonde caught my look.

"We've gotten closer," she whispered with a wink. She then opened up her left arm and invited me into the embrace.

I grabbed an extra blanket to pull over us before cuddling into Quinn's side and getting comfortable. I wrapped one arm across her torso and ran my fingers through Cat's hair, earning a content sigh from the petite girl.

"You made it," Quinn whispered again.

I raised my head to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"It's 12:47 am. On Friday. You made it."

I looked over to my alarm and realize she was right. For the first time since the accident, I went the entire day without hurting myself. All I could do was smile back at her in thanks and snuggle closer. I breathed in deeply, loving how Quinn smelled and being able to smell Cat's shampoo. It was comforting and only took me a few minutes to fall into a deep sleep, wrapped up in the love from my two closest friends.

It was just over three weeks later when we found ourselves in the same situation: all in my room armed with alcohol and DVDs on a Friday night. Over the previous weeks, the three of us had become really close and nearly inseparable when we weren't in classes or busy with extra curricular activities (Q with her team, Cat with her teaching of dance that quickly became a regular thing for her, and I was Assistant Directing the Fall production for the theater department). We were pretty busy so when we got to all hang out like this it was a big deal. I don't really know how to describe what any of us were to each other, other than best friends, but Quinn and I still made out sometimes and Cat was a constant flirt with both of us. One evening when I'd been late getting together for a study session with them, I walked into Cat's dorm and found them in a rather compromising position, so I think it was safe to say they were friends with benefits, too.

It seems like it shouldn't have worked, Quinn and I messing around and her and Cat doing whatever they were doing, but somehow it did. Over the month we all got closer, Cat and I never kissed except once when she was drunk. It was amazing and as heavenly as I always imagined it would be. But to say I wasn't disappointed that she had to be intoxicated to kiss me would be a lie. At that point, though, I was okay with just being friends. We were getting to know each other again and anything more than friendship might have royally fucked that up, so anytime I saw her sitting on Quinn's lap, I had to bite back the jealousy I felt and remind myself that she was just touchy feely and that she often sat on mine, too.

Anyway, so we were in my room, all laughing and drinking watching Quinn's season 1 set of Scrubs that night. I'd never watched the show before I met her, but I was quickly growing to love it and it was the perfect show to drink to. Anytime they sang, had a flash back, or JD was called a girly name, you drink. Damn were we wasted that night. After the last disc of the season was finished, Quinn shut off the DVD and then crawled back on my bed between Cat's legs and let her wrap her arms around her shoulders. Cat was surprisingly the most sober out of all of us, but I think she had more experience drinking heavily from what I had witnessed over time. I flicked on some light music as background noise while we all sat and talked. After a while, Quinn sat up and turned so that we were all making a triangle on the bed, looking serious.

"Hey, C? Why did you go up to that guy's room at Darren's party a month or so ago? I mean, you're gay aren't you?" Quinn asked, kind of drunk but still able to hold an intelligent conversation. She wasn't a sloppy drunk; it just made her more open and honest, which was impressive 'cause she was already really honest.

I looked at the smaller girl with the same questioning face. Cat had a look on her face like she was trying to decide what she wanted to share. Emotions washed through her eyes before she kind of when cold and vacant. I was about to tell her she didn't have to tell us when she spoke up quietly, detached from emotion.

"It's what's expected of me. Yeah, I'm a lesbian, known since I was 14, but that's what's expected. It's what guys want; it's all they've ever wanted." She looked so small and defeated it made hot tears prick the corners of my eyes.

I reached out and grabbed her hands, making her look at me. "That's not true. Yes, guys are assholes and usually do only want sex, but it shouldn't be the reason you sleep with them. You never have to sleep with them."

She looked down at our clasped hands and I interlaced our fingers. "It doesn't mean anything to me anymore… Ever since I was 12 it hasn't meant shit. Sex is just an act."

Quinn and I both stared at her, trying to understand what she was trying to tell us. The blonde spoke up first, scooting closer to Cat.

"What do you mean? What happened when you were 12?"

She took a large breath and swallowed visibly. I could tell this wasn't really what she wanted to talk about, but at the same time I think she wanted someone to know. She'd been hinting to her pain for weeks and I never had the balls to ask her about it.

"12 was when it stopped seeming 'special'," she said with spite. "It started at a family barbeque when I was almost 11. My brother had a friend over and his friend was really nice to me. Always saying I was so pretty and funny and special. So when he came into my room that afternoon and kissed me, I thought it was special. Anytime he came over, which was often since he was best friends with my brother and my parents basically considered him to be their son, he would kiss me and eventually started touching me. 13 days before my 11th birthday, we had sex for the first time. He was 15. I hadn't even gotten my period yet, let alone was I even close to being ready for that kind of thing yet. It continued for a year but after a while it stopped being about making me feel special and I just felt gross and used afterwards. I told him I wanted to stop, but he said that no one would ever want a girl like me so I was lucky I even had him. I was never popular in school so I figured he was right, but it wasn't special anymore. I was just numb to it. He got rough and liked making me feel humiliated when he'd sneak into my room at night. When I told my parents at the end of 8th grade, they didn't believe me 'cause he said I had a crush on him and was just making it up. They called me a slut and a liar and said I was a horrible person to make up lies like that; it was when they cut off paying for volleyball. Afterwards, he punished me with some BDSM shit and said that even my parents wouldn't believe me so no one else would either. So I put on the fake persona you knew me as, Jade," at this she looked at me, the first time she made eye contact with either of us. "I became the naïve and innocent girl who was always happy and didn't understand pain, 'cause I was living it constantly and I never got the childhood I needed and wanted. I picked up cutting when I was 12 so I could be in control of the pain, or at least some of it. He went off to college when I was a sophomore in high school, but I never lost the mentality that I wasn't worth it. My first time had been robbed from me, so I just figured that I might as well. I'm a slut, it's what sluts do so I spent most weekends in motel rooms with different guys for those three years. Why not please someone else? It seems that's about all I'm good for. It's why I'm in group; if I didn't get some sort of help I would have ended up on suicide watch again after slitting my wrists and having my friend Caitie find me just before high school. I spent most of that summer in and out of the hospital."

Quinn and I were stunned silent. It was nothing I had ever expected to hear from the tiny girl in front of me. I knew something was up when I watched her be lead up to that guy's room, but I never could have fathomed that it was this bad and for so long. I was furious with her parents and brother for not believing her and letting her basically self-destruct. I turned her hand over and, for the first time, noticed the long white scars on her forearm that were almost too faint to even see.

"Cat, I don- I mean… Shit. I know you don't want to hear that I'm sorry, but I am. I had no idea something like this was going on and I am so sorry I failed you as a friend in high school. You did not deserve to have your innocence snatched from you like that. And there is no way in hell you deserve to be a warm fuck for all of these guys. You have to know that, don't you?" I pleaded with her.

"It's not your fault; I told you I'm a good actress. And I'm starting to. I haven't slept with anyone since I kind of slept with my roommate and another friend a little over a month ago, and any time I sleep with a girl it's not meaningless. That guy you guys saw me with was the last guy I've slept with." She looked so ashamed of herself; it made my chest ache with pain.

Quinn pulled her onto her lap and wrapped her arms around Cat's small body tightly. After a few moments, I saw her body shaking with silent sobs and all I could do was rub her back in what I hoped was a comforting motion.

"We love you, Cat. Please don't ever feel like you are alone in this world, because you aren't," the blonde whispered into Cat's hair. "You are an amazing person with such a big heart and so much to offer the world. I am honored and blessed to have you as a friend and I know anyone would be incredibly lucky to be able to call you theirs, but you have to wait for the right person. You are so special, Cat, and you have to believe that. We will help you, help you love yourself again. We aren't letting you go anywhere, okay?"

Cat nodded against Quinn's chest and I just smiled softly at the sight. It was the most gentle I'd ever seen Quinn before and her maternal instincts were certainly still there. I moved closer and wrapped my arms around the both of them and we just sat there together, soaking in the new information and taking comfort in each others' presences. After a while, Cat's breath evened out so Quinn laid her down and tucked her in under my sheets. We both flanked her sides and just laid with her. I watched my two friends sleep, trying to understand how the world could have screwed all of us so royally like that. It made no sense to me how we all were so fucked up and not by our own doing. It seemed incredibly unfair, but I was thankful to have those two with me. They were keeping me alive and I liked to think we were doing the same for each other.

When we woke up nine hours later and I rolled over to check my alarm, I nearly fell off the bed. It was 11:27 am and the only other person on my bed was Quinn. I checked in the bathroom but noticed her bag and shoes were nowhere to be found. I shook the blonde vigorously and after she mumbled to leave her alone 'cause she had a royal hangover, I yelled at her.

"Cat isn't here. Get your ass out of this bed and help me find her!" I was frantic, considering that we ended the night with some pretty heavy conversation and a heartbreaking confession from the smallest member of our trio. Saying I was worried was a massive understatement.

"What the fuck are you talkin' 'bout, J, she's right- aw fuck!"


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Here's the next chpt. Y'all are spoiled, this is coming along a lot faster than my last story. I can't promise as quick of an update on the next chpt but getting so many reviews of encouragement and favorites, it makes me write faster. Some development in the relationship here, enjoy!**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 8 Cat POV

There were a few rays of light peeking through Jade's black curtains when I finally felt sleep slip from my mind. It was still pretty early and my eyes were protesting from having to be awake at the moment, but my mind kick-started on overdrive. I timidly raised my head to check the alarm, aware of the sleeping bodies next to me, and saw it was just before 9:00 am. I had a few hours before group and I was legitimately starting to freak the fuck out about my confession. I laid there, between my two closest friends, next to Tia, and replayed the confession I made from the night before (or I guess, hours before). Never in my life did I feel so vulnerable and bare. Not literally, obviously since I was still in the yoga pants and t-shirt I arrived in, but I was laid bare emotionally. I had opened myself up and told them everything that had happened, in great detail. Not even Tia knew all of those details. Sure she knew I was sexually abused and therefore treated sex with men as just a physical act that I was biologically made for, but she didn't know I struggled with my self-image and self-harm because of that. And she had no idea it started so young.

I slowly turned my head to the left. Jade's dark hair was sprawled across her pale face, washing her cheek in deep brown streaks. Her light pink lips were parted slightly as she took deep, rhythmic breaths and her eyelashes fluttered with dreams. She looked so peaceful, lightly wrapping an arm around my waist. Even in sleep she was trying to protect me. I knew what I had said really hurt her. She hurt for me, even when I had a hard time hurting for myself anymore. And that made me love her even more. Jade was so appalled by everything I said not 8 hours before that she blamed herself for not intervening sooner. I didn't blame her, though. It was my fault, somehow; I did something to deserve what happened, to deserve my parents and brother not loving me anymore, to deserve Kyle using me as a sex toy (and other guys since him). Her eyebrows were slightly drawn together, creating a crease between them; she looked like she was concerned and angry, even in her dreams. I hoped she wasn't dreaming of me.

Turning my head back to my right, I saw Quinn's sleeping figure. She had rolled onto her stomach sometime since we went to bed, which I wasn't sure how that was possible since the three of us hardly even fit in those tiny ass beds side by side, let alone rolling around. Her blonde locks were strewn about across Jade's navy pillow, creating a stark contrast to the dark colors. She had her face directed towards me and I could barely make out her lush lips lightly sealed and pale eyelids shifting slightly from her eyes moving through the blonde mass that covered her face. She had my right hand curled up in hers.

Between the two, they were so different and yet, I could see why they became fast friends after the first meeting of the abuse group. They both had obvious parental issues that made them lash out with words as a defense mechanism and become rather bitchy at times. But they somehow evened each other out with their random battles of harsh name-calling and what would seem like complete hatred to someone who didn't know them. It worked for them, though. Quinn once mentioned she had a friend back in high school just like Jade named Santana who she would verbally spare with daily and yet they were still the best of friends, even if the friendship was unconventional. (Said best friend was actually the girl who turned her onto considering girls over guys.) It was how they showed they cared for someone. There was a difference between cutting someone down and trying to portray their support and love, even if they were subtle differences.

I laid there for another few minutes just contemplating their very weird relationship and how jealous I got sometimes when I saw how close Q and Jade were. I had no reason to be jealous, considering I constantly was flirting with both of them and reaping the benefits of their affections. But I couldn't let go the much deeper attraction I had for the brunette. Yes, I loved Quinn and valued her friendship greatly. But what I felt for her was purely a physical attraction and a love as a friend. There was no denying it; I was in love with Jadelyn August West, and I didn't foresee myself getting over that anytime soon.

After a while, panic set in. I was completely vulnerable to these two girls. I didn't think they would hurt me, but I had never opened myself up like that before and it was completely unnerving. With stealthy haste, I slipped from between them, grabbed my bag, slipped on my shoes, and quietly exited Jade's room without causing either girl to stir.

The morning was crisp as fall was in full swing by that point. I pulled a the light jacket I had packed out of my bag and slipped it over my arms and shoulders, zipping it up to just under my chest. Campus was pretty bare during the weekends, especially just after 9:30 on a Saturday morning, besides the occasional student making the walk of shame with their head down and hands shoved in pockets or arms crossed tightly over their chest. I wasn't making my way from a drunken one-night stand, but I was still just as ashamed and uncomfortable in the bright morning light. Before I even knew where I was going, my feet had carried me to my fountain. It was too chilly to stick my feet in but I sat on the ledge and just let the white noise of the water crashing against marble washout my thoughts and soothe me into numbness. After some time, I vaguely felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my jacket. It was too early and I was too lost in my thoughts to be bothered to look who it was. It vibrated another four times with calls and six text messages; all of which went unanswered and unnoticed. I sat on the low marble wall pitying myself.

_**There is no way they are going to ever look at you the same again. God, you are such a pathetic excuse for human life. It's no wonder your parents gave up giving a shit about you.** It wasn't my fault; nothing that happened was my fault! **Maybe not, but you let it happen. You were stupid enough to believe you were special to Kyle. How could you ever think anyone would love you? He told you that it wasn't going to happen and yet you're still surprised when people turn their backs on you. **Jade loves me. So does Quinn. At least, I think they do. They act like they do. **Sure but you also spent nearly 5 years acting like a naïve little girl who was overly happy. Who's to say they can't act just as well? And even if they do love you, you've never had a hard time making friends. It's beyond that, that you're inept. **It's not their fault, though! Even after I told them what happened, they held me and comforted me and told me I am special and that what happened wasn't my fault! Quinn said that I am an amazing person and have a big heart. They have to love me... right? **Like I've said before, how can they when you don't even love yourself? You spend all of your time seeking other's approval for who you are and what you do, but you don't even approve of yourself. Every time you kiss Quinn, or even the one time you had the balls to kiss Jade, you were ever constantly berating yourself in your mind. You can hardly act on your feelings for someone without feeling like you're disappointing your parents. They stopped giving a shit a long time ago, why do you even care? **They will always be my parents! Yes, they treat me like I'm not here besides paying for school- and even then, only because it keeps me out of their house- but they are still my parents. I know my guilt for my feelings isn't right and is some sort of fucked up brainwashing by them but what else can I do? **Let Quinn and Jade help you. Let them in and stop trying to keep them at arms length. They make you better, especially Jade. She makes you want to be better. To love who you are, all of you. Which is something you haven't been able to do since you were a young child. Yes, you were forced to grow up far sooner than ever expected or appropriate, but that didn't lead you to grown up feelings like loving yourself. Stop fighting the impulse to be close to someone. Not everyone is out to hurt you or only get something from you.**_

After another vibration from my pocket, I finally pulled it out of my pocket and checked it. It was nearly time for group and I had seven missed calls from Quinn and Jade alike, and 15 text messages from them combined. I guess leaving without writing a note or texting them was probably a bad idea. It was just so hard to think clearly that close to them, almost suffocating with their thoughts and support. I know it doesn't make sense but I had to get space from their warmth to try to make sense of everything that happened. Explaining my story to them, that was a huge fucking step I wasn't sure I was ready to take just yet. But I did, and without even doubting my actions that night. I wasn't intoxicated so I had nothing to blame it on; it was said because I wanted them to know. I read through their texts quickly, each one saying they were looking for me and were worried and to please contact them. At one point, Q got angry that I was ignoring them- not intentionally- and said I was being ridiculous to make them stress like that. Jade quickly followed that text with an apology for her which made a ghost of a smile pass over my face.

Checking the time, I made my way towards the building we met in twice a week. I was 20 minutes early but that was okay. It gave me time to think and decide if I wanted to just let everyone know. Not three minutes after I sat down at the large table, Quinn and Jade came barreling in like a whirlwind. My eyes snapped up from my lap when they made their loud entrance. Quinn looked flustered and then annoyed when she saw me sitting there. Jade was a step behind her, evidently trying to calm her down somewhat and reassure her I was okay somewhere, and then looked relieved to see me. She rushed over to sit next to me, wrapping her arms around my smaller frame on impulse. When she pulled back, her eyes showed she was not exactly happy with me (probably since they had been looking for me for almost two hours) but she was clearly happy that I was all right and visibly in one piece. I think she saw the turmoil in my eyes 'cause she frowned after studying me for a few minutes. Quinn finally sat on the other side of me, throwing her arm around the back of my chair; it was her way of showing she was glad I was okay, too, but still not happy with my disappearing act.

"Cat," Jade whispered, even though it was just the three of us in the room. "What's going on? Why did you leave this morning without telling either of us?"

I looked up to meet her eyes, noting the pure concern in them, and my heart ached a little at the sight. She really did care about me, a lot. "I- I'm sorry… I just woke up… between you both and- and I just… everything was so real." I replied with a small, timid voice. "I mean, my biggest secret is out… I was worried what that meant, for all of us. For me. I've never told anyone all of that, not even therapists. I just- I freaked out and needed space to think, I guess." After a few seconds of both of them looking at me silently, I added, "I'm really sorry for scaring you."

Jade's strong arms engulfed me in a tight hug again, holding me close to her body, almost pulling me into her lap. After a beat, I felt a second pair of arms wrap around us from behind me, no doubt being Quinn. They held me for a few minutes until Jordan and the redhead from our group came strolling in and giving us questioning looks. I made a move to pull away from Jade and my two friends got the hint and pulled away. We all sat quietly talking about our weeks with each other. Jordan was a pretty cool girl and even though she was younger than me and didn't share a major, she loved to dance so we talked animatedly about a new club that had just opened up recently that was 18 and up not too far from campus. We tentatively made plans for all of us (me, Tia, Jade, Quinn, Jordan, and Karly- the redhead) to go that night and check it out. After a while, everyone was there and Lynn started us off with high's and low's. When it came to be my turn after Jade, I bit my lip and took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I knew I needed to do.

"Um, well, my high and low are the same thing, I guess. Last night, I shared why I am here in this group with both Jade and Quinn." I proceeded to share my story. Not quite as detailed as I told it the night before, but the general idea, the same watered down version of the events that Tia knew. Jade held my hand the entire time, sending me a gentle squeeze when I would grow quiet and start to freeze up. "So I kind of disappeared on them this morning when I woke up and realized I had laid myself bare the night before. I was afraid of what they would think of me when all had settled in. I am still ashamed of what happened and what I continued to let happen, and still slightly blame myself, so it's hard for me to let other people know. It makes me feel weak and stupid to be fooled by Kyle. To be hated by my family. To have people pity me or blame me for what happened. I really needed to tell someone exactly all that went on and it really lifted a weight off of me, but it's still scary to make myself so vulnerable and open for hurt, ya know?"

I raised my eyes to look at the rest of the girls in the group. A number of them had tears glistening in their eyes, likely from relating to a part of my story somehow. Lynn was looking on with understanding and a comforting half smile painted on her face. I could tell by the brightness beaming from her eyes that she was pleased with my effort to share. Of the some 12 girls in group, I was the last to explain why I was there, even just a little bit. So this was a massive breakthrough in her opinion, I was sure. Jade and Quinn were protective. Jade still held my hand tightly in her lap, rubbing a thumb over the soft skin like I had done to her so many times. The blonde on my right had her arm still over the back of my chair, letting her hand fall on my shoulder and lightly caressing the material of my jacket. They both were letting me know they were there and not going anywhere. It was immensely comforting to know that even after spilling all of my dirty laundry for them to see, they hadn't abandoned me like I thought they would. As Lynn started to speak and ask the other girls questions, Quinn leaned down closer to me and whispered in my ear.

"We aren't letting you go anywhere, lil' bit, no matter how much you run. You're stuck with us, and we love you."

I turned and searched her face. Her hazel eyes were shining with sincerity and there was nothing but love swirling in their depths. Jade squeezed my hand, having obviously heard what our athletic friend had said and agreeing. I smiled up at Quinn and leaned into her embrace a little more, letting her know how much I appreciated her. I turned and smiled at Jade, as well. For the first time in a number of weeks, the voices that were battling in my mind were silenced with the sincere comfort I found in the two girls beside me.

After Lynn let us leave a little early, the three of us made our way to the fishbowl to grab a bite. Turns out, Quinn and Jade hadn't stopped to eat while searching for me (plus they were kinda hungover and food sounded horrible when they woke up) and I had completely forgotten to eat when I got up, too lost in my head. Jordan joined us for a quick bite before having to meet up with a study group for her Anatomy class not long after we all sat down. We waved to the biracial girl and made sure she had our numbers so we could coordinate the night out that we all desperately needed evidently. Jade, Quinn and I met up with Tia for an early dinner/lunch (and breakfast for the first three of us) and then split up to go to our respective dorms and shower for the night.

"So what kind of club is this again, C?" Tia called over her shoulder, brushing through her thick hair in the bathroom.

I ran my straightener over my hair carefully; making sure each strand was straightened. "Um, it's just a generic top 40's type club. Kind of like Vinyl, but Eden is generally a gay club. There are still straight couples and people who go, like fag hags and lez bros, but mostly a gay and bisexual crowd."

She poked her head out of the bathroom and raised an eyebrow at me, which I caught in the mirror I had propped against the wall in front of me as I sat on the floor doing my hair. "You'll like it, T," I assured her, "Besides, I'll be there and since Jordan offered to drive, you can drink and we'll have a good time. Promise."

"Mhmm, we best!" she said, letting her ethnic side show some, and grabbing the bottle of Smirnoff we'd gotten a few days ago. I just laughed at her ridiculous voice and finished with my hair, turning off my straightener.

We finished putting on our make up and then stood in front of my floor length mirror and looked at the pair of us, swaying slightly holding onto each other. We looked hot. Tia was in a tight black cotton skirt that clearly showed off her shapely ass and a tight blue V-neck tank top. She had let her hair fall in loose curls around her face, large silver hoops handing from her ears, and black heels to finish off the look. Her make up was light, we had that in common, but her eyeliner made her dark eyes stand out even more. I had to admit, it was times like that when I was incredibly proud to say my roommate was a fucking knock out. I decided to dress it up some and instead of wearing jeans like I usually did to a club so dancing was easier, I had on a red form-fitting dress that had a plunging neck line and was strappy across the back. It came to end about where my fingertips were when my hands were at my sides and Tia let me borrow a pair of silver hoops slightly smaller than hers. I paired the dress with shinny black heels, parted my hair off to the side and let it hang over my shoulders and my bangs swept across my face (making a mental note to have it trimmed soon, it was getting so long it covered my boobs if I brushed it all forward), and had light make up on- mostly just around my eyes.

"Damn, we're definitely going to end up with some numbers by the end of the night," Tia said, smudging some lip-gloss across her lips and smirking at our reflections.

"We are pretty damn attractive," I mused and pulled her into a side hug. I wasn't sure what the rest of the girls were wearing tonight but T and I looked fucking good.

**Q 3:**

**Hey, we're on our way, we'll pick you up on the curb in 5. Xo**

"They're on their way. Let's head out and wait for them."

Tia and I grabbed our matching clutches, making sure to have our phones, IDs, school IDs, and money in them before heading down stairs to wait for the car to pull up. It didn't take long before Jordan's SUV pulled up outside. We were met with a multitude of compliments when we opened the back door to get in.

"Wow, short stuff, you look absolutely stunning," Quinn gasped when the car lights spilled onto mine and Tia's outfits.

"Yeah, damn, girl. You guys might make me go gay if you keep wearing stuff like that," Jordan joked as Karly and Jade looked on in appreciation.

Jordan was driving, obviously, with Karly in the passenger seat, Quinn in the first bucket seat and Jade in the back. I offered to go first and sit in the back with Jade so Tia wouldn't have to climb as far in the car.

"Don't look at my ass," I warned Tia and Quinn as I was climbing into the back with Jade.

"Too late," Q said, eyes lingering on the back of my legs as my dress rode up some.

"Psh, I been looking most of this year, hun," Tia laughed, though I could tell she was completely serious. I just blushed. It was weird getting that kind of attention from so many people at once.

Once I was settled in the back and we all had seat belts on, Jordan pulled away from the school. We didn't have too far of a drive but it was a good ten minutes or so.

Jade leaned over and whispered in my ear, her hot breath causing me to shiver. "You look beautiful, Cat."

I turned my head to look at her, our lips only an inch or two apart. "Thank you," I breathed out. She was dressed in fitted jeans and a blue button down with the sleeves rolled up past the elbows and the buttons undone until her cleavage was showing and her eyes lit up from smoky eye make up; she looked breath taking.

I watched as Jade's eyes flicked from my eyes to my lips, and I licked my own subconsciously. A hot flush was slowly coursing up my neck and face from the intensity of her gaze. _Oh my god, is she guna kiss me? Oh god, oh god, please kiss me…_ I held my breath as I watched Jade slowly lean in closer to me. We were breathing the same air when Quinn laughed loudly, breaking the bubble we were in. Jade pulled back hastily, blinking a few times almost like she was trying to figure out what she almost just did. I just sighed, trying to not let a disappointed frown cross my facial features.

Before we sat in an uncomfortable silence, Jordan pulled into the parking lot for the club and I let a great sigh escape my lips. Everyone piled out of the car, me last so no one had to see my ass again, and Quinn grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers. I glanced over at Jade and saw her looking at our hands with what looked like a scowl. She noticed my eyes and quickly jogged to talk to Jordan and Karly.

Eden was like most clubs. It was pretty big once you got past the entrance security and had your ID scanned and paid. There were three rooms. The first room you walked into was mostly techno remixes of popular songs with strobbing lights the pulsed to the bass. It had a stage that had a box on each end of it that Go-Go girls were dancing on in short cheekie shorts and colorful bras. There was a bar opposite the stage and a smaller bar to the right of the stage. A cage raised on a platform with a ladder leading to it was between the two bars and some club goers were dancing and gyrating in it already. Through the door next to the main bar was the hip-hop room that was significantly smaller with only one bar and a raised area with a few raised tables and stools on it. That room, stereotypically yet still true, mostly had Latin and African American people dancing in it. Through a hallway was the bathrooms and then another doorway that lead to more of a mixture of music from Michael Jackson to Beyonce. The older crowd tended to linger in that room more than the others.

When we got there, it was just getting busy so we had to weave our way through the masses, holding hands to not get separated. I lead the way to a rather open area on the dance floor in the techno room and pulled Quinn to me to dance. I wrapped my arms around her neck and she pulled me closer by the waist. Everyone paired up and started dancing to a remix of "Blow" by Ke$ha. As the time went on and songs changed, we changed dance partners and sometimes just danced alone. It took maybe a grand total of 15 minutes since we walked in for someone to come up to us.

A Latina girl in baggy jeans and a tight tank top and her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail leaned in behind me to be heard over the music. "You are gorgeous, _angel_, can I have this dance?"

I turned around to face the girl and smiled. She was sweet and didn't just start grinding on me like most people in clubs, so I obliged. She wrapped her arms around my waist and I moved my hips in time to hers as we danced. She wasn't too bad of a dancer and I was having fun so I decided to play a little bit, with her and with anyone watching (ie: Jade). I turned in her embrace and put my hands over hers that were on my hips still. I dipped my body down and instead of just standing back up, I popped my ass up first and shimmied it into her crotch a little, still bent over, before straightening my back. I could feel green eyes boring into me so I made a show of slowing down our movements and really grinding into the girl behind me, reaching back and holding onto her neck. She leaned forward and place a few kisses on my neck and I closed my eyes. Suddenly I felt a cool hand wrap around my wrist that was resting on my thigh and jerk me forward. My eyes snapped open and I came face to face with Jade.

"What are you doing," I hissed, kind of mad she so rudely yanked me away from my dance partner, even if I didn't know her name.

"I want to dance with you, and you can't be like that with her." She seemed kind of mad, and that was when I realized she was jealous.

I stopped moving to the music and looked into her green eyes. I was going to get it out of her. "Why not? I'm not with anyone and it's just dancing. Not like she was guna take me against the wall or anything."

She stumbled at that, flickering her gaze to our hands that were now interlaced and back to my face, emotions flashing across her face as quickly as the lights were. "I just- you can't. You're… Um.. Fuck, Cat, you know I can't do this shit." I waited silently for her to continue, still looking pissed. "Fuck, I just- I just want you to dance with me like that. I mean you fucking make out with Q all the time and I just have to sit here and watch and it just- fucking sucks…"

I let a small smile break out on my face and wrapped my arms around her neck loosely, playing with her hair that was cascading down her back. "Are you jealous, Jadey?" I teased.

"No! Okay, yeah maybe a little. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me for you to not like me like that." Her voice was a lot softer and she looked down between us instead of meeting my eyes.

"Hey, chica, we guna dance or what?" the girl I had been dancing with asked behind me.

I turned slightly to look at her, not releasing my hold on Jade. "I'm sorry, I'm going to dance with this beautiful woman in front of me. Thank you so much, though."

"Sure, whatevs."

I looked back at Jade again and she was finally looking at my face. _Now or never._ Sometimes I love heels, 'cause they put me at the perfect height to reach Jade if she wasn't wearing them too. I watched her for a moment and noticed she was stuck watching me bite my lip. With a huge breath for courage, I leaned forward, tilting her face up slightly, and let my lips cover hers.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: So this kind of goes back and shows part of chpt 8 but from Jade's perspective. Depending on how you guys like that style, I may do it again in later chapters. Super cute chpt if I may say so myself. If anyone has any suggestions for things that should happen, lemme know! Thanks and enjoy!**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 9 Jade POV

"Oh my God, J, you look like such a dyke!"

"Shut it, Q. Least I don't look like a cracked out Manson child!"

The blonde shoved me playfully as we were walking towards the parking lot where we were to meet up with Karly and Jordan. Quinn really was trying to rock the more punk look that night with her ripped, dark skinny jeans, white sorority tank top, black leather jacket and converse. I have never known someone who could pull that look off but Quinn made it work with her pink highlighted hair and dark eye make up.

"Hey, ladies!" Jordan called, waving us over to her Escalade. "You ready to rock the night?"

"Fuck yeah!" Q yelled, fist pumping the air like the drunk dork she was.

"I need a night out so yes, let's do this shit!" I followed.

I crawled into the back assuming that Quinn was going to follow but when she sat in the bucket seat in front of me and just winked with a smirk, I raised an eyebrow at her. Before I had a chance to actually say anything about it, we were pulling up in front of Cat and Tia's building.

"Dude, why aren't you sitting back here with me? That's rude," I stage whispered over the music.

She didn't even spare me a glance; instead her gaze was trained outside the window intently. "That's why," Quinn murmured and nodded her head in the direction she was looking.

"Wha.." I had to do a double take at the girls approaching the car. My head whipped around so fast I was afraid I was going to feel it in my neck the following morning. "Well now I feel incredible gay and under dressed," I said quietly but Q heard me and started giggling. I was in simple blue jeans that hugged my legs and ass nicely, a navy button down shirt open until the top of my bra was just about to show and with the sleeves rolled up, and simple flats. In Quinn's defense, I did kind of look like a lesbian.

Cat pulled open the back passenger door and the light from inside the car lit up her outfit perfectly. She looked amazing. My eyes fell to the shinny four-inch stilettos that would likely put her at about my height and then traveled up her body taking in her toned, dancer legs that were on full display under that ridiculous excuse for a dress. I swear, that small bunch of cloth could hardly be called a dress and is likely illegal in all 50 states. But damn did it make her ass look amazing and hugged her athletic frame beautifully.

"Wow, short stuff, you look absolutely stunning," I heard Quinn remark in front of me. Jordan said something along the lines of turning gay if they kept dressing like that but I was too caught up in admiring Cat's flawless beauty to be paying much attention.

It wasn't until said girl I was staring at started to climb into the back with me that I snapped to attention. When she leaned forward to avoid hitting her head, her dress fell forwards just a little bit, enough to tease the hell out of me and make my body flush with heat.

When she sat down and everyone started talking or singing to the radio, I built up the courage to lean over and talk to her.

"You look beautiful, Cat." It was the biggest understatement I had ever uttered but it was all that my brain would process being that close to the goddess.

She turned to look at me, putting our faces mere inches away from each other. "Thank you," she breathed out on to my lips.

I couldn't help but flick my eyes down to her lips when they moved and then watch as her tongue peeked out to wet them. Subconsciously I started to lean forward, like there was some sort of pull acting on me and forcing me to be as close to Cat as possible. I could see her eyes flicker between my eyes and my lips and a slight blush tint her cheeks. _You got this, West, now get the girl! _And of course as soon as we were literally a second away from kissing, Quinn just had to burst into drunken laughter and break the trance we were in. Cock-blocking bitch. I pulled back quickly, licking my suddenly dry lips and blinking a few times, trying to clear my head after being so close to Cat. I chanced a quick glace back at her and saw a flash of what looked like disappointment cross her face but it was gone as quickly as it was there.

After what felt like an eternity, but was likely just a few minutes, we pulled into the parking lot. Cat insisted on getting out last so no one had to see her ass again and I fought to not show the disappointment I was feeling at not being able to shamelessly stare at her back side. I lingered by the car with Quinn once we got out but when Cat finally closed the door and Jordan locked it, I noticed Quinn slide her hand into Cat's. I hadn't realized I was staring until I looked up and caught Cat's eye for a few moments. With hast, I jogged the few yards ahead to catch up with Jordan, Karly, and Tia and pretend to get in on their conversation.

The line for the club wasn't too long so we all put on our most sober faces and pulled out our IDs and cash. Being the gentle-woman that I was, I insisted on paying for Tia, figuring that getting in with the best friend was the easiest way for me to get a leg up on Quinn. Plus, I really liked the biracial dancer. She was really pretty and a good time to hang out with. Once everyone had been patted down and paid, we made our way inside. It was bigger than I anticipated but pretty much what every other club I had been to was like. Cat led the way for our group and I found myself being tugged along by Tia behind the rest of the girls towards the dance floor in the techno room.

Once we found a decent spot for us all to fit in comfortably, Tia linked her arms around my neck and pulled me towards her with a big smile. It was contagious so I had to return it as I let my hands rest on her hips and we moved to the music. My eyes wandered some after a few songs and I noticed everyone dancing kind of in a big group. Every fiber of my being wanted to be dancing with Cat but after our close call in the car, I was a nervous wreck. That didn't stop me from watching her body glide and grind to the music, though. After a little while, I noticed a short Latina who looked like a wanna be Cholo slide up next to Cat and whisper something into her ear. Cat's face lit up with a bright smile as she turned to look at the girl. I couldn't help but feel annoyed that everyone was getting to dance with her except me. I watched them dance, hardly paying any attention to what my own body was doing (I'm sure I was off the beat completely at one point), and seething inside. Cat dropped her body to the ground and then straightened her legs, leaving her ass pressed up against the Latina and looking at me for a moment while she shook her hips into the girl behind her. That was all it took for me to snap.

Before I realized what I was doing, I'd taken the few strides between myself and the "couple" and wrapped my fingers around Cat's wrist, pulling her body to me. Her eyes snapped up to meet mine and she looked relatively surprised at my sudden outburst, as was I.

She was pissed, likely from me being so rude. "What are you doing?"

_Okay, you can't go and grab a girl and then not think through what you are going to say, what the fuck is wrong with you, West? _So I just went with the truth. "I want to dance with you, and you can't be like that with her."

Cat's swaying stopped and she looked at me quizzically, making me swallow nervously. A small smirk played at her lips. "Why not? I'm not with anyone and it's just dancing. Not like she was guna take me against the wall or anything."

_What the- uh, hello? What the hell are Q and I to her then? Great, now I have awesome visual images of that fucking Cholo pressing her up against a wall and letting her nasty ass lips cover her smooth, tan, lush… _"I just- you can't. You're… Um.. Fuck, Cat, you know I can't do this shit." She just looks at me, waiting for me to make actual sentences in my frustration. "Fuck, I just- I just want you to dance with me like that. I mean you fucking make out with Q all the time and I just have to sit here and watch and it just- fucking sucks…"_ Smooth, now you've let her know your insecurities. Nicely done. __**Shut up!**_

A small smile crossed her lips and she wrapped her arms around my neck, running her fingers through my hair lightly. "Are you jealous, Jadey?" God she was such a tease, and I hated that nickname from anyone except her.

"No! Okay, yeah maybe a little. I just can't figure out what's wrong with me for you to not like me like that." I let my eyes fall to my chest with shame at how ridiculously insecure I was. I couldn't bare to see the look in her eyes and have my worst fear confirmed at the moment.

Cholo chick interrupted the moment, and I couldn't help but give a frustrated grunt at how often we were being interrupted that night. "Hey, chica, we guna dance or what?"

_Please say no, please say no… _"I'm sorry," I looked up, not sure if she was talking to me or the Latina. She was looking over her shoulder at the other girl, not letting me go. "I'm going to dance with this beautiful woman in front of me. Thank you so much, though." I shot the other girl a smirk before remembering I had just made a fool of myself to the girl I loved and let my face drop again.

"Sure, whatevs."

Cat turned back to face me and I hesitantly met her gaze again. God she was so beautiful, and with those heels on I could easily look into her warm chocolate eyes and get lost forever. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and bit down lightly. My eyes watched the movement and I licked my own lips, wondering what hers must taste like. Before I knew what was happened, she'd released her lip and was leaning forward, closing the minimal gap between our bodies.

My eyes fluttered shut when I felt warm lips cover mine. It was so soft and gentle and just perfect. After a few seconds, I tilted my head slightly to deepen the kiss and wrapped my arms around her more securely. I was not going to let this chance pass me by again. I felt her smile against my mouth but tighten her hold, too, sliding one hand to my cheek and pressing her lips against mine harder. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth slightly and nibbled on it, eliciting a low moan from Cat that sent a shiver straight between my legs. When we broke apart, I gazed into her eyes trying to convince myself that that really just happened. She smiled at me and pecked my lips again, effectively proving it did, before wrapping her arms around me again and hugging me close to her body.

"'Bout damn time!" Tia shouted.

I'd completely forgotten we even had come with other people. Cat pulled away from me, turning so her back was pressed against my chest, and smiled shyly. "Well, she clearly wasn't going to make the move so I had to take it into my own hands," she laughed and grabbed my hands, laying them on her stomach and lacing her fingers with mine.

"True, Jade wouldn't shut up about you and how unfair it was I kept getting the sweet lady kisses but never had the balls to do anything about it," Quinn agreed with an evil smirk on her face.

I blushed and hid my face in Cat's hair, breathing in the familiar scent. "It's okay, I think it's adorable that she's so shy," Cat replied, reaching a hand back and running it through my hair. "Although, Q, that means you don't get any more sweet lady kisses. Least not from us."

I raised my head at hearing that. I had to see Quinn's reaction to being rejected sexy times. The blonde just shot us a genuine smile and shook her head. "I'm more than okay with that. I know how much you both like each other, shit I was the damn go-between for both of you, so I am more than happy to give up my sexy times. Besides, watching is just as much fun," she winked at us and then grabbed Tia's hand to start dancing again.

We all just laughed at Quinn and her teenage-boy libido. The rest of the night was spent dancing with each other and having to make it obvious to a few different girls that Cat was not available for dancing, or anything. Quinn helped me fend them off with icy glares a few times, too.

"Hey, Q, I'll me you back at my place," I called, tossing the blonde my swipe so she could get in. She just smiled and shot me a wink before walking off towards my building.

Tia smiled at me before telling Cat she'd see her up stairs and giving me a quick hug goodbye.

"So, um," I looked down and bit on the inside of my bottom lip bashfully, before raising my gaze to look at Cat again. "I'm sorry about earlier tonight… I was jealous and I guess I don't know how to handle that very well."

Cat smiled at me, sliding her hand down my bare forearm and pulling my hand out of my pocket to link our fingers together. "To be fair, I have been jealous on a number of occasions watching you and Quinn interact."

I was startled by that. I hadn't even given it thought that she would like me the same I liked her so hearing that my relationship with Q bothered her was a surprise. I raised an eyebrow, "Oh yeah? Well, you don't have to worry about that. Sure Q's hot, but what I feel for you is in no way even comparable to my friendship with her." Don't ask, I don't have any idea where the courage to say that came from.

The petite brunette didn't respond but smiled softly and leaned in to kiss me. It was soft and slow and caring. I let my free hand brush through her hair before breaking our lips. "Can I take you out some time this week?"

The smile on Cat's face only grew. "I would love that, Jade."

I squeezed her hand. "Great. Well have an amazing night, Cat, and thank you for the dances." I released her hand, letting my hand go to her waist, and pressed a chaste yet firm kiss to her pouty lips before flashing her a smile and turning to leave.

I heard her whisper a breathy "good night" and I smiled to myself, knowing I made the confident Cat breathless. I took my time strolling back to my dorm room, replaying the night's events over and over in my mind. Everything had been so incredible I was half expecting to be rudely woken up by my alarm clock at any moment. When I pushed open my door, Quinn was laying on her stomach on my bed in a pair of basketball shorts and a beater without a bra. She flickered her gaze up from my laptop to look at me, a broad smile stretching over her face immediately.

"Ah, so tell me, West, any new developments?" She was such a fuckin' smart ass I wondered how we were able to be such good friends sometimes.

"Har har," I shot back sarcastically but with an equally large grin on my face. I stripped off my jeans and shirt to be replaced with sweats and a tank top. "I asked her out for some time this week…" My face suddenly fell as I sat on the bed next to Quinn.

The blonde noted my face and sat up, crossing her legs and shutting my computer. "What? What's wrong?"

After a few seconds, I turned to look at her with concern etched in my eyes. "I've never taken someone out before, I've always been the one taken out… What the fuck am I supposed to do for this date?"


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Hey guys! So I wrote this while tipsy and kind of had to go back to it a few times, so I'm sorry this is so delayed. It was my 22nd birthday Friday and then with St Patrick's Day I was wanting to get this done while not too wasted =P I am finishing up midterms as we speak, hence why it's a little short, but I will update more quickly after this week. Thx for your patience, everyone. As always, read and review! Enjoy!**

**Xox**

**B (the birthday girl!)**

Chpt 10

Cat POV

The tan girl raked her eyes over my body; I could nearly feel her heated gaze. "Damn, C. Jade is a lucky girl!" My cheeks blushed deeply as I fidgeted with the hem of my flowing black and blue dress that fell above my knees. "Where's she taking you anyway?"

"I don't know, she won't tell me," I replied, lining my eyes with black liner and a modest brown shadow.

"So romantic! I didn't take Jade as the romantic type, honestly," Tia commented from across the room.

"Yeah, I know. Me neither. It's cute it took her two weeks after that night in the club to finally figure it out and work up the nerve to ask me. I never knew Jade to be shy in high school. This is kinda refreshing actually."

My phone vibrated on my bed where it was charging still from last night and I flicked my eyes to the clock. 2:37pm. Tia picked up my phone and read the text from Jade out loud.

**Hey Beautiful, I'll see you in 20 min, I'm really excited to see you! Xo**

Tia wiggled her eyebrows suggestively as she finished typing out my quick reply and I just laughed at her.

"God, I'm nervous. More nervous than I've ever been for any show or performance… Is that pathetic?" I asked my roommate, finally turning away from the mirror to see her honest opinion or my emotional state.

"Of course not! She's your high school love. If you weren't nervous, I'd be worried. On that note, though, don't worry so much. I have a great feeling today will be amazing for you… and I want details when you're back!" Leave it to T to make me laugh when the butterflies in my stomach were getting to be too much. We giggles together and talked a bit more until there was a knock on our door.

Tia shot a wink my way when I looked over at her and then proceeded to push me towards the door while she got my phone, purse and ID put together for me. I took a deep breath and turned the handle slowly, almost afraid to start something that hadn't even had a chance yet.

There, in all of her glory, was Jade. She looked beautiful in a nice pair of black jeans and blue over shirt covering a white wife beater that made her eyes stand out. I was in awe by the sight before me, and then nearly brought to tears by the bouquet of lilies she held. How she knew my favorite flower, I still don't know. Her face lit up with a smile that made her eyebrow ring glint in the hall light.

"Wow," she gushed after a few seconds of staring at me, "You look breath taking."

I smiled shyly and took the flowers from her. "Thank you, Jade. These are beautiful and you look great." I turned to put the lilies in a vase I found in my closet and then set them on my desk.

"Hey, T!" Jade called from the doorway. Tia waved to her before shoving my stuff in my hands and pushing me towards the door.

Jade laughed; even though she was nervous I still loved hearing that amazing sound. "Someone wanted you out of the house."

"Yeah, I think she's as excited for this date as I am."

"Oh, well in that case, let's invite her," Jade joked, faking to turn back towards my room. I grabbed her arm and pulled her down the hall towards the elevators, smiling at her antics.

I was surprised to see Jade pull out a set of keys and hit the FOB to unlock a Honda Pilot.

"I'm borrowing Q's car. She was holding out on us, I guess," the taller girl explained while pulling open my door for me.

Once she was settled into the driver's side and turned it over, I asked again what had been on my mind since I'd woken up 8 hours before. "So, where is it you are taking me?"

She threw a mischievous wink and smirk my way. "Can't tell you just yet, Beautiful, but you'll see soon enough."

She laced her free hand with mine and rested them in my lap. The warmth I felt from her thumb caressing the back of my hand was enough to quench my need to know what to expect. So I leaned back and took in the passing city as we drove down the highway. We hadn't done anything yet but already it was the best date I'd ever had.

A little over a half an hour later we were pulling off the highway and into the city of Oakland. I hadn't spent much time in the surrounding Bay Area cities, being from southern California, so I was fascinated by the difference between there and Berkeley. Jade took her hand back to maneuver the car around and before too long, we were pulling up to a gate. She paid an entrance fee and then parked not far from there.

I got out and looked around, slightly confused. "Um, Jade? What are we doing? Where are we?"

She just smiled and grabbed my hand again. "C'mon, you'll see. Put on your sweater, though, it might be a little chilly."

She led me through a small trail and into a clearing by a lake. Jade pulled me along behind her as she walked up to the small building on the shore by a dock.

"Hey, how you ladies doing this afternoon?" a young guy said from the window.

"Great, thanks. I have a reservation under Jade West."

"Perfect. Right this way, Miss West and guest."

He walked out from inside the building and onto the dock with us following close behind. The lake was beautiful. There were ducks, geese, and birds of all kinds fluttering around and swimming along the surface of the water. It was a clear afternoon and the sun was just starting to try to set so it cast an amazing glow around the lake and shoreline. The young man stopped in front of a small rowboat.

I gasped when I finally understood what was going on. "Jade!"

She smiled and helped me into the boat before climbing in herself. The young man untied us and wished us a great time before heading back to his post.

"Sorry, I know it's a little cliché to do this on the first date, but I figured you hadn't been around here and it's nice enough weather to enjoy some time outside before winter sets in completely," Jade said while slowly rowing us away from the dock.

I gazed at the shimmering water and then to my date who was even more beautiful that the scenery around me. "This is amazing and so romantic. Thank you." I leaned over and placed a sweet kiss on her lips for a few seconds.

We rowed around for a little while, talking quietly and watching the ducks bathe. After a while I took the oars and rowed us some, as well. It was so nice to just spend time together and talk. With Quinn or Tia around almost constantly, we didn't get time like that very often.

"As nice as this has been, Cat, we have got to head back to shore to make the next reservation. Besides, you're starting to shiver some," Jade commented after about two hours on the lake.

The sun was starting to dip behind the trees and the light breeze was a bit cold so I agreed and she rowed us back to the dock. She climbed out first after tying up the boat and then reached out her hand to help me out. We walked back to the car hand in hand and then headed back towards the bay. Jade pulled up to a relatively small restaurant but it seemed completely packed.

"Can we even get in here?" I asked.

"Not without reservations usually, but we have them so don't worry, hun."

She held the door open for me and then took my hand again.

"Reservations under West for the 6:30 seating," Jade addressed the hostess.

"Of course, right this way."

The restaurant was small and cozy but it looked expensive. Chez Panisse. It sounded familiar but I couldn't place why I knew the name. Either way, we were seated at a small table and given menus. The kitchen was open to the dinning area so we could see what the chef and assistant chefs were doing. It was probably one of the coolest experiences I'd had in a long time.

"So," I began, "what's good here?"

Jade looked up from her menu and smiled at me. "Everything. Alice Walters, the owner of this place, is known for having amazing menus that change every night and everything is made from organically grown and raised products that are fresh each day. So, really you can't go wrong here."

I laughed at her passionate mini rant. "Someone did their homework!"

"Why do you think it took me so long to ask you out? I had to pull some strings to even get the reservation this quickly; usually it's a month's wait."

"Aww, well thank you baby."

She choked on her water, grabbing her napkin to wipe her mouth. I reached over for her hand. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she croaked out. "You just called me 'baby' and I was surprised."

"Oh," I blushed, totally unaware of my slip up. "I'm sorry."

She grabbed my hand again. "No, no. It's not a bad thing. I, um, actually really like it," Jade trailed of bashfully.

I gained back some confidence and pulled her towards me, letting my tongue swipe over her bottom lip before pulling back and whispering against her lips. "Good, 'cause I like calling you baby."

Our waiter came over then to get our orders and we continued to flirt and talk through the meal. The food was amazing but the company made the entire night. I was certain by the time Jade insisted on paying for the check that I could spend the rest of my life with the woman across from me.

After driving me back to campus, Jade ended the night with a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips and a shy 'good night' before squeezing my hand once more and turning back down the hallway. I watched her figure disappear down the stairwell before I slid my ID into my dorm door and pushed it open.

"Okay, spare me no details, I want to know everything!" Tia exclaimed, bouncing on her bed and waiting impatiently for me to change into sleep clothes. I couldn't help the huge smile that filtered across my lips and the blush that tinted my cheeks.

"It was perfect…"

**AN: Okay, guys. I have an issue. I am kind of stalled on this story as of right now. I'm (finally) on spring break for the week so I want to update again before school and my life gets ridiculous but I need some help and suggestions so please, please, my faithful followers, send me some ideas? Thanks and love you all! xox**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Hey guys, thanks for being so patient with me. This chpt is a little hard to handle to an extent but bare with me and we'll make it through together :) As always, let me know what you think. Enjoy.**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 11 Jade POV

"Wait, so, like you guys haven't done it yet?"

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. We'd been talking about this for the last half hour and it was starting to make me more nervous than I already was.

"No, Q. We haven't. Unlike you, I actually feel that sex is kinda a big fucking deal and I want it to be perfect our first time. I'm just worried she doesn't want to be like that with me…" I trailed off, coming to sit on my bed next to the blonde laying on her back.

She quirked an eyebrow at me (something I was growing to really hate seeing, it was so fucking annoying). "First off, fuck you, I do think sex is special, most of the time. And secondly, you're being stupid, J. It's only been a month. And honestly, with the way she basically undresses you with her eyes anytime she sees you, I highly doubt she doesn't want to get freaky with you."

"Way to make it seem so special, ass."

"You know what I meant. Why are you freaking out so much anyway? Maybe it'll happen tonight. What are you guys going to do for your anniversary anyway?"

"I dunno. Like we get really into it and things have gotten really heated but then she always pulls away and just cuddles into me. I mean, c'mon, she didn't even think twice about following a guy into his bed two months ago but she pulls away with someone she's known for years? What's up with that?" Okay, okay. I know that comment was kinda insensitive and it's probably a good thing I never said that to Cat but I was really starting to think something was wrong. Yes, I wanted the first time to be really special 'cause she deserved it, but I just couldn't figure her out. She was by far the hardest person for me to read (especially considering she had me and everyone else fooled for years in high school about just about everything).

Quinn shot me a disapproving look when I mentioned Cat's past sexual escapades with men and I ducked my head with embarrassment. "I know you're upset but don't be an jackass, Jade. You know that's some fucked up shit to say." I nodded and bit my lip before she continued. "And don't stress about it. She really really cares about you so when the timing is right, it will happen. Okay? So just relax and let things just happen without expectations."

I sighed again and flopped back beside my friend. She was right. I was being stupid about the whole thing. It had just been a month; I shouldn't have been so freaked out about something like that. Every part of our relationship was perfect. We had great times together going out or just studying together and even when we fought (I mean, not everything changed from high school) we always came out together with better understanding.

"You're right, I'm sorry for dumping this bullshit on you. I need to get going though; I was going to take Cat out and go star gazing for a bit after a late dinner to celebrate but she called earlier saying she wasn't feeling so well so I'm just going to go over there and we're having a movie night since Tia left for the weekend with Cierra."

"Cool," Quinn said, rolling off my bed and throwing on her jacket to leave my dorm. "And, Jade. Just let things happen, 'cause they will at the right time."

"Thanks, Q." She flashed me a smile before closing the door behind her and leaving me to get my shit together to stay the night at Cat's.

Within a few minutes I was ready and making the chilly walk to Cat's building. When I got there, I waved at Darcy, the girl working behind the desk and she buzzed me in. I'd been over at Cat's so much I basically knew all of the student staff by name at that point.

"Hey, Jade!" she chirped.

"Hey, Darc. Have a great night!"

When I got to Cat's room I just pushed the door open, knowing she was waiting for me and left the door unlocked. I was surprised to not see her at her desk or on her bed when I walked in. I looked around while I took off my shoes and jacket but couldn't find her anywhere.

"Hey Cat? You in here?" I called into the seemingly empty room.

I heard some shuffling from the bathroom and a whimper before a weak 'in here' was called out. I slowly walked towards the bathroom and knocked gently.

"You okay, babe?"

There was no response, just muffled crying and sniffling from the other side of the door. I knocked again when there was a crash and a small yelp of pain. While I was all for privacy, I couldn't just stand there so I hesitantly twisted the doorknob and peeked my head in the room, immediately gasping in complete shock.

The first thing I noticed was all of the blood smeared around on the floor and the shelf that was clearly the cause of the noise that was knocked over and its contents spilled everywhere. Cat was sitting on the toilet, with her sweats around her ankles and her head in her hands, doubled over in pain. I couldn't see her face but it was clear she was crying as her shoulders shook with sobs.

I rushed into the room, no caring if my bare feet got blood on them, and pulled the curtain of dark curls away from her face. "Oh my God, Cat, what's wrong? What happened?"

She looked up with the most broken and confused eyes I had ever seen. "I don't know what's wrong. Th-there's s-s-so much blood." She clutched her stomach again in pain, whimpering and leaned into my chest that was level with her head since I kneeled down. "It hurts, Jade… so much."

I didn't know what to do. There was a lot of blood and it seemed like she was still bleeding and in obvious pain. I wrapped my arms around her waist and helped her stand, grabbing as much toilet paper as I could and helping to clean her up some in between waves of pain. The bleed had slowed some and was just a trickle but the pain hadn't subsided and I knew we had to get her to the doctor.

"Hey, stud. Miss me already?"

"Q, Cat's hurt or something. Get your ass in your car and get over here now. We have to get her to the ER," I nearly yelled into the phone.

"What? Fuck, okay I'll be there in 2 minutes."

I quickly hung up the phone and bundled Cat into a warm coat and shoes. She had never looked so small in all of the time I knew her and it scared the shit out of me. She was such a strong person and here she was broken, confused, and in pain. My chest ached even more with each wave of pain that wracked her tiny frame. Her small whimpers tore at my heart. In that moment, there was nothing more I wanted than to be able to switch places with her and take away all of that pain. As cliché as it sounds, it killed me to be so helpless.

The blonde burst through Cat's door and quickly helped me carry Cat to the car. I climbed in next to her and wrapped my arms around her, trying to absorb everything that was happening. Quinn tore out of the school grounds and weaved her way through traffic, ignoring the blaring car horns when she cut them off. Within minutes we were pulling up to the ER entrance of St. Luke's hospital.

I helped Cat out of the car and then carried her bridal style into the emergency room. A nurse saw us as the glass doors slid open and quickly asked what was wrong, motioning me to lay the body in my arms on a near by bed.

"I-I don't know. I found her in the bathroom covered in blood. There was a lot of it. It's not as bad now but the pain in her stomach hasn't let up yet," I rambled out, nervously running my thumb over Cat's small hand. She was curled on her side on the bed with her eyes closed as tears leaked out of her eyes and dripped off her nose.

"Alright, thank you, we've got it from here," the nurse said back to me before addressing a doctor that was now walking up. "Dr. Lopez, young female with excessive bleeding and stomach pain."

The young Latina doctor nodded quickly pulling out her stethoscope and checking vitals as other nurses hooked up different tubes and wires to Cat's body. The last thing I could see was a male nurse push an IV into Cat's left hand before I was ushered out into the waiting room with Quinn.

"Thank you for bringing her in, ladies. Are either of you family?" the first nurse we met asked.

Quinn and I both shook our heads. "No, but I've known her for years."

"And your name?"

"Jade West"

"Alright, well we need to contact Miss Valentine's parents before we can let you know anything but your friend is in good hands." With that she left to go make a phone call.

Q and I waited for a good hour before we saw the nurse again. I saw her first and stood up quickly, trying to wipe away the few stubborn tears that managed to slip down my cheeks.

"I contacted Miss Valentine's parents and they allowed us to let you know of their daughter's status once I told them your name, Jade, and will let Cat be released with you later on." I just stood there silently, partially grateful for being allowed to know what the hell was happening to my girlfriend but also equally pissed that the Valentine's clearly didn't give a shit what happened to Cat in the least.

After a few moments the nurse spoke again. "Cat's awake and had been medicated for pain but she is asking for you both. So you're welcome to go back to her room."

I looked over at Quinn and she grabbed my hand before we slowly walked down the hallway towards where we knew Cat was laying. I had to take a calming breath before slipping between the curtains separating Cat from the other patients. She looked so small and washed out dressed in a light blue hospital gown and bundled up in the standard white blankets. She had her eyes closed so I walked over quietly and took her right hand (the one without the IV and heart monitor) in mine gently.

Her eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times before she focused on my face and a small, sad smile graced her lips.

"Hey, baby girl. How ya feeling?"

"Better. The meds they gave me are helping, just a little sleepy now," she croaked back with a yawn that, even in her sad state, was completely adorable.

Quinn came up beside me and patted Cat's leg. "You royally freaked us out, Lil bit. What happened?" Leave it to Q to be so blunt and ask what had been on my mind since I found her over two hours ago.

Cat cast her eyes down and tried to pull her hand away from mine but I just held tighter.

"What happened, babe? You can tell us, you know you can," I urged her.

"I know… I just- it's weird. It hasn't really even sunk in for me, yet." We waited patiently for a few minutes while Cat tried to get her breathing under control and blink back the tears. "I, um. All the blood and the stomach pain… was 'cause I miscarried."

We were speechless. She had been pregnant. I did some quick math and came to the conclusion that it was still the first trimester, thankfully, but still a couple of months most likely. Cat looked up at me with absolute terror in her eyes as her chin started to quiver and her eyes glassed over with tears. She was clearly scared that I'd leave her or something because of this. There was really nothing I could say so I did the next best thing I could think of. I climbed into the bed next to her, wary of the wires and what not, and just wrapped my arms around her. She laid her head on my chest and shook silently as tears bled into my shirt. Q walked to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge that was left, rubbing circles on Cat's back while singing quietly. We stayed like that until Cat's crying died down and she fell asleep.

I gently pulled my arms out from around her, kissed her forehead, and pushed off the bed. Quinn followed me out into the hallway.

"I can't- this is crazy… I don't even know what to think let alone what to say or do for her," I whispered, the tears in my eyes making my voice waver.

Q wrapped me in a hug and just held me for a few moments before murmuring into my ear. "There isn't much we can say or do. But we have to be there for her, now more than ever. This is going to be a lot more of an emotional blow than anything and we have to be strong for her."

I just nodded into her shoulder and let the tears I was holding back finally break free. After a few minutes the young doctor we had met earlier came down the hallway, slipping in to check on Cat and then quietly made her way towards us.

"You're the girls who brought Cat in, right?" she asked quietly, aware of the late hour.

Quinn answered considering my throat really didn't want it to make it easy for me to breathe let alone speak. "Yeah, I'm Quinn Fabray, Cat's friend, and Jade is her girlfriend."

The Latina raised an eyebrow at that slightly but smiled, sadly. "I'm sure she told you what happened." We both nodded. "She's going to be spotting and sore for the next few days. But I'll give her some IB Profin and she should be alright. The hardest part will be the emotional toll this will most definitely take on her. Even though she likely had no idea she was pregnant nor wanted a child, the influx in hormones alone will put her in a spell of depression. My advice it to keep her in company of good friends for the next few weeks and just keep her busy. Too much time alone most likely won't be healthy, especially considering her past with self-harm that's so evident on her body." She gave us another smile before reaching out and squeezing my shoulder. "You are great friends for her. Just keep her busy and her mind preoccupied. She can go home in the morning if everything checks out. Will you both be staying the night?"

Without any hesitation I quickly nodded, not even waiting to see what Quinn thought. Evidently she agreed with me when the young doctor just smiled and showed us to a few empty beds not far away from Cat's where she said we could rest for a while. After we thanked Dr. Lopez and she wished us a good night, Quinn and I crawled onto the rather uncomfortable hospital beds (that completely blew the plastic waiting room chairs out of the water). I rolled my head to my left and saw Quinn looking at me. She outstretched her hand to me and I linked our hands together, finally letting myself close my eyes and falling into a fitful sleep.

Something warm and soft brushed lightly over my cheek, drawing me out of the dream (or nightmare) I'd been in. I pursed my lips together and scrunched my eyebrows before letting the horrible hospital lighting into my eyes. I realized the warmth was from Cat's small hand ghosting over my face and outlining my features. She was watching her fingertips closely as I watched her looking at me. After a few moments, when her hand got back closer to my eyes, she realized I was awake and moved to take her hand back. I quickly grabbed it, sitting up as I did so, and groaned from the kink in my neck and stiff muscles. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I finally left the beds Q and I had been in and pulled a chair up next to Cat's bed. Sometime during my soft humming and caressing of her hand, I must have fallen asleep with my head on the side of her bed. An act I was paying for greatly that morning. I twisted my torso and sighed contently at the numerous pops that resonated from my spine and two loud cracks from my neck. Cat just winced as she watched me.

"Q went to go get you some coffee," she finally spoke into the silence.

I smiled. Those girls certainly knew me well and how badly I was going to need coffee after a night like that. "How are you feeling?"

"Um… I'm okay. Not as much pain and Dr. Lopez says that everything looks good so I can leave in about a half an hour. She's just getting the release forms together." She looked thoughtful for a moment before continuing. "I guess my parents really don't care…"

I got up quickly at that and sat next to her, cupping her cheek in my hand as her eyes glistened with tears. "They may not, but you know damn well how much Q and I love you. We are family and family is forever."

She smiled and leaned into my hand as she tried to blink back the tears. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips before smiling at her. It was moments like that when I could feel my chest swell with how much I loved that girl.

"Look who I found," Quinn said, leading Dr. Lopez in behind her and handing me a Styrofoam cup.

"Everything looks great, Cat, so you are allowed to go whenever you are ready. I gave Quinn some more painkillers in case you start to get sore in the next few days. Just take things easy for a little while but keep yourself busy. I know you're a dancer but I would advise taking a few weeks off, at least until Christmas Break. Then start easy and work into it. Alright?" Dr. Lopez said with a sincere smile.

Cat looked a little crest fallen at the mention of having to avoid dancing for a while but she smiled back at the doctor and thanked her for everything, agreeing that she'd call if there were any other problems. Once the doctor and Q left, I helped Cat back into her sweats that she came in and tied her shoes for her. I helped her off of the bed and wrapped an arm around her waist as we walked back into the waiting room to get Q and head back to campus.

Quinn dropped us off at Cat's building promising to come up in a little while and check in on her, but gave me a sad smile as we left. I knew the pregnancy was affecting her more than me, considering her past, and likely just needed some time to process everything before she could really be there for Cat. I think Cat understood that as well. When we made it to her room I tucked her into her covers and put on a movie at a low volume before excusing myself to go call Tia and explain everything to her so she'd understand when she got back later that night. I also called Lynn to let her know that Cat, Quinn, and myself wouldn't be at the group meeting today and again explained that Cat had been in the hospital and was told to rest for a few days. I left out the details, figuring that if Cat wanted to tell everyone next time she could but it wasn't my place.

Once I was done making the calls, I tiptoed back into the room and found Cat asleep in bed, curled up clutching my hoodie I had left next to her when I went to make calls. All I could do was smile down at her. Never had I seen Cat look so small or broken, not even when she was confessing her past to us the first time. I just wanted to hold her and keep anything and everything bad in this fucked up world away from her for the rest of our lives. So I did the next best thing. I shut the blinds and crawled into bed next to her, pulling my hoodie from her arms and smiling when she unconsciously just moved closer to me and wrapped her little arms around my stomach instead. I pulled her closer to me and placed a kiss to her forehead and began rubbing her back. After a few moments she sighed and a ghost of a smile flitted across her lips. Nuzzling my face in her hair, I breathed in and mentally started preparing myself for the days to come. It wasn't going to be a fun ride, but I had to be there for her and let her know how much she was loved. And God did I love her. So placing one last kiss to her head, I let my mind wander and eventually fell asleep with the love of my life in my arms.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Hey guys, school is getting crazy so I am so sorry about the long wait. I have this week and next of regular classes, then finals, and then I am graduating college so this will be the last update until after 5/11/12 but then I will be back with a _vengeance_ cause I have great ideas for this! So bear with me please! Thanks again for everyone following and reviewing, you're all awesome and keep me motivated!**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 12 Cat POV

I was roused from sleep by a consistent dull ache in my lower stomach. Rolling over, I came face to face with a mass of dark brown hair that was spilled over my pillow next to me. It was only then that I realized there was a warm arm around my waist holding me securely. As I took in all of Jade's features in the dim morning light while she slept, the events from the previous day came flooding back. I groaned quietly and rubbed the sleep from my eyes furiously. Everything still was bouncing around in my head and I was trying my best to make sense of it but I was coming up short. How in the fucking hell had I been pregnant and not known? And by a one night stand when he used protection? I mean, sure condoms aren't 100% effective but I had had so much sex and never had a scare that I couldn't understand how that had happened.

A radiating pain brought me out of my thoughts making me suck in a breath. I rolled over, careful to not wake up the girl in my bed, and quietly slipped out of Jade's grasp. My stomach ached and there was a strange pulsing pressure between my legs that didn't like me trying to walk around. I finally made it to my desk and took two of the pain meds the doctor had given me with a bottle of water. Pulling on some sweats and a heavy coat, I grabbed my phone and ID card and slipped out of my room. It was cold outside so I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept my head down against the biting cold wind. I didn't know where I was walking to but I needed time to think and just be by myself.

At some point I found myself at the fountain again. The school had long since turned the water off but I still sat on the stone ledge and let my feet bounce off of the sides. After a while of just staring at the bare fountain, I felt a warm body come up behind me. When arms circled my shoulders and a spicy scent filled my senses, I knew who it was.

"Next time you should leave me a note so I don't freak out," warm breath voiced into my ear, making me shiver slightly.

I turned my face slightly to look at my girlfriend with a small, sad smile. "Sorry, just needed to think for a while."

Jade kissed my cheek before sitting next to me, keeping one arm around my waist and burrowing closer to me for warmth. "Did you figure anything out?" she asked gently.

I shook my head and looked down to my lap, sighing. "No, not really. I mean everything feels so surreal. How could I go over two months with not knowing I was pregnant? It just seems so impossible…"

The arm around me tightened as she hummed her agreement. "It does, but it will be okay." I looked at her skeptically; at that moment nothing seemed to be okay. She turned to look me in the eye. "You will always have me, C. Always. And I don't plan on going anywhere."

A small smiled pulled at me lips as I leaned into the warm embrace, resting my forehead against the taller girl's shoulder. We sat in silence for several minutes before a shiver ran through my body.

"C'mon, let's get you home before you catch a cold, too," Jade said, holding out her hand for me to grab and lacing our fingers together.

We walked in a somewhat uncomfortable silence back to my room where Jade warmed me up some soup for lunch and I tried (in vain) to eat it before giving up and just laying down and trying to get some sleep. I may have gotten an extension on most of my homework for the week but that didn't excuse me from attending classes in the morning.

The rest of the week goes by pretty much the same way. I went to classes, tried my best to pay attention to the lessons, picked at my food when Jade made me eat, and then went to bed only to wake up in cold sweats a number of times a night. Needless to say, I looked like hell come the following weeks after the miscarriage, and people were starting to notice.

My eyes were sunk in with dark rings coloring the skin under them and rimmed with red from crying in my sleep. I lost a good 12 pounds in under two weeks, which for my small frame was boarder-line anorexic. And I was depressed. Plain and simple. Jade and Q tried to keep me company and one, if not both, of them were at my side nearly 24/7, but I was still caught in this empty feeling that ached more than the physical pain. I had resorted to finding a new way to handle the pain and remind myself I was still alive and worthy of my heart that was beating, albeit weakly, in my chest.

The first time, I was working on an Art History paper on my bed. Clad in my baggy sweats and big t-shirt (clothes I had grown to only wear, avoiding anything that even remotely showed my torso), I tapped my pen against my notebook absently. It was hard for me to focus on schoolwork sometimes; I would just get caught up in my head and time would pass by without me noticing. With one leg bent up towards my crotch and the other hanging off of my bed, I started drawing a small ring on my ankle. I drew over it again and again and again. Before I realized it, the pen was cutting into my skin and pulling back layers of the blue-tinted scrapes of my ankle. It didn't really hurt right away; it stung a little bit but nothing like when I would take the blade to my hip months before. As I kept repeating the motion, more and more layers were peeled back and a clear fluid pooled in the ring. By that point it started hurting more, but it was liberating. It was a tangible pain and I didn't bleed, which was a big deal. After a while I stopped circling the ring and took some toilet paper from the bathroom to wipe away the fluid. The ink was all scrapped away from my skin and all that was left was a redish pink ring no bigger than my pinkie nail. I grazed my finger over the new wound gentle and hissed at the sting my salty skin caused the new skin. And sadistically, I smiled. I pulled on some ankle socks, which easily covered the small circle, threw my pen into my desk drawer (since it no longer worked to write with, all clogged with my skin cells), and turned back to my paper. So began my newest form of self-harm: an action I called "carving" into my skin.

I kept up the "carving" for the few weeks leading up to Christmas Break. My parents were taking my brother on a cruise to the Virgin Islands for his graduation gift (after he took the 5 year plan to finally graduate college, and still had no fucking idea what he was going to do with his Political Science degree), which I was not invited to nor informed of until I saw my brother's Facebook status, so I was stuck on campus for the 3-week break. Jade's mom and step-dad didn't really approve of her sexuality and so didn't want her bringing me home with her. Since she wasn't going to leave me in Berkley alone for that long, she opted to stay with me. Jannette and Mark didn't even question or fight her on that. I have to say, I was pretty damn happy to know that my parents weren't the only fucked up ones out there who didn't really give a shit about their daughter.

Thankfully, with the help of Victim's Assistance and Student Services, I was able to pass all of my classes that semester with a B average. It was significantly lower than I had hoped for and was capable of, but considering the shit that went down, I was just glad I didn't fail any courses. It wasn't until the weekend after finals that plans for break finally started looking up for Jade and me.

"Hey, C, how ya feelin?" Quinn asked after I picked up my cell phone and flopped on my bed to stare at the ceiling.

"Mmm, alright. Survived finals so that's about all I care about at the moment. You? Excited to go home for break?"

"Yeah, I'm so tired of school, I already have Senioritis and I'm not even done with Junior year. So screwed for next year," she laughed and I chuckled, knowing full well she was the master procrastinator. "But as for break, I'm actually not going home. No point in going to see Judy and be bored in that ridiculous house and small ass cow town. So I propose a plan."

At that point, I rolled over and pushed up on my elbows with interest. "Oh yeah? What's your plan, el capitan?"

She laughed at my nickname for her (given because she was the brains behind most of the trouble we got ourselves into). "You and J and spending break with me. We are going to Lake Tahoe for Christmas and going to experience a White Christmas the right way with good friends and even better memories."

I deflated a little with skepticism. "It sounds great, Q, but how the hell do you plan to pull that off?"

"Um, hello. Dear old Dad gives me money every month to try and buy back my affections, along with my alcoholic mother, so I have lots of cash saved. Plus my aunt has a place up there that she is letting us use for the week or two we decide to go so we got lodging and I got the financial part covered. And that's not all!" she said the last part in her faux commercial "band wagon" voice, "Jordan is coming with us, too. I guess her parents are visiting family out of the country or feeding children in Africa or some shit. I dunno, and don't care. But it's guna be fuckin' fantastic so get pumped!"

I giggled at her enthusiasm just as Jade pushed my dorm door open and dropped her backpack on the floor by my bed. I pulled my phone away from my face somewhat to address my girlfriend.

"Hey, babe, Q got us plans for break."

"Oh yeah?'

I nodded and put the phone on speaker so Quinn could tell Jade all about the plans as well. After another twenty minutes or so of discussing plans and possible things to do in Tahoe, we were all pretty excited and decided to leave the following Tuesday so we could miss the weekend commuters and have time to get any extra stuff we might need and didn't already have.

The following day Quinn and Jade dropped me off at my psychiatrist's office (Dr. Lopez had recommended I see someone considering my history and fluctuating mood swings after the miscarriage) on their way to get some coffee not far away before picking me up again. Jennifer, as she required I refer to her as, was sweet and easy to talk to. At the time, she was the only one who knew I took up carving into my skin from time to time. She prescribed me anti-depressants to try over break and see if they helped at all with the depression, self-harm, and decreased appetite. After the 50-minute session, my phone buzzed letting me know Q and J were back and waiting outside for me. Q dropped us off at the Walmart that was a few block from campus with the reassurance from Jade that we were fine to walk back to campus. With a quick wave and a honk, the blonde with now a greenish streak in her hair (for the Christmas season) drove off and I felt Jade slip her hand into mine as we walked into the super center.

As I lead Jade to the food section of the store, she pulled on my hand slightly. My eyes darted up from my list of needed items I'd made on my iPhone to question why she stopped my movement. She wouldn't make eye contact with me and I could see the slight blush on her cheeks, even with her head down and hair falling in her face. I put my phone I my pocket and reached out to tuck some hair behind her ear.

"Jade? What's up, hun?"

"I, um…" she kind of trailed off, her voice barely above a whisper. I waited patiently for her to continue. "I just- I'm worried about you. I know you are an amazing actress but you can't hide weight loss behind baggy clothes that are nearly falling off of you. And the light in your eyes has dimmed. And when you smile, it doesn't seem full anymore. I know you need time, I'm just scared… I'm scared I'm losing you. You're fading away, Cat, and that scares the hell out of me 'cause while you may not need me, I need you." She looked down at our linked hands, biting her lip nervously.

Immediately my stomach clenched in knots as guilt washed over me. I knew I was pulling away from her subtly, I was pulling away from everyone, but I hadn't realized how much it affected her. My eyes swept over Jades form, taking in the changes she was sporting as well. Her shoulders were slumped slightly, making her only a couple inches taller than me. Her bright emerald eyes that I was so captivated by were dull and more of a stormy grey-green than anything else. She was paler than usual, which said a lot since she naturally was nearly translucent, and there were bluish half circles framing the under side of her eyes. I also wasn't the only one who had lost weight; Jade looked like she had dropped several pounds as her jeans were bunched at the hips where her belt was sinched two holes tighter than normal and her fitted t wasn't quite as fitted as the label likely had in mind.

I turned fully to face her and dropped her hand, opting to cup her cheeks in my hands and force her to look at me. Her eyes were swirling with concern and worry but mostly with love and it made tears sting the backs of my eyes. I leaned forward and pressed a firm but passionate kiss to her mouth, trying to pour everything I was feeling into that kiss and hope you understood.

Pulling back, I continued to look into her eyes. In a low, soft voice matching hers I responded. "I know I have been pulling away from you, from everyone. It's hard for me right now to feel a lot of anything but I am working with Jennifer through that and she's trying me on anti-depressants to help combat the funk I am in. I am so sorry for everything this is causing for you, Jade. I know it isn't easy for you to watch me hurting, but I want you to know how much it means to me that you haven't left or let me go. I may not say anything to you but I do know you are there always and it means more to me than I can express to you. Honestly, Jade, you and Quinn, but mostly you, are the only reason I am still here right now. I love you so much, Jade, and always have since high school. I'm sorry it's not very romantic to say this in the middle of a store and with us both crying but I need you to know how much you mean to me."

She smiles through her tears and pulls me into a tight hug, letting me nuzzle into her neck and be surrounded by her security and warmth. "It doesn't sound as romantic now that I'm saying it back, but I love you, too, Cat. I'm so in love with you," she whispered into my hair.

I giggled through tears and squeezed my arms tighter around her before stepping back and wiping at my eyes as she did the same. "C'mon, we gotta get stuff for Tahoe and still meet up with the girls for dinner later." With that, I grabbed her hand again and we set off to get everything we were in need of for the trip.

Several hours later, we were all sitting around Quinn's living room laughing and dancing to music before slowly our energy died off and we all fell asleep with the excitement for a great couple of weeks and a horrible 5 a.m. wake up call.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: I am happy to announce that I am officially done with my undergraduate career. Now, I hope to get this story moving some more. I just re-read that last chapter and found a bunch of mistakes, so my apologies! I'll be better about proof reading before I post since I don't have a beta. Anyway, on our way to Tahoe! Enjoy**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 13 Jade POV

Sharp tingling woke me from a rather deep sleep. I heard soft voices talking quietly from the front as my eyes fluttered open slowly. Trying to sit up some proved difficult with a weight on my right side. Looking to my side I realized why my arm was asleep, Cat was sleeping peacefully with her head on my shoulder and her body trapping my arm behind her waist. It had been an early morning. 5 a.m. came far too quickly after the late night we all had, and I was never one for mornings in the first place, so I was not happy to say the very least. Thankfully my shorter counter part knew me well and requested (more like demanded) that Jordan stop by Starbucks for coffee on the way out. After my morning cup, I drifted in and out of sleep for the following hour or two.

Jordan's dark eyes sensed movement and glanced at me in the rearview mirror. "Hey, sleepy head."

"Hey," I murmured quietly, "How much farther?"

"Mm, we're 'bout half way so maybe 2 hours if you wanna stop for breakfast in town before we get to Q's aunt's place."

I just nodded, slowly puling my arm from behind Cat and freezing when she started to stir. She didn't wake, though, just snuggled closer into my side and allowed me to wrap my arm more comfortably around her shoulders. I talked quietly with Quinn and Jordan for the duration of our ride, occasionally singing along to the song on the radio into Cat's hair and pressing soft kisses to her forehead. It was the most she'd slept consecutively since she got out of the hospital that I'd been witness to so I wasn't about to wake her up just yet.

"Baby girl…"

-Nothing.-

"Hey, babe…"

-Slight stir.-

-Gentle nudge and firm kiss to the forehead.- "Cat, we're stopping for breakfast and to get groceries, c'mon, love."

Brown eyes blinked sleepily up at me before focusing on my face after a few seconds. She smiled lazily and pushed up to a sitting position, stretching her arms above her head and yawning cutely (yes, she was freaking adorable, okay, don't judge my softness). I climbed out of the car first and held out my hand to help Cat out as well. Once the car was locked, we all took a moment to look around. It was beautiful. Tahoe and this part of the Cali/Nevada border got snow pretty consistently in the winter (hence why Jordan drove, she knew snow since she _was_ from one of the best ski states in the country) and it was kind of like the post-card photos you could find in Hallmark stores. Tall trees covered in glistening white snow that was nearly blinding from the early morning sunlight and all of the buildings had kind of a "cabin-y" look to them. Jordan had stopped in front of a small café-type place that looked like heaven at the moment. As pretty as it was outside, it was fucking cold and I hadn't been smart enough to bring my heavy jacket out of the car so my hoodie was trying to battle the freezing temperatures.

The café was tiny but, considering the town it was in was pretty small, too, and really spread out it made sense. A young woman, maybe mid to late twenties, came to seat us as the small bell above the door announced our presence. The waitress, Teri- as her nametag said, led us to a corner table and handed out menus before filling water glasses and bringing over three mugs (Jordan doesn't drink coffee). With the hot beverage warming my insides, I glanced over the menu. Pretty typical stuff for a diner-like place but the price was awesome. I looked up in time to see Quinn's eyes light up. I guessed she found the side of bacon that was only a dollar. That girl and her bacon, I swear it's unreal how small she is for how she eats. After a few minutes and a refill of coffee for me, Teri took our orders.

"So, my aunt sent me directions to her place, it's like ten minutes outside of town but there is a grocery store on the way that we need to hit so we can get the necessities. And a liquor store right next to it, so we're set."

She shot me a smile as I reached across the table to high-five her. Cat and J just shared looks and rolled their eyes at us. Whatever, Q and I know how to put down.

"Well, I know what I'm doing once we get there and unload," Cat said, taking a sip of her orange juice.

We all looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

She just looked back at us like we were stupid for not reading her mind, "The hot tub, duh!"

Giggles broke out as we all agreed that sounded like the best thing in the world at the moment.

After finishing breakfast and stopping by the store, Jordan wound her way through some trees and then came to a stop in front of a decent sized log cabin with a tin garage off several yards from the house. Our blonde mentioned that the ATVs, fishing boat, and dirt bikes were stored there but that we wouldn't be using any of those except maybe a 4-wheeler ride later in the week. We decided to wait to unpack after scoping the place out; it had been a number of years since Q had been there too so we were all excited to look around at our home for the following few weeks. Quinn unlocked the heavy front door and flicked on the hall lights. We basically stepped straight into the living room, and a well furnished living room at that. The floors were tile but cream, speckled carpet separated where the living room really was off to the right. Carpeted stairs lined the wall to the left while the fire place and dark tiled hearth was to the right against the wall. Deep brown leather couches created a "L" shape across from the fireplace and a modest sized TV stood on a wooden stand in the corner. Beyond the couches was the kitchen with marble counter tops, a full fridge/freezer, and (on the other side of the kitchen bar/island) a thick and very heavy looking maple dinning room table with six chairs around it and a deer antler chandeler. To the left of the kitchen a small hallway lead to the downstairs bathroom and two bedrooms. Upstairs opened up into a loft with a futon overlooking the living and dinning rooms, another full bathroom, and the last bedroom that held two queen beds in it. Quinn said this was where they used to have family reunions so the excess amount of sleeping room was greatly needed.

As Quinn started a fire and got the heat and water running at the right levels, we all unloaded the car and picked rooms. Quinn mentioned that the one room downstairs with two twin beds actually lead to the "fish room" that had to be added on to the house when her aunt was building it because the original contractor had built the roof two feet over the zoning law so it was either add on or tear down the whole roof and start over. (Evidently adding on was the cheaper option). The Fish room was actually used as the game room with a futon, two pull-out love seats, a small TV, and the Nintendo 64. Jordan roped Q into sharing the large room upstairs with her and threw me a wink on her way up the stairs. I just laughed and shook my head before grabbing Cat's duffle and slinging my own bag over my shoulder to put in the single queen room.

"Hey, Jade," Quinn called from upstairs.

"Yeah?"

"J and I are guna catch a nap, we didn't get the beloved beauty sleep you and C got on the way up here."

I walked into the living room to look up to where she was standing over the log railing. "Mkay, I think Cat and I are still going to hit the hot tub but enjoy your nap!"

"Mhmm," she hummed, turning back towards her room. "Oh, and no getting too freaky in there unless you wanna clean it later!" She threw the last bit over her shoulder before closing the door behind her.

I pulled my eyes back down from the loft and caught Cat's gaze. "So… How about that hot tub?"

She just lifted an eyebrow, smiled, and walked back into our room. I didn't waste much time in following suit. A couple minutes later we were dressed in our bikinis and wrapped large fluffy towels around our bodies that I'd found in the hall closet. Past the dinning table was a wall that was nearly all windows. The view was absolutely breath taking. So much so, I can't really even do it justice in describing it. There was a large wrap around deck with log railings (seemed like this "cabin" was basically just a decent sized house made of logs and a "cabin" feel in the décor). Two sets of glass sliding doors led to the deck with four large windows above them. It pretty much gave you the perfect view of the lake in the distance since the house was on the side of a large hill. As a slid open the doors, a gush of freezing air rushed past me and made Cat squeal behind me. We ran to the left side of the deck where the hot tub was and made quick work on the cover, hanging our towels on the hooks nailed to the outside of the house.

"Oh my God, babe, this is amazing," Cat moaned as she let her body be enveloped by the hot water.

I hummed in agreement before turning on the jets I'd found on the side of the tub.

Brown eyes burst open at the initially cold spurts of water that bubbled from the walls of the tub. "No, no! Turn them off!"

She seemed so alarmed I was worried that she'd slipped or something and jumped to switch them off. When the bubbles had settled and it was quiet again, Cat let her eyes slip shut again and laid her head back against the head rest. I stared at her incrediously, totally confused why she'd freaked out like that and then didn't explain shit.

"Uh, Cat? Why'd you make me turn them off?"

Without looking at me or moving more than her mouth, she responded in a hushed voice, "They ruin the silence and serenity, Jade. Can you hear that?" I listened closely for a few minutes but besides the tiny bubbles popping from the water heater I heard nothing and was about to say so when she spoke again. "It's so amazing to have this much quiet. It's never this quiet on campus, even at like 3 am." She let her eyes flutter open and took in the quiet stillness around us. I looked around at the snow-dusted pine trees and frozen lake in the distance, impressed we couldn't see any neighbors and even the sound of traffic was lost in all of that.

"Wow," I whispered, "You are so right. Incredible."

We sat in the hot water on opposite sides of the tub just soaking in everything for several minutes. After the hectic madness that had been our lives for the last month or more it was nice to not be so bogged down with everything. Life seemed slower and simpler out there. Eventually Cat made her way over to me slowly and sat on my lap. Her skin slipped against mine as she wrapped her arms around my neck and looked into my eyes.

She bit her bottom lip for a few seconds, flitting her gaze back and forth between my eyes, before wetting her lips and leaning into me. The kiss was slow and gentle but so full of love and meaning that I was instantly out of breath and it took me a moment before I could respond and kiss her back. There was no tongue, just warm movements of her lips against mine, before she pulled back slightly. "I love you and am so blessed to have you here with me," Cat whispered against my mouth.

I smiled and kissed her chastely before pulling back to look at her face. "I love you, too. Ya know, I think you were right that day a few months ago. God it seems like years ago, but when you asked if I believed things happened for a reason. I can honestly say that I truly believe that fate or destiny or the universe or whatever brought me to you again; that we were meant to meet again once all of our walls and masks fell away. Once we were able to be our true selves." I squeezed her waist lightly. "I was meant to fall in love with you."

Emotion flashed across Cat's face quickly before finally settling. It was pure adoration and love that was swirling in her eyes as she looked back at me and let what I'd said sink in. After a few seconds of silently staring at one another, her wet hands grabbed my cheeks and pulled me to her mouth. That kiss wasn't as gentle but filled with love and passion and everything else we were feeling. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and bit gently, causing her to gasp and then moan against me. My hands slid to her scantily clad bottom and kneaded the flesh, pulling her closer to me and forcing our nearly naked torsos to rub together and us both to moan in pleasure.

"Hey, I said no getting freaky dammit!" Of course Q had to ruin the moment.

Cat pulled away from my mouth with a 'pop' and rolled her eyes while I just groaned in frustration.

"C'mon, you two, J and I are hungry. Besides, y'all are gonna end up prunes if you're in there much longer." With that she slid the door closed again and we could hear her complaining to Jordan about not having had 'sexy times' in far too long if seeing her friends making out made her hot.

The smaller girl on my lap giggled and leaned in to press her lips to mine once more before climbing off of me and making her way to the steps and into the cold. Cat quickly wrapped herself in her towel and held mine up, urging me out of the warm cocoon. Once we were both wrapped up and had thrown the cover back on, we made a mad dash inside and sat our shivering asses next to the crackling fireplace.

Hazel eyes flickered over to us. "Y'all plan to help anytime soon or just bask in next to nothing?"

Cat giggled but stood and made her way to the bedroom to change into dry clothes. I got up, too, but didn't bother changing. Wrapping the towel around my waist, I walked to the sink to rinse off some lettuce for our sandwiches. After a few seconds I could feel eyes on my side and looked up, surprised to see Quinn not-so-subtly checking me out.

"Hey, Q?" I said.

She just hummed distractedly, not looking away from my cleavage. It caused me to blush profusely. Sure I'm a hot bitch and I knew my nipples were hard and showing through my top but her intense gaze was kind of unnerving.

I turned towards her fully, "Eyes are up here, hun."

"Wha- oh, ha…" she flushed, embarrassed, and rubbed the back of her neck looking away at the floor.

I had to laugh at her; she was just too freaking cute sometimes. It always made me wonder how in the world she stayed single for so long. She'd never seen a girl more than once since I'd met her. I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her shoulders, pressing my wet bathing suit top into her white tank top and making it see-thru.

"There, now we are even," I said once I pulled back and looked pointedly at the lime green and black bra now showing through her shirt. "You're a dork. For real, I think you're hornier than me; sometimes I swear you have the libido of a guy."

She shrugged and went back to slicing tomatoes. "Can you blame me? I have to watch you and Cat get all up on each other and I haven't gotten any in far too long. And as much as I love J over here, God knows I won't go there." Quinn turned to the darker girl next to her, "No offense, I got with a straight girl once, never ever again."

"None taken, Q. I love you, too, but I'd have to be good and black-out drunk to go there with you," Jordan replied finally laying out everything for our sandwiches just as Cat came back from the bedroom.

"Mmm," Cat hummed, wrapping her arms around my bare waist and leaning her chin against my shoulder. "Sexy bra, Q. You shoulda joined us in the hot tub, we wouldn't have minded the company." Cat threw her a wink before assembling her lunch and grabbing a water bottle from the fridge. The blonde's cheeks tinted a dark pink again as she ducked her head to avoid my smirk.

Christmas was a few days later. We didn't get a tree, sadly. Quinn said they usually would take one of the ATVs and go cut down a tree on her aunt's property but since we were all pretty small (even if Quinn was built like a lean, muscular guy), there was physically no way we could get one and just dealt with no tree for the year. We were all going nontraditional already with not being with family so it wasn't a huge loss.

I woke up Christmas morning to the smell of bacon sizzling from the kitchen and an empty bed once I rolled over towards Cat's side. Stretching and hearing the satisfying cracking of my back when I touched my toes, I slipped on a hoodie and socks before making my way into the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was all of the decorations. Quinn had gotten up really early that morning and had decked out the house. There were fresh pine branches with red strands of beads lining the counter tops, hearth, and dinning room table. Fake green pine decorations with white lights were wrapped around the banisters on the stairs and loft and Christmas music was lightly wafting from the stereo placed upstairs. When I reached the kitchen, the blonde had her back to me swaying to the music and singing softly while she flipped bacon and fried up some hash browns in the second pan. I quietly tip toed to the bar stools at the counter and sat down, so as not to disturb my friend. I had never heard her sing before and not be acting silly. Her voice was soft like how she spoke, kind of breathy, but had a raspy undertone to it. She sang beautifully, a talent I never expected from the intellectual athlete.

As the CD switched to 'Welcome Christmas,' I joined in softly with Quinn's voice. She startled hearing me and turned around with a spatula in hand and stopping her voice. I continued with the song, a little louder this time, and shot her a smile. She beamed back and motioned me to the griddle set up with pancake batter beside it that I'd completely missed at first glance. Together we sang and cooked breakfast until all of the bacon and pancakes had been made. Switching off the gas stove and setting all of the food in the oven to keep warm, Quinn poured me a cup of coffee (black, two sugars) just the way I liked it and sipped at her own.

She looked out at the deck, causing me to notice that it was snowing softly again, making the song that played overhead very fitting. It certainly was a white Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, Jade," Quinn whispered to me, hugging her mug to her chest and holding it with two hands.

I hummed into my mug nodding slightly and leaning against the counter next to her. "That it is, Q. Merry Christmas." After several seconds of silence with just the holiday music playing I spoke again. "Where are the girls?"

"Cat said she needed to go into town for something- I think she's planning to make dinner- and dragged Jordan with her since she can't drive in snow, apparently." The blonde laughed softly.

I smiled at the thought of Cat trying to drive Jordan's big car in this weather. "No, she really can't. Last time I rode with her driving was in high school but she was scary enough behind the wheel in sunny LA, I can imagine it'd be tragic if she tried here."

"Can't really say that surprises me," Quinn laughed again, "They should be back in a few minutes, though, then we will eat!"

"So why did you keep you're singing abilities a secret for so damn long?"

Hazel eyes met mine for the first time in several minutes. It seemed like she was searching for something, like she was trying to gauge if she was able to tell me. I couldn't figure it out, it was just singing. Why the intensity? With a sigh, she broke her eyes away from me and went back to looking outside before speaking.

"I don't sing anymore." Her voice was distance and quiet; it made me glad that the music wasn't very loud or I might have missed her say anything at all.

I studied her expression but couldn't get a read on her emotions. Quinn was good at hiding everything she was feeling when something was hard to grasp. She was so much like me in that sense, never one to handle harder feelings so she just detached from them. It was what likely made her a great head cheerleader in such a repressive town like Lima, Ohio.

"You don't have to tell me… But I'm curious why someone with such a great voice like yours stopped gracing the world with hearing it. Especially with how much your eyes light up when you sing."

She was quiet for a few moments. "On top of everything I did in high school, I used to be in a Glee club. Kinda like what you and Cat did but it was just an afterschool thing where we sang and danced and competed against other schools in the area. We were pretty good. Even went to nationals twice and won it my senior year. When I graduated, I went off to Yale for school." At that, I raised an eyebrow. I hadn't known Quinn didn't start at Berkeley. She continued after catching my look and nodding sadly, "Yeah, I got early acceptance and a scholarship and everything. And not for athletics. I might act like a dumbass sometimes but I finished high school valedictorian and am at a 3.8 cumulative between here and Yale. Been straight A's since I got here, Yale was kind of hard. But anyway, so I went off to school and had a plan to keep in touch with once of my fellow Glee members. She was our star. Voice like an angel that was so strong and beautiful for someone who was the size of Cat, maybe even smaller. She got accepted to NYADA so we were going to make a point to stay in touch and visit each other often. She was kind of my Achilles heel, if ya get what I mean."

I nodded to her, Cat had always been my pitfall in high school, too. "So this girl, she's why you don't sing anymore?"

Blonde hair shook back and forth. "Not exactly. I was a bitch to her in school until our last year when we finally became friends. I pushed her away and treated her like crap 'cause I couldn't like her the way that I did. I was manipulative, called her horrible names, basically I ordered her life to be hell. But she never broke and kept trying to reach out and be friends with me. Finally, my senior year, I pulled my head out of my ass and took her up on that offer. I figured, if I couldn't have her how I wanted, then I'd take her anyway I could. She was engaged to another guy in our club, one of my ex-boyfriends actually. I always told her to wait until after college to tie the knot because she was one of the few people in our God forsaken town that could really amount to anything and go anywhere. He was just going to hold her back 'cause while he was a pretty good singer, he wasn't smart or driven to be anything more than to work in his stepdad's auto shop. Thankfully, they post poned the wedding and Finn let her go to New York on her own, saying they both needed to grow on their own before they could grow together and if it was meant to work out, they'd find each other again. It killed her, especially when he said he was enlisting in the Army to follow in his late father's footsteps, but she went. Those first few months, I saw Rachel two out of seven days a week, every week. She was depressed and heart broken but trying to make it work in the big city and live her dream. It was so damn hard for me to sit and be that comforting friend and listen to her pour out how much she loved him. My heart hurt for her pain and my chest ached every time she hugged me or fell asleep in my arms. But at the same time, it was the best moments of my life. I mean how fucked up is that? I took selfish pleasure in getting to hold Rachel and feel her body against mine while tears leaked out of her eyes. Well, long story short: after about 5 months, we had gotten closer than we'd ever been, to the point where we both kept extra clothes at the other's apartment for our weekly visits. After a night out in New York, we came stumbling back from a karaoke bar laughing and leaning into each other. Once we finally got her apartment door open, we crashed through her small apartment and landed on her bed in a pile of limbs. When our laughter died down some we just looked at each other. We were laying on our sides facing each other and I reached out to tuck some hair that had fallen in her face behind her ear. It was a normal action, Rachel was naturally affectionate and we were really close friends, but that time it seemed a lot more intimate than any other. And then I made the biggest mistake of our lives. I let my hand linger on her cheek as I slowly leaned in to kiss her. It was by far the best kiss I had ever, and have since, had. Perfect in everyway. She didn't pull away, she actually kissed me back surprisingly. When I did pull away and looked into her eyes, I could tell she was confused and surprised but not hurt or angry. After she stayed silent for far longer than was comfortable, I apologized profusely for over stepping boundaries and made to get up. She grabbed my wrist as I turned to leave and pulled me back down, crashing our lips together. That night was the first time I ever had sex with another girl."

I took Quinn's pause to recollect her thoughts to voice my surprise. "Wow… That all sounds so, overwhelming."

The blonde nodded again before finishing her story. "Yeah, well I made the mistake of whispering 'I love you' as I came that night. She freaked out the next morning and our friendship basically died off after that. That night was the last time I saw her and the last time I sang in front of someone, well until today I guess. She's also why I can't seem to keep a relationship to save my life." She smiled sadly and finished her nearly cold coffee.

When she put down her mug, I wrapped my arms around her neck in a warm hug and pulled her against me. I felt arms slip around my torso and hands fist the material of my hoodie tightly. Within a few moments, Quinn's body shook with silent sobs and tears trailed down my neck as she cried into my shoulder. That was the first time Quinn had talked about what happened with Rachel since that day and I was honored to have been told the story. After a few minutes her cries died down and she pulled back to wipe her eyes. I took my hoodie sleeves and wiped the excess tears from her cheeks and then caressed her skin with my thumbs.

"You are so strong, Quinn. Strongest person I know after Cat, but that girl is secretly not human so you still hold that spot. And I know how it is not being able to be with the one you really want, you and I are crazy similar in that so many ways. But don't let what happened a few years ago stop you from doing something you so obviously love. And don't even try to claim you don't love to sing, you're not that good of an actor, Q." I smiled at her and pulled my taller friend into a tight hug again as she chuckled softly.

Just then the door burst open and in walked Cat- singing loudly to the song playing on her iPod and completely missing that we were standing right there. She had her eyes closed as she sang passionately.

_Sunrise, Sunrise_

_Couldn't tempt us if it tried_

'_Cause the afternoon's already_

_Come and gone_

_And I said_

_Hoo, Hoo_

_Hoo, Hoo_

_To you_

_Sunri-_

At the sound of the door, Quinn and I had separated. I smiled at hearing Cat's strong voice and was content just listening to her but I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me and Q mumble something.

"Holy shit."

**AN: Song is called "Sunrise" by Norah Jones. (Awesome song, btw).**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: So I am currently on the plane going to Cali for a week for a graduation and then am going to Italy for 3 weeks after that so I am pushing this one out before I leave and will work on the next one while over seas but I won't have access to post anything until the first of July so bare with me please! Hope you all are enjoying this thus far, let me know any thoughts you have! Thx & see you in a month!**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 14 Cat POV

God I loved Norah Jones' voice, so soulful and rich. She was like the American Adele (another artist I was in love with). I had woken up early Christmas morning to Quinn decorating the house with some Christmas stuff and pine branches while humming under her breath to the music she had on. Jade was still fast asleep so I was careful to crawl out of bed and threw on a hoodie and shorts quietly.

"Hey, Q," I said softly, just over the music, "Merry Christmas, babes."

The blonde whirled around startled but smiled at me. She plugged in the lights wrapped around the banister and then gave me a warm hug whispering 'Merry Christmas' into my hair.

When she let me go I looked around at her handy work. The place really looked festive, I was impressed. "Where's Jordan?"

"Upstairs showering I think."

"Awesome, thanks."

I ran upstairs and poked my head in the bathroom; thankfully the shower door was frosted 'cause I didn't really think all of that action through when I walked in on Jordan in the shower.

"Hey, J?"

She yelped in surprise. "God, Cat! Don't sneak up on a girl like that, Jesus!"

I giggled. "Sorry. Hey, I'm going to hop in the shower, too and then would you mind coming with me to the store? I'll explain in the car but I want to go early and beat the crazy holiday foot traffic."

"Yeah, sure thing, just get outta my bathroom while I'm naked!" Jordan joked, throwing a wet loofa at me.

Laughing, I turned and shut the door behind me before traipsing back down the stairs to grab a quick shower myself. A shower and ten minutes of blow-drying my hair later and I was tugging Jordan out the door, barely saying good-bye to Q who was starting to pull out stuff for breakfast.

Jordan and I made a quick run through the grocery store. We had decided to make the girls dinner that night since it seemed they were going to be supplying breakfast, and make that our Christmas gift to them. Of course, with Jade's birthday not long after that, I already had a gift for her but she wasn't getting that until her actual birthday.

After we gathered everything we needed, J and I drove back to the house and started unloading. I popped my ear buds in and sang along to my iPod that we'd been listening to in the car, and started to bring bags into the house.

_Sunrise, Sunrise_

_Couldn't tempt us if it tried_

'_Cause the afternoon's already_

_Come and gone_

_And I said_

_Hoo, Hoo_

_Hoo, Hoo_

_To you_

_Sunrise.._

"Jesus!" I squeaked when I realized I had an audience.

Jade was looking at me with adoration written all over her face and a loving smile playing at her mouth while Quinn looked kind of like she'd just seen a ghost mixed with confused awe. I stopped dead in the hallway, pulled out my headphones and just looked at them, catching the last syllable of what Quinn had muttered. When Jade smiled at me and then turned to Q, I continued into the kitchen to put things in the fridge and cabinets. Looking over my shoulder, I could see both Jade and Quinn watching something on the blonde's smartphone and there was a voice filtering from the speakers. I couldn't make out the song it was singing over the Christmas music but it seemed like whoever it was, was really good at it 'cause I had only seen Jade look that in awe once or twice when someone sung other than when it was me (not to be conceited or anything, just telling the truth).

"Whatcha guys watchin'?" I asked once I had unloaded my bags and Jordan had kicked the door closed with the rest of them.

"Oh, um, n-nothing. Just a vid I wanted to show Jade awhile ago." Q was the first to reply, a little too quickly, but considering how nervous she seemed I let it go. "Right, well, breakfast is ready!"

"Thank God, I could eat for days at this point," Jordan exclaimed as she quickly got four plates down and wasted no time in pulling food from the oven to stack on her plate.

We all laughed and followed suit, the weirdness from the two taller girls was long forgotten.

"'Kay, so everyone got how these work?" Quinn looked from each of us with her signature one eyebrow raised, though the intensity was kind of lost considering she was so bundled up in a beanie, scarf and puffy jacket that it was just cute.

"Sure thing, babes," Jade replied. She turned around as best as she could to address me. "You ready for this, baby girl?"

I beamed and nodded, grabbing onto her waist as tight as I could. "You know it!"

Quinn smiled at us and then swung her leg around the machine and settled in front of Jordan. She turned the key and reved the engine; Jade followed her lead and the beast roared to life under us. "Let's go!" the blonde yelled over the noise.

Riding an ATV is an interesting experience and not one I can really compare to any other machine. I've been on a motorcycle (Beck's in high school), a boat several times, jet ski a few times, and obviously a car. But an ATV is just… It's crazy powerful and can easily go as fast as a motorcycle but it's more stable, being on four wheels, and can handle off-roading a hella lot better than a dirt bike (so I figured out several months later when we went back to Tahoe in the summer). The way it vibrates under you and the arm strength it requires to drive one, it really is a unique ride.

Q and J went led the way while Jade and I followed. The soft new snow made for great drifting around turns. We took the main road away from the house but then took a left instead of a right and drove away from town. I was really happy Quinn had required us to wear eye protection, 'cause it was fucking cold just standing outside, let alone going 30 mph on an unprotected vehicle. After about fifteen minutes of riding on that road, the larger ATV in front of us slowed slightly and then turned off of the marked path and into what looked like just a wooded field. Jade looked back at me questioning and I just shrugged, motioning to just follow them and trust Q knew where she was going. We rode over hills and swerved between large boulders and pine trees for another ten minutes before it cleared out again.

When we finally came to a stop, it was at the edge of a canyon. It was breath taking by all definitions of the phrase. We were several miles closer to the lake at this point and the area we came to was far away from any houses, the only ones we could see were far in the distance on other sides of mountains. Quinn cut her engine, as did we, and we all climbed off the machines. We stood there and just breathed in the serenity of it all for a few minutes.

"Wow, Q. This is amazing. How'd you find this place?" Jade finally asked the question on everyone's mind.

"I met Else and David when they bought this land close to a decade ago; I needed eggs for brownies I was making with Aunt Anna and saw their moving vans and stuff so I got on my bike and went to their place. The house is several acres to the south east of us but this is the edge of their property line and they always said they didn't mind if I rode on their land. I went with them when they rode their property line to scope out everything and so now every time I am up here and want a nice quiet place away from family, I come here. No one but Else and David know it… Well and you guys now, too."

"That is too cool, I'd love a thinking place like this," I quipped after a while. "Else and David must be pretty cool people, huh?"

"Yeah," she laughed. "I'd say so anyway. They're middle aged and from England so they have accents. After their kids went to college they bought land here and moved. They are super cool, though. They have four horses: Daisy, Sandlot, Oxford, and Maximillian. Maybe if we come up again later this summer we can go riding. They went to spend the holiday with their two daughters so they aren't here at the moment."

We sat on a large rock over looking the valley and lake for several more minutes before my ass got cold so we loaded up and headed back, Jordan and I got to drive that time. By the time we got home, it was about sunset so J and I made dinner (ham, cheesy potatoes, and a tossed salad).

"It's official, it needs to be Christmas every day so I can eat like this constantly," Quinn mused, rubbing her food baby and relaxing into the couch.

"Right? Though, I can't afford to eat like this and not expect to gain ten pounds, unlike some people in the room," Jade pointedly looked at me and Q before flopping on the couch next to the blonde.

"Preach!" Jordan yelled from upstairs.

"Y'all are ridiculous, both of you. And what are you doing up there J?" I asked.

"You'll see!"

A few minutes later, she returned with her arms full. She had her Wii game system, two guitars (one a bass), a black bag and a microphone. When we realized what was to happen, we all whooped and cheered.

"Dude, J, I love you!" Quinn shouted, "I call the guitar!"

"Thought you might like a little fun tonight, I'll take the drums first."

Jade gave me the choice between bass and singing; I chose to sing first and then told her we'd switch next song. Jordan had a lot of songs on her Rock Band but I found a good one to start us off with that would be a good warm up.

"Let's start easy, eh?" When I'd selected the song, all three girls looked at me and just stared incredulously. "What?"

"This isn't easy, Cat," Q said.

"Whatev, just play, kids." With that, the first few bars played out of 'Calling on Angels' by Train.

"_You rock!"_ the game system rang out after the last note died off.

It was silent other than the background music coming from the TV for a while. I looked back at the faces of my friends and just raised an eyebrow silently asking what the hell they were staring at.

"Um, well okay then. That was… Freaking awesome!" Jordan exclaimed with a huge smile from behind her drums. "I can't believe that was a warm up for you, Cat, jeez why are you not trying to cut records at this point?"

I blushed, finally understanding the silence. Other than when I was caught unaware earlier that morning singing in front of the two taller girls, I hadn't sung in months, let alone in front of anyone. I laughed nervously and rubbed my arm, looking at the carpet. "Singing is my second love only to dancing. Anything musically inclined I love. Jade and I used to sing together all of the time in high school. I just figured I'm better at dancing so I can probably go farther with dance than I can with singing as a career. And I am no where near good enough to be putting out songs so don't even go there, J."

After a beat all three broke out into giggles. "You're crazy, Cat. I've only met one person who can sing better than you and that's only by a fraction, and you both have crazy different styles so you could easily be on her level. And she's on Broadway performing, she's my age. So don't give me that 'I'm not good enough' shit. You'd kill it in concert singing and dancing. Like a new Christina Aguilera or some shit!" Quinn laughed again and gave me a hug, shaking her head slightly.

"You already know I love you're voice, babe. It's as amazing as always," Jade commented. "So I think it's Q's turn on the mic!" My girlfriend grabbed the guitar the blonde had set down and tossed it to me, forcing Quinn to take on the singing.

Quinn glared at Jade slightly with narrowed eyes but turned to the game and started flicking through song selections. Jordan and I shared a confused look but cheered Quinn on anyway. After a minute or two, the curser highlighted the next song. We played 'Everything' by Michael Buble while Quinn sang in a higher octave than the original song but she performed it beautifully. Her voice was so different than any I'd heard before; it was kind of soft and breathy but smooth like a smoky jazz singer's. Once finished, she was quick to hand off the mic to Jade and take her bass.

I was stunned, I'd never heard the girl sing before other than to top 40's stuff on the radio and even then it was too quiet to hear over the stereo. "Damn, Q! And you say I should be singing on stage, what about you?"

"She's right, Q. That was legit, I never realized I made friends with three amazing artists!" Jordan agreed, nodding along with me.

Jade walked up to Q and threw an arm around her waist, "Mhmm, my girl's got game. I heard her this morning when she thought no one was around. We got us a quadruple threat over here: looks, athletics, intelligence and the girl can sing." She looked so proud of Quinn it made me smile at the pair. Quinn just blushed and insisted that we kept playing.

"Tha''as so mah fuh tohight." Several hours later we were all getting ready for bed and Jade was brushing her teeth while I was removing the little bit of eye makeup I'd put on that morning.

"It was, though you look like a rabid dog at the moment, so spit and rinse so I can understand you better," I responded with a chuckle.

Jade smiled cheekily at me through the mirror and did as I requested before taking out her contacts and replacing them with her glasses. Her eyesight wasn't too bad but enough to need glasses or contacts to see comfortably. She hated having to wear them but I always thought they looked super sexy on her. There is just something about a "smart-sultry" look that gets to me, ya know?

I stepped behind her and slid my arms around her waist, kissing her bare shoulder. She was only wearing boy shorts and a cami so there was plenty of skin on display for me. I peppered a few more kissed along her shoulder and neck before I got to her ear and bit teasingly on the lobe, drawing a strangled moan from the girl in my arms.

"Cat…" Jade trailed off, catching my eye in the mirror. Her pupils were blown and her face was starting to flush. Other than many, many heated make out sessions, we hadn't done much more than that since we became official the fourish months before then. I knew she was horny and I was so sure I wasn't helping by teasing her constantly, but I planned to help her out that night.

As crazy hot it would have been to take her right there, watching in the mirror as she fell apart in my hands, I wanted the first time to be special and a bathroom was not special. So I turned her gently, pulled off her glasses to set on the counter top, grabbed her hand, and led her back to the bedroom. As soon as the door was closed, I pushed her up against it and kissed her fiercely. Jade was shocked but it didn't take long for her to respond in kind and kiss back just as heatedly. Her hands laced through my hair and pulled me closer to her, scratching my scalp slightly and causing me to moan into her mouth. I felt her smile against me, but I was in charge so that wasn't going to happen. I slipped my hands under her shirt and scratched up her sides, leaving red marks in my wake. Jade was a bit of a masochist so a little pain went a long way for her, which was evident from the way she gasped and her hips bucked into me. Pressing a thigh between her legs, I held her hips still with my own- loving the pressure against my throbbing clit (and I'm sure hers, too). With my right hand, I cupped her left breast and teasingly rolled the hard nipple I found there, while my left hand held onto her hip and pressed into the spot above her hip bone that drove Jade wild. I sucked on her tongue gently and bit her bottom lip before breaking the kiss and trailing hot kisses along her jaw and neck. She grasped tightly to my shoulders, likely trying to keep herself standing up, and panted my name in between moans and gasps. Hearing Jade like that made arousal pool between my legs and I gave into the urge to grind my hips into hers. I could feel how hot and wet she was; I was wearing only some cheeky underwear and a sports bra so the wetness that was soaking her underwear was very apparent on my own thigh. So fucking hot, just saying. I switched breasts before Jade finally tried to voice what she needed.

"C-cat… I can't- bed, please." She barely choked it out but I understood because I could feel her legs quivering so I relented my sweet torture and walked backwards towards the bed before crawling up to the wall and lying there. It took Jade a few seconds to catch her breath enough to open her eyes and see where I had gone. God, she looked so beautiful. Her dark hair was down but slightly messy from the intense embrace we'd just been in, her cami was all askew and barely covering her full and heaving chest, her legs were still parted from where mine had been, and her face and neck were flushed.

After a few moments of recovery she met my gaze and instantly she could see where I wanted this to go. She walked slowly the few steps to the bed and crawled up it before coming to a stop, hovering over me. Her stormy green eyes searched my face for any hesitation, coming to rest on my mouth.

"Are you sure?"

I bit my lip and looked up into her honest eyes, full of love and concern and obvious arousal. "I want to give you the best Christmas gift I can manage right now, which is showing you how much I love you," I whispered.

Jade nodded and lowered her body to rest on mine before kissing me lightly. It didn't stay innocent for long. She leaned on her left arm, freeing her right hand to trace up my stomach and over my bra. My nipples were painfully erect and very visible through the thin fabric. Her thumb brushed over my left nipple, rubbing softly and not producing nearly enough friction. My hands, where they'd come to land on the amazing swell of Jade's ass, squeezed in frustration- trying to get her to press harder and not tease so damn much. Jade broke the kiss with a laugh at my impatience and I faux pouted up at her. She just smiled and pulled me up to a seated position, pulling my sports bra up and over my head before gently lowering me to the bed again. For several seconds, emerald eyes just looked at me. It was kind of unnerving. I was never really self conscious but this was the girl I was in love with, I wanted to be perfect for her and I was only all too aware of the faint white and pink scars marring my skin.

"You are so beautiful, Catarina Valentine. Absolutely stunning," Jade whispered. She was still sitting, straddling one of my legs, as her fingertips lightly ran from my collarbone down to the elastic of my underwear. I shivered from the light touches and fought the blush that still managed to work its way up my chest and face. Jade retracted her hands from my body and reached to pull her shirt over her head, too. She then leaned down and kissed me again.

The feel of her breasts and stiff nipples on mine was too much. With an intense moan from both of us at the contact, I snapped and flipped our positions. I kissed her hard and passionately, coming back to play with her breasts again without the constricting material over them. Breaking the kiss, I let my tongue draw a wet path from just below her ear, over her collarbone, and into the valley of her breasts. I pulled back and blew cool air over the trail I'd left. I watched as goose bumps rose on her skin and Jade's fingers held tighter to my hips. Not wasting any time, I took one nipple in my mouth and sucked gently before running my tongue over the hard nub a few times. I bit gently and felt the vibrations of Jade's low growl in her chest. I trailed kissed to the other breast and gave it the same treatment. When I was done, I placed open-mouthed kissed down her flat stomach and let my hands scratch down her sides again. Jade's hips continued to roll forward as I teased her torso so I held her down with my hands. When my mouth got to her boy shorts, I stopped and looked up at the beautiful girl twitching with need below me. Jade's eyes fluttered open when I stopped paying her body any attention and she looked down at me. Reading my unspoken question, she nodded vigorously whispering 'please' so I slipped my fingers under the waistband and slipped the last article of clothing down her toned legs. After I'd tossed her underwear on the ground, I took a moment to really look at Jade. She was perfect and so beautiful. It was almost impossible for me to wrap my head around the idea that not two years earlier I would only ever be able to fantasize about seeing Jade this exposed. I had many wet dreams about touching her and kissing her soft skin in places only Beck had had the honor of seeing. And there I was, about to make love to Jade West- my dream girl.

"B-babe, please… I need you, so badly," Jade rasped out, bringing me back from my thoughts.

I smiled down at her lovingly and then kissed her with as much love and passion as I could muster, trying to convey how much I cared for her through that one kiss. After a few seconds, Jade's fingers played with my cheekys and while I was hesitant to expose that part of myself since the miscarriage, I pulled away from her and removed them for her. When I moved back up and pressed my body against hers, we both gasped at the sensation of so much skin rubbing against each other and in such sensitive areas. I easily felt how ready Jade was when my leg came to rest in between hers again, causing me to moan with how slick she was. I kissed her harder, letting our tongues dual, as my right hand slowly traced its way to Jade's inner thigh. I lifted my hips to make room and let my middle and ring fingers lightly trace her outer lips, already feeling the warm slickness coating her center. Jade gasped and her hips pushed up to meet my hand, causing the heel of my hand to hit her swollen clit and eliciting a breathy 'Oh my God' from the girl below me. Figuring I had teased her enough, I moved my mouth to her ear- tracing the shell of it with my tongue before nibbling and sucking on the lobe gently. As I pushed my two fingers into her, I whispered in her ear: "I love you, so much." Jade's breath hitched as I filled her so all she could do was nod slightly as she struggled for breath. I pumped my fingers in and out of her, slowly building tempo as I went and putting my hips behind each thrust to add to the friction. It didn't take long for me to feel her walls start to spasm around my fingers and the nail imprints Jade was leaving in my back and shoulders told me she was getting close. So I lifted my hips again and let my thumb come into the mix. With every thrust, my thumb brushed over the sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of her center. A few thrusts later, Jade's body stiffened beneath me and her arms pulled me tightly against her chest as her back arched and then she quickly crunched forward. No words escaped her mouth that bit down on my shoulder as she came around my fingers, it even sounded like she stopped breathing for several seconds. After a few moments, she relaxed and drew in a deep breath, panting out 'I love you, too.' When she had stilled and the last of the after shocks had passed through her body, I pulled my fingers out of her. Jade gasped at the empty feeling and twitched when I accidentally hit her overly sensitive clit. I leaned up on my elbow again and brought my hand to my mouth, licking off the evidence of Jade's orgasm with a satisfied hum at the taste of my lover. When I looked up, I noticed hungry green eyes watching me with rapt attention. I smiled and cupped her face with my now clean hand, kissing her sweetly. Her tongue swiped along my mouth and Jade moaned quietly when she tasted herself. When I pulled back again, I smiled and brushed some hair out of her face.

"You are perfect," I murmured softly, so as not to ruin the atmosphere.

Jade shook her head but smiled all the same and grabbed my free hand to kiss the backs of my fingers and then placed a kiss in my palm. "As are you, my love. And we are perfect together."

I intertwined our fingers and leaned down to rest my head on her chest. Jade's heart was still beating fast and hard but her breathing was almost normal again. She was slightly damp from sweating, but so was I. I breathed in deeply, taking in the mixed aroma of sweat, trace scents of her perfume, and both of our unique arousals. "Can we stay like this all night?" I asked into the semi darkness; the only light was coming from the moonlight shinning in from the windows.

I felt a kiss being pressed to my forehead and Jade's free arm wrap protectively around my bare back. "Absolutely."

"Merry Christmas, Jade."

"Merry Christmas, baby girl."

**AN: I leave in the morning for Italy but I plan to write when gone, just will have to type it up once home again. Be ready and excited for Jade's birthday and New years next chpt! Thx again xox B**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: So I know this has taken, God, nearly 2 months and it's short. I apologize greatly for that delay. I did write the first half of this in Italy, but then I got stuck and now just pushed it out. It's not my best but I think I owe you guys a new chapter. Please let me know how it is and any suggestions you have. I know where I want this to end but I'm not sure how to get them there so I need some ideas! Thank you all for your patience and for those who are my loyal followers, I am so sorry for taking so long. I love you all and have not forgotten, I promise, I left this off with good ideas for the next chapter. Enough from me, enjoy.**

**Xox**

**B**

Chpt 15 Jade POV

Man, talk about the best Christmas ever! I was so enthralled with how fucking amazing Cat had been in bed and how loved I felt that I didn't even think to return the favor that night. Granted we were both pretty tired from the long day and strenuous activity but I still felt horrible. Of course the other two girls gave us shit the next two days; they'd "heard just how good Cat was" from me evidently. Personally, I thought I was really quiet. Whatever, they hadn't heard me loud yet. So anyway, Christmas came and went but the 27th was my 20th birthday. I had no plans and hadn't told anyone. Birthdays were hard for me; it was just another reminder of what I still got to experience but Mikey never did anymore.

"Hey, Jade, come on a mini hike with me," Quinn said as we all finished a late breakfast of eggs and cereal that morning.

"Do I have to?" I whined.

"Hells yeah you do, Lazy Ass. We haven't done shit since we got here and I gotta stay in shape for lacrosse so c'mon!" The blonde pulled me up by my arm and pushed me towards my room to get shoes and warmer clothes. I sighed but nodded, I really did need a good workout and some cool, mountain air couldn't hurt. Plus I needed to bounce some things off of my bestie.

We waved goodbye to the shorter girls and then took off to the south of the house, deciding on a big loop around the property. Quinn and I walked silently for a while, maneuvering around boulders and trees and being careful to not slip on slick rocks or frozen dirt while climbing down the slope. Once at the bottom, my blonde friend stopped suddenly and held out an arm to stop my movement, too.

"What?" I said, annoyed she killed my momentum. "Shh!" she put her finger to her lips, "Look." Q pointed to the right of us farther down the hill. There, surrounded almost perfectly by snow-covered rocks, were a doe and fawn. The doe heard us and had her head up, large ears flicking back and forth to survey the area in an attempt to hear danger. The tiny fawn was clueless but so damn cute with its white spots. I slowly reached into my pocket and pulled out my iPhone. As quietly as I could, I snapped a picture to show Cat and Jordan later. The phone made a loud shutter sound, which sent the doe and her baby bounding up the ravine back towards where we just came from. Quinn frowned at me but her eyes lit up when I showed her the picture I got- it was perfect.

"You're sending me that," she said as we continued to climb now up the opposite side of the small cavern.

"Course, hun, thanks for pointing them out, though."

We had hiked for another few minutes. Once we crested the top and had caught our breath some, Quinn linked her arm through mine and broke our relative silence.

"So, you and Cat finally had sexy times. I told you not to worry; that it had to happen in its time," she stated this like it was a fact or something.

"Yes, Q. You were right for once," I shoved her playfully. "Though I didn't get to return the favor."

Hazel eyes looked at me curiously. "I know you're new to this but you gotta give her a turn, too. You can't be one of those selfish bitches: all take and no give."

I shook my head at her. "No, I know. And I would have but she asked if we could just cuddle all night after she finished with me. We fell asleep not five minutes later. Is that normal?"

"Falling asleep after? Of course that's normal!" Q quipped.

"No, ass. Her not being worked up and wanting me to return the favor," I said seriously.

Quinn's face turned solemn and thoughtful as we reached the main road. She was quietly contemplating my question for a while. What she said next I never expected.

She asked, in all seriousness, "Did she get naked with you?"

Normally I would have smacked her for asking details like that but I could see it in her eyes that she had a real point behind her line of questioning.

"Not initially. She had no problem with me taking off her shirt and bra but when I asked her to take off her underwear she was hesitant and didn't look me in the eye after that… Why?"

The blonde head nodded along to my words in understanding before responding. "Mhmm," she hummed. "As I figured. You know, I am a pretty sexual person as you and Cat quickly figured out, always have been since I got pregnant. Damn hormones. But when I was a freshman at Yale, I was almost raped at a party one night. I don't like to talk about it or really even acknowledge that it happened but it did; he forced himself on me and fingered me so roughly I cried when using the bathroom for a week after. Asshole's in prison now for raping another woman on campus and I helped by testifying that he assaulted me, too. But afterwards it took me over 6 months before I let anyone see me naked again and even longer before they could touch me intimately. I think after everything Cat's been through recently, it's hard for her to let herself be exposed like that, especially since the last time her most private area was on display, she got pregnant and lost it. It hasn't been very long since all of that so give it some time before you try to touch her there. Make sure she's ready so she doesn't feel violated. Maybe start above the underwear with her, just rubbing off on your thigh if she needs release. Then use your hand above. You know? Just feel it out and go really slowly so she's always comfortable."

We were walking down the drive way now but I was stunned into silence trying to absorb everything I'd just been told. I hadn't thought about how vulnerable she must have felt without any clothes on. I made a vow right then to do better in sexual relations with Cat. I grabbed Q's arm to stop her and pulled her in a tight hug. She melted in my arms, clearly exhausted from the heavy topic.

"Thank you for the insight, Q," I whispered into her hair, "I am so sorry you went through that, though. You, honestly, are one of the strongest people I know. So strong." I gave her a squeeze then we pulled apart and continued our walk back to the house in comfortable silence, both thinking hard over the past conversation and what was shared. Her need for space after Cat's miscarriage made even more sense after knowing she'd been sexually assaulted nearly the same way as we watched Cat be. I could only imagine the turmoil she had felt practically having a flash back while watching Cat go up those stairs. God knows I saw it and was nearly sick to my stomach. I know she saw it, too. It explains her sour, stand-offish mood that lingered the rest of the party that night.

When Quinn pushed the mud-room door open, I was still lost in thoughts, wondering how I could be so stupid and blind to my own girlfriend's needs- blind to my best friend's past wounds, too. So deep in my mind that, at first, I didn't even notice anything different… Until I ran into the solid, muscular back in front of me.

"Ow," I groaned, rubbing my nose, "What the fuck, Q?"

She stayed silent which made me look up from my shoes that I had been staring at. A lot had changed in there during our hour hike. Green, blue, and black streamers were draped all over the cabin, silver and black balloons were taped to the railings and the chandelier. Junk food galore was strewn over the table and countertops. And my two tiny friends were beaming at us, me, just waiting to see my reaction. I was speechless. A banner was hung from the loft, facing the door, and was clearly done by my blonde. 'Happy Birthday, Jade' was inscribed in looping script with vine-like plants clinging to the letters. Everything was so beautiful; I had a hard time remembering to fucking breathe!

Quinn turned around finally and took in my wide eyes and slightly slacked jaw. Wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into a side hug, she murmured quietly, "I can't believe you were going to let us think today was like any other day. But I'm too smart for your bullshit, so happy birthday, gorgeous."

I laughed with tears starting to blur my vision. Cat and Jordan laughed with me, Quinn just smiled, and they all crushed me in a big birthday hug. Someone turned on the music and we got to celebrating the right way: with carb-loaded foods, sugary drinks, and so much laughter my cheeks were aching after a while from over using the muscles in my face.

"Okay, birthday girl, it's time to bring in the newest year of your life with something I think you'll like," Quinn said while rummaging around in the cupboards. Cat, Jordan, and I were all sitting at the bar in the kitchen after finishing the awesome burgers Q had grilled up (I know, what the fuck can that girl not do, right?).

I raised an eyebrow at my blonde friend skeptically, "I'm not going to die right? 'Cause I am far too sexy to die right now." Okay, I was a little tipsy at that point, don't judge me. We'd all had a few beers and Quinn and I were currently working on our first margaritas.

A blonde head popped up with a wicked smirk on her face and a few bottles in her hands. "Na, I won't kill ya. I'd miss looking at that fine ass too much," Quinn laughed while pulling out a mixer and pouring various liquids and ice into the metal tumbler. "Besides, I'm pretty sure C's not above homicide if I were to hurt you."

"You know that's right, bitch!" Cat said with a ghetto finger snap to accompany her slightly slurred speech.

Everyone laughed while Quinn shook up her concoction. Pulling four small glasses from next to the sink, she poured a reddish looking mixture into the four glasses, filling one a little more than the others. Quinn placed the glasses in front of all of us, the tallest in front of me, and kept one for herself. I looked at the drink cautiously.

"Should I be worried?"

Q smirked again, "It's a cinnamon bear. Spicy, yet sweet, just like you. And a firey kick at the end." I watched as the smirk melted into a sincere, sweet smile on my best friend's face. "It has been a long time since I have had a friend who really understands me. Only once before have I known someone who was similar enough to get why I do or say the things I do. My mom once told me that real friendships are hard to come by and that when, or if, I find one, to hold on to it with both hands and never let go. This year is only half over and I've only known you for a few months, but I _know _that this is one of those friendships she was talking about. I love you, Jadelyn August West- yes, I know your real name. You are an amazing woman and an even better best friend. To Jade, let this year be the best thus far in your short ass lifetime!" With that, Quinn raised her glass towards me with a smile, and then we all clinked our glasses together, tapped the counter, and took the shots.

After I'd swallowed what was, admittedly, a really good shot, I smiled at my blonde across the counter. "Ya know, that was a beautiful speech, Q… 'Til the smart ass remark there at the end! And how the fuck do you know my full name?"

"A little birdie told me," she answered cryptically, already busy mixing together another shot for all of us and a few drinks for the other girls.

I didn't even have to look to my right to know Cat was smiling. "Really, babe? God, that's embarrassing."

"Aw, Jadey! It's cute, besides we're all friends so it doesn't matter if they know your full name, everyone knows Q's real name is Lucy- it's only fair she knows yours," Cat reasoned with a small shrug, throwing back the upside-down pineapple shot Quinn had placed in front of us.

Everything got quiet, even Quinn stopped moving in the kitchen, and just stared at the tiny brunette beside me. "What?" Cat questioned.

"Dude, Cat, no one knew my real name! You weren't even supposed to know!" After a beat, "Wait, how do you know?"

"Oops, sorry, Q. I thought everyone knew already. I saw it on your Driver's License when I went to get your credit card one time to pay for Chinese food a few weeks ago."

"Well, I personally think Quinn suits you much better, Q. Lucy is far too virginal for you," Jordan quipped with a small smirk of her own.

Quinn smiled bashfully while mock pouting at the joke. "Whatever, J. You just wish you knew what other talents I have." She shot the darker girl a wink, which J blushed at. "Let's go hot tubbing!"

"So, Lucy Q, how's the love life coming along now a days?" I asked while sipping on a fresh margarita.

The blonde was currently retying the top of her sky blue bikini since it got caught on her necklace. The position perfectly outlined the toned muscle in Quinn's arms and shoulders and her washer board of a stomach was visible just above the bubbling water. I have no problem admitting the girl is gorgeous; probably on par with Cat, honestly. Quinn scowled at the nickname but then blushed at the question.

Letting her arms sink back under water, Quinn watched her hand skim over the surface for a few moments before answering. "It's not really. I don't know. I mean, sure I've had a number of girls give me their number or try to get my attention, and I've taken a few on dates, but nothing really sticks. There's no real spark or anything substantial besides their looks. I'm sick of just emotionless sex; I want something that actually means something, y'know? Not just another warm body. Is it really that hard to find someone to love me?"

I hadn't been expecting that deep of an answer when I'd asked the question. I pulled my arm out from behind Cat where she'd snuggled up next to me, and sat up more, placing my drink on the side table. "You're still young, Q. I mean, few people find their sole mate or whatever in college. I get what you mean, but don't sound so hopeless. Shit, any girl would be so lucky to be with you. God knows Cat and I are attracted to you, and not just for your dashing good looks. And we all love you."

Quinn blushed at the last part but stayed quiet. "If I was into girls, I'd definitely be up on you, Q," Jordan said with a small smile and a bump to the pale shoulder next to her.

"It's true. If I thought Jade would be into a three person relationship, there's no way you'd still be single, hun," Cat piped up while climbing into Quinn's lap to give her a hug.

Before I even really thought about it, I responded. "I have no qualms with that idea in the least." I pressed a warm kiss to the corner of Quinn's mouth, finished the last sip of my drink, and stood from the warm water, steam radiating from my skin as I climbed out of the tub. "Going for another, anyone else?" I looked around at the frozen faces of my friends and, not receiving any answers, shrugged and walked (okay possibly swayed slightly) inside to mix a new drink, singing along to 'Birthday Sex' that was blasting from the stereo system upstairs and not thinking twice about what was just said outside not moments before. Birthdays weren't so bad after all, evidently, and the night was still young!


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Yes, I know, it's been far too long since I've written. And I apologize. Sure I have excuses, but as my coach always said "Every excuse is the same as the last, so stop making them." So I won't waist your time with them, just know I am sorry and hope to be more consistent with updating now that I know where I'm going and how it's going to end. Please enjoy and as always, your feedback is welcome. Thanks again to my loyal supporters and followers.**

**Xox**

**B**

Chapt 16 Cat POV

"You're such a do-"

_Well Sometimes I Go Out, By Myself, And I Look Across The Water._

_And I Think Of All The Things, Of What You're Doing, And in my head I Paint A Picture._

_Since I've Come Home, Well My Body's Been A Mess, And I Miss Your ginger Hair, And The Way You Like To Dre-_

I was interrupted but Quinn's ringtone sounding off in the smallish bedroom that we were all studying in with a smoky voice that wasn't Amy Winehouse (God rest her soul) but was strikingly similar and just as unique. A blonde head lifted off my stomach, reaching for her phone, so I rolled off of Jade's lap to better see who was calling our friend.

Quinn laid the phone on her bed between our bodies that were facing one another and pushed the 'talk' and 'speaker' buttons. That same raspy voice filtered through the speaker at once without even waiting for an answer.

"Well, would ya look at that, Britt. Q is alive after all!" the voice said, dripping in sarcasm even thicker than Jade's, clearly talking to someone else in the room by how her voice seemed farther away from the mic. It didn't take long for the voice to get closer again, though. "Bitch, I get that we're on different sides of the damn country but shit, I coulda sworn that it was written in this fuckin' best friend handbook somewhere that consistent checking in and returning of phone calls was kinda a mandatory thing. But I musta been fuckin' mistaken considering you coulda been dead and buried and we wouldn'ta known!"

Concerned and not at all liking the tone this girl was giving a close friend, I lifted my gaze from the phone to hazel eyes and quirked an eyebrow asking what the flying fuck kind of greeting that was. Quinn just rolled her eyes at whoever was on the phone and shook her head at me before responding to the demanding voice.

"Hey, San. Hi, Britty B!" she called the second part a little louder, obviously knowing this 'San' had the phone on speaker, too, when a bubbly "Hi Quinnie!" came through in response. The second voice reminded me so much of how I use to talk in high school when I was putting on my "dumb Cat" mask. I wondered if this girl held a similar mask or if she was genuinely as innocent as she sounded. The blonde's face lit up when she heard her friends on the other line so my shoulders relaxed some; I still didn't like that San person much, though.

"Don't try to play nice with us, Q. What gives? It's been like 3 weeks since we've heard from your repressed ass."

"I told you guys I was going to my aunt's for the holidays, Santana. I explicitly remember telling you, though it seemed you were a little distracted on skype that night. Something about Britt in a Santa Baby costume or something?"

That bubbly voice, Britt I assumed, sounded again. "Oh yeah! That was so much fun to tease you in my little red skirt and Santa hat, S! You remember, you said it reminded you of high school and the Cheerios when we used to…" The rest of her phrase was muffled, followed by, what sounded like an embarrassed Santana.

"Britt, baby, we talked about not sharing information like that with others, remember?"

There was a clear pout in Brittany's voice this time, "But it's just Q. It's not like she hasn't seen us sharing sweet lady kisses and more anyway."

"Actually, it's not just Quinn," I felt the need to interject. For some reason I felt kind of bad for that Santana to have her intimate moments on display so freely like that.

"Christ, Q. Warn a girl when you put her on speaker dammit!" Santana quipped.

Hazel eyes rolled again as Quinn shifted and rolled to take my spot as using Jade as a pillow. "Relax, San. Cat and Jade know about you guys already. I've been pocket dialed enough during your sexy times that they probably even know how you sound when you come by heart now." Pink lips curled up into a smirk that I rarely saw on Quinn's features but seemed to natural on her face.

"Ughhhh, you fuckin' suck, Lucy Quinn Fabray!"

Quinn just chuckled as she absent-mindedly drew shapes on my back. "Whatever, babes. You love me. What did you need anyway? We're kinda trying to finish up homework before school starts in two days again."

"Ohhh, have a little too much fun over break there, Quinnie? Hey did you ever act on that threesome the tiny one propositioned and the taller one agreed to? I'd so do both of them if I wasn't happily taken."

"We're still here, bitch," Jade finally voiced. "Though, thank you, I think. From pictures, you and Brittany aren't so bad yourselves."

Santana snorted haughtily. "Pshh, of course we be smokin' hot and that's just in pictures. In person, we'd blow your fuckin' mind."

"Jeezes, she curses more than you do, J," I murmured to Jade who was sitting cross-legged to my right while she played with Quinn's hair.

Quinn laughed. "She thinks she's bad ass and all ghetto being from "Lima Heights Adjacent." Santana lived three streets down from me. Not in a mansion but certainly not in the damn ghetto." She turned to the phone. "Okay, San, we get it. You're fuckin' sexy and we all want on you. And to answer your question," Quinn paused and pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, "I don't know what we are. But all the same we can talk about it when we skype tomorrow night okay?"

At that, Quinn sat up and took the phone off speaker to press to her ear. All Jade and I heard from then on was her side of the conversation: "Mhmm… Yeah just not right now, we can talk more tomorrow… Okay I will but we gotta get this work done since I have training tomorrow morning… Of course I love you, Britt, and I miss you guys bunches… Come see me when you have a break from your show, promise? Mhmm, love you too, Bitch. Bye, babes!" With a slight sniffle, pale fingers pressed 'end' and then wiped deftly at blotchy cheeks before taking a deep breath and turning around to face us again.

"Sorry about them, well Santana mostly. She can be a little much sometimes and when you're not used to her," she chuckled slightly, picking up her BioChem homework sheet again and scanning it over. I could tell she wasn't really reading anything on the page, but gathered Quinn didn't want to talk right then so Jade and I exchanged glances and turned back up the music, proceeding to turn back to our respective school work.

Twenty-three minutes passed in relative silence, only broken by one or more of us randomly singing a few bars to a song quietly while we worked before I couldn't let it go on anymore. I know it was twenty-three minutes 'cause I kept looking at the clock on average every four minutes and it was completely maddening!

"She has a really nice voice…" I left my comment to kinda linger in the air for a moment before continuing once both taller girls looked up from their work. "I honestly never thought anyone would be ever to do Amy's songs justice after her death, she's just such a unique sound that can only be a God given gift that it seems improbable." I chewed on my lip for a moment in thought. "She was really close, though. And even though she wasn't exact on 'Valarie', I feel like if you do a cover you want to bring your own flare to it instead of sounding the exact same, ya know?"

Quinn had a small smile on her face as she took in my words while Jade was a little more reserved but I could tell she was digesting what I'd said.

"She has always had such a uniquely amazing voice; I used to tell her so when she'd sing along to the radio we had in the locker room before and after practice. It took her stubborn ass being forced into Glee to take mine and anyone else's words to heart."

Not one to be left out, Jade gave her opinion: "Girl has got some pipes, but an attitude to boot that I'm surprised hasn't gotten her ass handed to her on a silver platter yet."

A breathy laugh flowed from the athlete. "Oh it has, she's gotten into it with a number of people, myself included, who have _handed_ it to her. But she's fiercely loyal and loves with all of her heart so it makes better sense to be friends with her than enemies… In a lot of ways you remind me of her, J. I thought that the first time I saw you when you walked into group, actually. Y'all will be the best of friends or have a rather explosive relationship, though I imagine it being the former. Santana is actually an up and coming new artist. Got picked up by Columbia Records summer after our freshman year of college while she was at Kentucky on a Cheerleading scholarship. She been writing her own stuff since we were in middle school and now she gets to put her dreams to reality. Pretty amazing, really." Hazel eyes kind of glazed over while deep in thought. It was clear to anyone with ears and eyes that Quinn was proud of her friends. And it sounded like she had good reason to be.

"So what about the other one, Brittany?" I asked curiously.

"Britt is one of a kind. But God does that girl know how to move her body. She used to choreograph our Cheerios routines that won championships and co-choreographed our Glee performances with another dancer, Mike. Britt's now helping choreograph and dancing in a few Broadway productions but her true love is hip hop and modern so she teaches at a studio near their apartment three days a week, too. Those two together are fuckin' phenomenal. They bring out the best in each other and work so well."

We all sat in our thoughts for a few minutes before I broke it up. "They sound amazing, Q. I hope we get to meet people who are so important to you soon. I need to get some rest, though, so I think I'ma call it a night." With that, I gathered up my schoolwork and started putting it in my backpack. Jade followed suit.

After we were all set, the blonde walked us to the front door to her town home and gave Jade a warm hug first. When it was my turn, I wrapped my arms around her neck tightly, tucking my face into her neck and inhaling deeply. I love how she smells; like vanilla and the Jergon's lotion she uses and something that is uniquely just Quinn. As we pulled back, I placed a lingering kiss on the corner of her mouth and leaned in to whisper into her ear. "You are a gorgeous woman, Quinn, but so much more than that. We both know you are so much more than that and we love you for it." Another quick kiss to her now pink tinted cheek, and Jade and I were on our way back across campus to our own dorms.

It wasn't until a almost a week after school was back in session that things had slowed down enough to actually let anything other than homework and studying filter into my head. All the big second semester projects had been dished out (Tia and I got paired together to choreograph a music video for the Jazz department at the University which was pretty cool and had the chance to be performed in the end of the year showcase) but Jade was working on casting for a play she co-wrote that was due to show in late April.

Shoving her hands deep into the kangaroo pocket of her hoodie, Quinn scuffed her Addidas against the frosty pavement. She'd been unusually quiet most of the day after group that day. We'd covered sexual abuse earlier that day and listened to Abbie, a tallish redhead, talk about being raped for years by her uncle. It was sickening to see such a vibrant, beautiful young girl warring with herself internally; conflicted and shifting between feeling disgusted and hurt by her family and yet also somewhat feeling as though it was her fault. It was clear as day to see the storm brewing in her green-gray eyes caused by all of that. Talking about that took nearly the whole session, all of which my blonde counter part listened attentively but didn't utter a sound. I would know, I spent the whole time watching her when I wasn't giving my experience-based opinions on her past.

So after Jade had ran off to work on her play with a quick kiss to both our cheeks, Quinn and I were left to wander and spend the rest of our Saturday together. Glancing over at the taller girl next to me, I zeroed in on the pink lip caught between straight white teeth, nearly drawing blood in deep thought. I finally broke.

"What's eating at you, Q? You're really quiet and kinda scaring me here." I nudged her shoulder with my own when she was still silently gazing into the cement without recognizing my words.

She shook her head subtly, "I'm sorry, babe. Just kind of lost in thought today I guess."

"You sure?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "'Cause it's been going on for the last five days, gradually getting quieter and you're more reserved."

Foggy hazel eyes finally lifted to meet my own. I watched as those eyes shifted back and forth several times while that lip was worried between her teeth again. I waited patiently for Quinn to find whatever it was she was looking for and eventually she found it.

"Jade talks to me, ya know?" -at this I nodded- "And she let me know about your first time sexually together and how great you were and how much love and care you showed to her. She also mentioned that she didn't notice until the morning when we were talking that you seemed hesitant to be naked or touched and eventually just wanted to cuddle instead of be pleased…"

Shocked was an understatement of what I was feeling at the moment. It was like _wow, I never realized Jade was so observant. _Quinn took my silence in stride and let me soak it in for a few moments before continuing.

"So I've been trying to watch you interact over the last week or so to see if what my hunch for why you act the way you do with intimacy is correct. And I think it is."

When it seemed it she wasn't going to elaborate I asked in barely a whisper: "What, what is it?"

Quinn pulled her hand out of the stomach pocket of her jacket for the first time in maybe an hour and grabbed my hand, intertwining our fingers, and leading us to the small coffee show near the sports fields. She stayed silent as we ordered, making my mind whirl with all sorts of possibilities she could be 'hunching' about as to why I still struggle with intimacy. _Does she know about the carving? I swear I've been so careful with where I do it and making it small. Even Jade hasn't noticed! __**So then what the hell is blondie going on about? **__Like I'd ask if I fuckin' knew! Would you like to ask her yourself?! __**No need for sarcasm or sass, Geezes.**_

I must have had a funny or furrowed look on my face because when I pulled out of my head, Quinn was staring at me from across a small table with a raised eyebrow and a small smile quirking at her lips. I huffed and sat back, crossing my arms.

"Care to elaborate on this elusive 'hunch'?" I asked with a little more attitude than I meant. Seeing her face drop slightly made me realize I had snapped. "I'm sorry, Q. I just, I don't know what's wrong with me anymore…"

A pale, cool hand slipped into mine and began playing with my fingers. "I told Jade this but I think you should know, too. You ever wonder why I was so absent after your miscarriage?"

My eyes widened slightly; no one brought up the miscarriage any more, it was kind of just a taboo topic. Nonetheless I nodded, I was curious why she was so flakey for a week or so after that, now more than ever.

She took in a large breath, held it, and then let it out slowly before starting. "When I was at Yale still, I was nearly raped at a frat party. Long story short, the guy forced himself on me and fingered me so hard I was in pain for a week afterwards. It took me half a year before I could show anyone my naked body, let alone touch me sexually. To become vulnerable. I think, and truly believe I'm right, when I say you're struggling with opening yourself up to intimacy. It's why you still cut into your body. You feel ugly and gross and alien to yourself. The body you're in doesn't feel like yours anymore so hurting yourself and leaving behind scars isn't an issue to you: you're already not _you_. But I see you, Catarina Marie Valentine. I see those cuts and scars, the pain and absence in your eyes since the loss that was never this apparent before when you were still being used. So I know it's the miscarriage, just like the loss of my child was for me, and I imagine because it made you face the reality of how real and true life all of this is. Before, you could pretend it didn't matter, if you concentrated hard enough you could even block out that it ever happened, erase it from your memory nearly completely. The pregnancy altered your body, though, and made what happened real while also dehumanizing your body. It's okay to need time to be open to intimacy again. It's normal, natural, and frankly, I'd be worried if you were jumping into the sack again right away. You are a beautiful, talented, intelligent, caring, and kind woman full of so much love. I can see how hard it is to hold back from expressing that love, but fear is a powerful thing. Okay I know this went so far out there, but just know that I have been where you are in nearly every way and understand what you're feeling. So if you ever feel like life is getting to be too much, too overbearing, too intrusive, I'm here and am willing to listen or just be. I know it can help to just _be _in like company. I love you, C, and think that I always will. It kills me to see you struggling so much, but I know it takes time so please take each day as it comes and don't beat yourself up if you don't notice changes right away. I will always remind you of how far you've come."

I lost track of when I started bawling during her speech but by the time she finally fell silent, I was sitting on Quinn's lap with her fingers combing through my hair and her smooth voice speaking softly into my ear. Several minutes passed where I continued to cry and secure arms stayed solidly wrapped around my prone form. After a while, the sobs quieted and I was able to lift my head from its perch in Quinn's neck. She smiled sadly at me and used the sleeves of her hoodie to wipe the tear tracks running down my cheeks, leaving black mascara stains in their wake. I sniffed and grasped the fingers lightly trailing over my flushed cheeks, bringing them between our bodies and running my own fingertips over the smooth skin. My dark eyes stayed trained on our hands for a few moments while I bit my lip in thought, mulling over what was just said to me. Quinn patiently waited and watched me intently, knowing I would talk when I was ready. But I wasn't feeling like words could express all of the gratitude, love, understanding, relief, pain… The plethora of emotions that were pouring out of my being at that moment.

So with a deep breath in through my nose, I finally looked up into dazzling hazel eyes that were still watching me calmly. A small shadow of a smile was playing at the corner of her lips and my eyes dropped down to the movement. Without a doubt in my mind, I leaned forward and closed the seven or so inch distance between us. My eyes fluttered closed as those same lips pressed softly but firmly against my own. The hand in mine squeezed slightly and intertwined our fingers as the other rested on my thigh and my own free hand tucked into Quinn's hair and scratched at the back of her neck. It was a sweet and loving kiss; full of everything I needed at that time. There was no intense heat or hunger or lust, just love and understanding and patience. It was the moment I realized that Quinn really did understand everything I was going through; that she knew what I was feeling and doing to myself. Instead of the shame I expected to flood my body, I was filled with an immense calm I hadn't really felt in months. I felt slightly guilty once I realized my girlfriend, who I was in love with, couldn't give me this same sense of calm. Like a mind reader, Quinn separated our lips with a gentle pop, running her tongue over her bottom lip momentarily, before looking into my eyes with such clarity it made my breath hitch.

"She hasn't been here, in this position before," Quinn whispered, her warm breath puffing over my swollen lips, that's how close she was still holding me. "Try as she does, Jade can't fully understand and if she can't understand, then how can she know what all you need to feel comforted completely? She is an amazing woman and girlfriend, but there are something's out of her control. Don't feel bad for needing more than she can give. I honestly believe that's why I met you, to pick up the pieces she can't."

I shifted my gaze back and forth between her eyes, understanding what she was saying but catching the subtle self-degradation in that last statement, too. Pulling my hand from its warm spot in the neck of her hoodie, I ran my thumb over the pale skin stretching over her cheeks. Pressing another soft kiss to her lips and letting the touch linger for a moment I whispered back to her.

"You are not here to pick up the pieces Jade can't. You still don't get it, Lucy Quinn Fabray, even after all of this time," I shook my head at her. When she raised an eyebrow in confusion, I continued, "You mean so much to me, Quinn. You have been the glue to keep me and Jade together but more than that, you are my best friend. I have come to love everything about you from you amazing love and empathy for everyone you meet, your incredible strength for everything you've been through" -I sniffed- "you are just such an inspirational person, Q. Not to mention your determination to rise above the repressing and constricting parents who raised you. They must have dome something right, 'cause they raised a young woman I am so thankful to know… A woman who has honestly saved my life and reminds me constantly why I _want_ to get up each morning. So please never think of yourself as just second rate on anything, you are so much more than that to me."

With a close-lipped smile, I wiped the silent tears that streamed from vibrant eyes. It was my turn to hold Quinn as she cried in my arms (though I was still on her lap so it probably looked like she was holding me). Always the athlete and 'signature Fabray,' the blonde quickly composed herself and laughed slightly at our disheveled state.

"Jade would think we'd lost our damn minds if she could see us now."

I smiled more warmly at my close friend before shaking my head again and kissing her soundly. "She'd know and get it. She loves you as much as I do, though I believe in different ways. I honest to God love you, Quinn. Never forget that, please." I pleaded with her with my eyes and, after a few moments of searching, pink lips curled up in a soft smile and she nodded.

"I love you, too, C. Now," she patted my thigh resting over her lap, "Let's get back to the house and see if J's done with her work yet for the day. I think after this rather –emotional afternoon, we deserve a relaxing evening, I'll even cook."

With that, she lifted me off her legs and then grabbed my hand, linking our fingers again, and pulled me out into the chilly air. We walked back to her townhouse in a comfortable silence and I had to smile when I felt Quinn play with my fingers, knowing she wasn't even aware of the action. Fleetingly, I worried how Jade would react to this new, closer development I had with our blonde best friend, but it was gone in seconds and I chastised myself for even thinking such nonsense. Like I told Quinn, Jade loves her as much as I do and as she'd said over her birthday a few weeks before, she had no problem with our relationships becoming more than they already were- even encouraged it.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: At bottom**

Chapt 17 Jade POV

I was never very good at figuring out what I was feeling, well other than the obvious emotions like anger or sadness; I just never wanted to take the effort to look any deeper. But the more time I spent with Cat and Quinn, the more I was able to better label my emotions and even open myself up to experiencing the more vulnerable emotions… most of the time. That day, it was a select few that I had to wrap my head around: Pride, Excitement, Anxiety, and Loss. Weird combination huh?

I was so proud of her. She looked amazing cloaked in the official Yale Blue robe and California Gold sash hanging from her shoulders. Fair blonde hair hung in choppy lengths below her shoulders (she'd finally let it grow out more over the school year after having it in a short pixie cut the summer before her Junior year). Her eyes were a brilliant starburst of what I'd come to term "sunflower eyes," where the color surrounding her pupils was a dark shade of gold and the rest of her irises were filled with a deep sky blue. With the light of her smile bursting from what seemed like every pore, she was quite a beautiful sight up on that stage. As Quinn shook God knows what faculty member's hand, I couldn't help but to smile and try to blink back the tears that swam in my vision as a small, warm hand squeezed my own. It had been a long fight but she had come out on top.

"Ugh, fuck! Where the hell is it… God dammit, I'm gunna be so late for this… fuck me…"

I looked up from my laptop to see a rather frazzled Quinn pushing things around in our semi-messy living room and searching for something that clearly was eluding her. I watched as she grumbled more to herself about a 'stupid piece of plastic' for a few more moments before finally raising an eyebrow and asking what had her panties in a twist.

Blazing sea-green eyes shot up to pierce me with a hard look, "My fucking ID. I don't know where my new one is and they won't take the one with a damn hole in it!" She said it with so much force, like I was completely stupid for not having any idea what the hell she was talking about.

"Woah now, Ice Queen. Pull in the freeze glare; you know I give as good as I get. Now take a damn breath and try explaining what is going on again in full sentences." I put my computer off to the side and sat up on the couch more, watching as she finally stood up straight and puffed out a breath while running her hands through her disheveled hair.

After a few deep breaths, Quinn turned around to face me with her hands on her hips and a light sheen of sweat beading at her hairline. Even in such a haggard state, the girl looked gorgeous, not to mention sexy with her black-rimmed, square frame glasses giving her the classic 'librarian' look. "I need my photo ID, and not just my school ID, to take the MCAT this afternoon and I can't find my new one anywhere. My license from before I was 21 isn't valid anymore since it's expired as of"- she looked at the little plastic card in her hand- "11 days ago. So have you seen my new one?"

A little under 2 months before this, a few weeks after Christmas break, Quinn had finally turned the big 2-1 and we'd had a moderately sized party in the townhouse to celebrate. Of course, Cat and I did something special just for her the weekend afterwards that was a total surprise and a pretty 'sweet treat' to mark the first time we'd all made love as an official threesome. It was a great memory and made a smile light up my face as I unconsciously licked my lips… until I realized the blonde in front of me was expecting an answer.

I tapped my index finger to my bottom lip in thought. "Wait, you had it when we went to Ricki's last weekend for some pre-final fun, check your black skinny jeans. Ya know, the ones with the studded right ass pocket."

A sculpted eyebrow rose in my direction with a small smirk, she knew I loved those jeans on her, before Quinn dashed up the stairs two at a time. Not a minute later did she return, ID in hand, and planted a long and thankful kiss to my lips before disappearing out the door in a whirlwind of blonde.

A shy smile blossomed across my lips as I stared longingly at the glass door my blonde tornado had disappeared out of. It took me until Spring Break to realize that I was, in fact, falling in love with Quinn Fabray. I knew she and Cat had a special bond that I could likely never fully understand considering there were some circumstances I hadn't experienced but I could see the relationship growing stronger from the very beginning. They were cute together. Cat's high school innocence wasn't completely unfounded; she was constantly trying to get us to relax and just crack a smile when Quinn and I were stuck and stressed out about the crazy shit going on in our lives. As soon as we got back from Tahoe, Q hit the ground running with studying for her MCAT exam that she'd signed up for in late May and I was busy with the play I was co-directing that was shown in April before finals that started the first part of May. It wasn't like Cat had nothing going on in her life either; she had a number of dance projects she was involved in and the end of the year showcase to get ready for, as well.

But, still, our little brunette found ways to soften up the hard edges that had seemed to permanently find residence on our faces. She would play with our fingers when we were walking around campus or getting coffee, or run her hands through our hair when we were studying, or just simply sing quietly to herself when she was concentrating on something. Hearing that soft voice never ceased to bring a smile to our faces, as Quinn and I would share a loving look over Cat's head.

I loved Quinn, maybe not quite as much as I did Cat, but I loved her all the same. She was fiercely loyal and protective, always looking out for us when we went out. When life got stressful or I was feeling particularly down about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mom and not fully feeling like I was connecting with Cat, Quinn would drop whatever it was she was doing and sit with her arms held open and an understanding look in her eyes. She wouldn't say anything, even when I would shake my head and refuse to let her touch me. She would wait. Patiently keeping her arms outstretched towards me and never saying a word. Eventually, I would break, 'cause being held was really all I wanted in the end, and would crawl into her lap. Strong arms would wrap around me as her breathy voice would hum a song, sometimes throwing in a few lines of lyrics, and I would just lay my head on her chest, letting the vibration and warm love calm me down. A lot of people have been skeptical on how we could work out a three-way relationship, and sure it wasn't all cupcakes and rainbows (though, who would want cupcakes and rainbows all the damn time?), but somehow we made it work. We each played an important role and helped keep the others in check.

A soft voice broke me out of my musings. "What was that all about?" Cat asked as she closed the glass door behind herself and dropped her dance bag on the floor. "I was nearly run over by a crazy blonde woman about ye tall" –she got on her tiptoes and raised her hand about her head- "with a crazed look in her eye, mumbling to herself about bitchy lifesavers."

I laughed at Cat's description of Quinn, though it was surprisingly accurate, and pulled her down into my lap before answering. "She has her MCAT in an hour so she's rushing around looking for her ID and trying to not be late. I found it for her, of course, considering I'm the only one who knows where anything ever is. She's just stressed. We should do something for her when she's done, though. It's kinda a big deal."

Cat turned her torso to better see my face and smiled softly, "I was just thinking the same thing. What time's her test over with?"

"Mmm, I think around 4:30 or so."

"Okay perfect," Cat said with a little nod, "Then we will make her dinner and have it ready by the time she's home not long after that. See if Marissa will get us a bottle of Merlot." She bounced slightly on my lap, clearly getting excited the more she thought of what she was planning, before finally getting up. "First things first, I need a shower… Care to join?"

I don't know anyone in their right mind who would choose a History essay over the sultry look that Cat shot me over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs, even if it was a final essay. My choice was pretty freaking obvious.

A few hours later, I had just finished pouring three glasses of Bogle Merlot ® as Cat was dancing around the kitchen, getting ready to plate up the food, when the blonde all of the preparation was for dragged herself through the front door. Hearing a purse hit the floor made me look up just as Quinn slowly made her way over to us, eyes wide and tired but a small smile pulling at her lips. I watched as she took in the candles, nice table setting, soft back ground music, and no doubt the awesome smell of homemade chicken and broccoli alfredo and garlic bread, before bouncing back to me. By then, I had two glasses of wine in hand and was standing in front of her, holding one glad out for her to take.

It took maybe a full five minutes and Cat carrying out 3 plates of steaming food for her to finally say something.

"I love you guys, so much." Her voice was soft and strained, like she was fighting back emotion to get the words out.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Cat smile softly at her, put the dishes in the correct places around the small dining room table, and close the few strides of distance between herself and the blonde. Raising herself up on her tiptoes again, Cat placed her hands on Quinn's strong shoulders and pressed her lips to the blonde's in a soft yet lingering kiss. After a few moments, she lowered herself, waited until hazel eyes fluttered open again, and then smiled.

"We are so proud of you, Quinn, no matter the outcome. This is our way of saying that. We love you." Everything was done so softly and quietly, I almost didn't want to move more than to breathe. It was like I was a fly on the wall, just observing these two beautiful women lost in a moment of content bliss. It really was breath taking to witness.

Moments later, glassy eyes peered at me with a shy smile. Quinn and I had an interesting dynamic when it came to emotions since we both had a hard time making ourselves vulnerable and open. When we had sex it was rough and full of red-hot passion, where as sex with Cat was a gentler experience. Seeing that she was hesitant, I returned her smile and wrapped my arms around her neck, mindful of the wine in both our hands. Quinn squeezed my waist tightly and I could feel her melt into the embrace as her chest hitched with sniffles. Pulling back, I looked up slightly into her eyes and gently wiped a stray tear away from her flushed cheek. That dinner meant more to her than either of us had anticipated. I smiled again and kissed her softly, sucking on her bottom lip just slightly before pulling back again and leaning towards her ear. I felt her whole body shiver as my warm breath hit her ear, causing me to smirk.

I whispered so only Quinn could hear me, even in the quiet space. "You will forever be an inspiration to me, Lucy Quinn Fabray. You are such an amazing woman and I am so luck to have you in my life." After pressing a small kiss just below her ear I finished, "I love you."

After the few tears and hugs all around, we finally sat down to the amazing dinner Cat had prepared (I was in charge of decorations and 'setting the mood' as Cat had called it, since I nearly started a fire making pancakes a month before). Sensual moans soon filled the air and we lulled into comfortable silence that was only broken on occasion to comment on the food or wine and give each other loving glances and smiles.

We found out 10 and a half weeks, 5 medical school applications, and 3 mental breakdowns later that Quinn received a combined score of 34.3 out of 36 on her MCAT. That was a tearful day but damn were we happy. Shortly after, during the summer months we all lived together just off main campus in a smallish abode, she got news that 3 of the schools she applied to she got in and the main reason she was denied by 2 was because they only accepted some 50 students each year in their programs. Considering both were over seas in different countries, I was very much okay with the denied letters, even if it was selfish.

"Lucy Quinn Fabray, attending the University of California Fan Francisco Medical School in August," the disembodied voice announced through the speaker system and echoed over the roaring crowd on the football field.

I quickly wiped at a rogue tear. "She looks amazing up there!" Cat squealed next to me, clasping my hand tightly as she bounced up and down, a wide grin nearly splitting her face in face.

"Yeah she does," I murmured quietly before yelling out to my best friend as though she could hear me. "Atta baby, Q! Lookin' sexy in that blue an' gold, baby!" Sticking my fingers in my mouth, I followed my hollering with a few loud whistles like how Quinn had taught me to do during the regular lacrosse season so she'd hear us during a game. The blonde head snapped toward our section of the crowd, eyes narrowing before recognition colored her face when she found us. Her polite smile grew genuine as she beamed at us, Cat waving frantically next to me and cheering for her. When hazel eyes locked on mine, we shared a smile that conveyed everything I was feeling. She knew how proud of her we were and how much we loved and cared for her. I think anyone with eyes could see that. When I heard Judy wasn't going to fly out for her youngest daughter's graduation, I nearly went all Los Angeles on her ass (yes, I'd met and taken a liking to Santana Lopez and might have gathered a few of her habits along the way). But Quinn's older sister did surprise all of us when she showed up the weekend before graduation with a little something extra.

"You guys better not be startin' the movie with out me!" I paused; listening to the suspicious giggling that followed my statement that was quickly drowned out by shrieking, Quinn was most definitely launching a tickle attack to tide them over. "Goobers," I mumbled under my breath while reaching for the door. When I pulled it open, expecting one of our friends to be stopping by for a random visit, my breath caught in my throat.

Standing before me was a near spitting image of Quinn, just older and maybe an inch shorter with darker blonde hair. The woman shifted her blue eyes nervously, searching my face for several long seconds before finally finding what she was looking for and releasing her bottom lip from its capture between her teeth.

She cleared her throat before speaking, her voice kind of scratchy and breathy like Quinn's but an octave higher. _So it is a genetic thing then, hmm._ "You're Jade, right? Sara mentioned she was living with two other girls, and you don't seem to be tiny with big doe eyes."

My eyebrow rose in suspicion and I crossed my arms over my chest before leaning against the doorframe, essentially barring her entrance to our house. "Who's asking?" I retorted defensively.

Just then, another member of the family made herself known. "Hey, baby, who's at the- oh…" Cat's eyes widened almost comically before she called out in a loud voice, not even bothering to turn her head back into the house. "Q, you're gunna wanna come'ere for this, I think!"

Within moments, another blonde head rounded the corner and came to a fast halt behind the shortest person at the door. "Frannie, what the- why- what are you doing here?" Quinn asked in disbelief, and confirming what Cat and I were thinking: that was Quinn's non-present older sister, just about back from the grave.

The older blonde bit her lip again and played with the strap of the bag slung over her shoulder, looking down before quickly meeting Quinn's hazel gaze with her own blue one. "Hey, Lu-Quinn. Aunt Sara told me about your graduation and acceptance into medical school… and I wanted to be here to congratulate you in person and be here for the ceremony… I hope that's okay."

From what Quinn had told us about her sister, this woman in front of us was vastly different from the overly confident, selfish bitch Frannie used to be. It made me wonder what had broken her down so much. I could feel Quinn tense behind me at the almost slip of her given name; she barely let Cat or myself get away with calling her 'Lucy'. All she had to do was say the word and I would have had no qualms about slamming the door in her sister's face and returning to the movie.

As Quinn sucked in a breath to speak, a garbled cry rang out, immediately causing all eyes to shift to the bundle of blankets that was now wiggling by Frannie's feet. I had been so caught up in this random appearance that I hadn't even realized the bag on the woman's shoulder was a diaper bag.

"Oh, and to introduce you to your niece, and Goddaughter if you'll have her." Frannie bent down and picked up the small child from the carrier, cradling the infant who couldn't be more than 18 months against her chest and turning so blue-green eyes could blink up at us. "Lucy, meet your Aunt Quinn. Quinn, this is my daughter, Lucy."

We all stared at the little girl in her mother's arms, and she looked back at us, clearly very curious who the new faces were. After a moment of silent observation, a small fist raised toward Quinn, opening and closing in a pinching motion eagerly. Cat stepped aside and let Quinn move closer in a trance. She raised a trembling hand slowly. Instantly, Lucy's chubby fingers wrapped around Quinn's index finger and she tugged on her hand, bringing Quinn closer to her. They just looked at one another for a long while before Lucy ducked her head into Frannie's shoulder bashfully and let out a little yawn, still holding onto Quinn.

"Um…" Quinn cleared her throat and took her hand back from the child, shoving it in her pocket. "You guys can stay here, I mean, if you don't wanna get a hotel room. We have the space, though not a crib, if she needs one…" Hazel eyes shot us a look, silently making sure we were okay with it which we both nodded to, before she moved back and motioning for her sister to come inside. I stooped to grab the duffle and baby bag while Cat and Quinn lead the way into the house.

We learned that night and the following day that after Frannie left Cincinnati for college in Chicago on a Cheerleading scholarship, she bounced around from guy to guy and eventually lost her scholarship when she hit rock bottom and got a DUI her sophomore year. The school let her off the hook and go back after being on academic probation for a semester so Frannie graduated a semester late. Minus her blip with the feds, Frannie finished school with a degree in Political Science and moved to Oregon to work as a legal secretary for a business law firm. That only left one question… Where the hell did baby Lucy come into the picture? Turns out that Frannie met a man at the firm not long after she moved. Almost 2 years later, the little plus sign popped up and the guy she thought she'd spend her life with bailed. He said he couldn't be a father at that point, even at 26 he wasn't man enough to handle it. Thankfully, the sperm donor still sends child support but Frannie hasn't seen him since he transferred out of Oregon to head to Arizona. Having met her niece and rekindling with her sister, Quinn asked Frannie to visit more often which the older blonde readily agreed to. After the initial tension, the week turned out being a lot of fun and filled with laughs, tears, and plenty of love.

"You guys are amazing, thank you so much for this party," Quinn gushed, throwing an arm over both Cat and my shoulders.

Cat pressed a quick kiss to Quinn's cheek, "Of course, Q. We're so proud of you!"

"Mhmm," I hummed in response, flashing a quick smile to my girls. I shrugged out of the embrace with the excuse to get another drink and check on the rest of the party.

As I walked away from the living room, I could feel their eyes on the back of my neck. I knew I was acting weird but it was getting hard to breath in that room. My palms were getting sweaty; my chest tight, face was flushing with heat, sounds were coming in fuzzy and with an echo, and the room started to spin. I had to get out of that house, and fast, so I took off. The last thing I remember is the bang of the door off the wall behind me and a soft summer breeze against my sweaty face, then nothing.

**AN: Hey guys, I am so sorry for how long this is taking to update. I am kind of losing steam for this story (thankfully it's only a few more chapters long) so I am have trouble pushing myself to get it done. Thank you to the reviewer to asked me yesterday (or maybe Monday) when I was updating again; it was the push I needed to finished the last few paragraphs to this chapter. I know that slow updating is a huge turn-off for a story so I apologize and will try my best to not take 2 months to update again. If you have any ideas or suggestions feel free to let me know. There will be a little bit more angst in a next chapter or so, just a heads up.**

**Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me for so long. **

**Xox**

**B**

**P.S. Stay tuned for a new story sometime in the near-ish future. :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Yes, it's been forever and a lifetime. I do apologize and don't have much of an excuse beyond the normal so I won't waste your time with it. We're winding down, my friends, and these last few will be a little different than the previous. You will see what I mean soon enough. As always, hope you enjoy.**

**Xox**

**B**

**P.s. The following are responses to 2 guest reviews I got that I felt needed to be addressed. If neither of these were you, feel free to skip to the non-bold print. Thanks!**

**To Xx Guest who commented on 1/27: A. you should get a profile so people can write back to you personally. B. Thank you for the constructive criticism. I realize I blazed over some things (i.e. Cat's issue with being touched sexually, the first time they all get together, etc.) but things I feel are important and worth expanding on, I do and will in time, just trust the process. And thank you for reminding me of Tia, for a while there I basically seemed to replace her with Jordan so I apologize and thanks again for the reminder.**

**To Guest who commented on 12/14: Read the above A. Get a profile so people can write you back instead of calling you out on here in public. B. Yes, there is a three-way relationship in here. It's not always a three way and won't always be a three way but I think these three characters balance each other out well and in my world (aka the one you are reading and I am creating) it works just fine and there aren't huge issues like you assume there is. I think you can love 2 people at the same time, I'm sorry if you feel differently. And if this ruins the story for you, I'm sorry but you're the one who read nearly 64,000 words into it. **Shrugs** tough shit. :)**

**To everyone else, I read all comments and appreciate everyone's feedback so thank you for taking the time to read my story and let me know what you think. You guys are why I keep coming back to this. Love all of you and am so glad to hear some people can relate personally to some aspects of this, I try to pull pieces of my own life into stories so I'm happy to share links with you all. Sorry for the long note here, just needed to vent some things to "guests" who don't have profiles. On with the show!**

Chpt 18

"_That shit was crazy," Jade exclaims, shaking her head slightly._

_I did nothing but tremble with my sobs, hardly able to take in a shaky breath between sniffling and wet coughs._

_Cat coos at me, brushing her fingers through my short fringe. "Aww, Q. It's over now, no need for the tears, Baby girl. We're okay."_

"_I j-just, God, I was so-so scared th-that day…" I look up into emerald eyes, "And s-so mad at you, J. So fucking m-mad that you'd d-do that to us."_

_Jade just smiles sadly at me, pain and regret swimming in her eyes._

White tiles blurred past my vision, the chatter echoing off sterile walls sounded like my head was submerged under water, my nasal hairs were singed by the overwhelming stench of chlorine chemical cleaning solutions. The constant moving of the floor was making me nauseous and seriously hurting my head. A weak sniffle finally broke me out of my self-induced haze.

Cat's tiny body was curled up in one of those horrible plastic hospital chairs, quaking with silent sobs. Her best friend and roommate, Tia, was beside her, rubbing her back and murmuring things quietly in her ear. In all the chaos, I had hardly noticed Tia followed us to the hospital after the party ended so abruptly. My eyes fell on Cat; I had never seen her look smaller and more vulnerable. Walking over to the empty chair next to her, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into my body and effectively onto my lap. Nothing was said, but I could feel my shirt becoming damp with her tears. It took nearly twenty minutes of holding Cat for me to realize I hadn't shed a tear; I was numb. Numb to the reality of what we were dealing with, numb to the dislike a parent can have for their child, numb to the future that was just around the corner that was looming over me like a dark storm cloud.

"Jadelyn West? Anyone here for Jadelyn West?" a nurse in light blue scrubs called out, literally quieting the waiting room and causing both Cat and myself to be roused out of our heads.

Cat glanced at her darker friend, a conversation was had through their gazes, before Tia nodded once, grabbed her bag and dropped a kiss on Cat's forehead on her way to the doors.

Franny, with Lucy on her hip, came up beside me and placed a soft hand on my lower back. "Do you want us to come with you?"

I shook my head after glancing at Cat, "Take the baby home. I'll call with any news, thank you for coming." We shared a quick hug before the nurse led Cat and I down a maze of hallways to the cardio ward.

"402." It was the first thing Cat said since we got to the hospital, and it was barely more than a whisper.

A small, cold hand reached for mine, grasping tightly. The nurse gave the standard "sympathetic smile" and left us just outside the door to Jade's room. With a glance at Cat, I knew I was going to have to be the one to get us inside. I took a deep breath, ignoring the chemical smell and the rolling of my stomach, before turned the handle and pushing the door open.

All of the noise was silenced as the door swung shut behind us, leaving the steady beeping of machines to fill the quiet room. Cat had tears trekking down her cheeks again as we took in the sight of our best friend on that hospital bed. Her pale skin was deathly translucent and showed a bluish-green map of her veins and arteries that lay just beneath the surface, multicolored wires were running from varying machines into differing parts of her body, her beautiful dark locks were lacking their normal shine and were in a tangled mass messily pushed behind her ears. Three white steri-strips were on Jade's forehead, covering stitches that held together a gash she'd gotten from the fall. Where the hospital gown was open in the front, four circular discs with wires connected to them were stuck to her chest and ran to a heart monitor just to the right of her bed. It was the source of the beeping, the regular beeping that mirrored the regular beating of the heart inside someone I was so invested in.

"I'm so fucking mad at you." When Cat's eyes snapped to me, I realized I'd said my thought out loud, but I didn't care. I walked up to her bedside, grabbed the hand lying limp, and pressed a kiss to the unmarked skin on her forehead. I leaned my forehead against hers, breathing in her scent that couldn't be masked by the hospital smell. "How could you do this to me," I whispered into her ear.

"Stop crying on me, Q, you're makeup will run." Jade's gravely voice rang out into the room, scaring the hell out of Cat and myself. When I pulled back, deep green eyes were staring back at me, a smile playing at pale lips.

A sob broke out as Cat rushed to Jade's side, flinging her arms around Jade's body and crying uncontrollably. Jade let go of my hand to stroke Cat's back, shushing her as best she could while trying not to mess with the IV in her left arm too much.

"Baby, I'm okay, I promise. C'mon now, don't cry, I'm right here."

Cat just held tighter. I could see Jade wince slightly but try to shift her hold so she wasn't in pain. It wasn't working so I lightly grabbed Cat's arm and pulled her back. She fought me on it. "Cat, you're on her IV line, it's pulling at her skin, baby girl."

That made her finally look up and see Jade readjusting the needle in her arm. It was useless and soon enough a louder beeping sound went off, much more jarring than the rhythmic heart monitor. Seconds later the nurse we met earlier came in and made quick work of disposing of the used needle and putting a new one in a different vein. Before she left, she gave us strict orders to be more careful or we'd be asked to leave. Cat and I nodded our understanding solemnly. Just then, a man in a white lab coat walked in and picked up the chart at the bottom of Jade's bed.

"Well, Miss West, how are you feeling now?" He looked up, seemingly just now realizing there were people in the room. "Oh, my apologies. I am Dr. Werner, the cardio specialist looking over Miss West. And you both are?"

Jade spoke up. "Hey, Doc. These are my girlfriends, Cat and Quinn. They're the ones listed as my emergency contacts."

"Ah, the lovely ladies who can handle you and your sass. I commend you both." I was completely floored by the joking tone both the doctor and Jade were using. Honestly, it was pissing me off. "Any light headedness or chest pain, Miss West?"

"Na, I'm feeling a lot better actually. How'd the stats look?"

"ECG is normal now, but we'd like to keep you over night for observation and then we can go from there in the morning. Sound good?"

"Uh, no." I was fuming now, how in God's name were they acting so casual?! Both Jade and Dr. Werner turned to me with questioning faces, waiting for me to elaborate. I gestured between Cat and myself. "For those of us not privy to what the fuck happened to make my girlfriend collapse at my graduation party, what the fuck is going on and why did she need ECG's and shit? What's wrong with Jade's heart?"

Cat gasped when I mentioned a heart problem, evidently she didn't know what an ECG is used for. We were both in for a surprise. The doctor coughed awkwardly and blushed a light pink, clearly embarrassed for not informing us what was going on.

"I am so sorry, I thought Miss West had mentioned what happened. Jade has a heart condition called Long QT Syndrome. When she experiences physically or emotionally stressful stimuli, her heart beats erratically which can cause dizziness and fainting spells such as what happened this afternoon. It's a genetic mutation, likely starting with Miss West here since there is no history of heart disease in her family. You're best way to learn more is to do some research on the condition. The nurse can give you some pamphlets, too, if you'd like."

"O-okay, so is she okay now?" I stumbled through my question, my head was running rampant with questions. Did I miss any signs? Is this deadly? What do we do now?

"Well, after we run a few more tests, we'll better know how to treat her condition. Since this is the first time she's experienced an episode, the condition doesn't seem extremely progressive so drug treatment should be just fine. Of course, she'll have to adjust some of her lifestyle and just be more aware of things that can trigger heart arrhythmias. We caught it early, and she was thankfully not in a position that could have resulted in more damage from a fall, so things are looking good. We will know more in the morning."

"Thanks, doc, can you give us a bit?" Jade asked.

"Of course, I'm actually off the clock now so I'll be by in the morning to check on you," Dr. Werner nodded his goodbye and slipped back into the hallway, shutting the door behind him.

We spent that night in the hospital with Jade, trying to keep our spirits up and Jade calm and distracted from everything. Once she dosed off around 10 that night, I was on my phone nonstop trying to learn everything I could about Long QT Syndrome. Around 1 am I finally shut off my phone and got up to stretch my limbs. My back was stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. Even after almost five years, my accident was still affecting my everyday life. As I stretched my arms behind my back, cracks sounded out like gunshots, making me wince and check to see if it'd disturbed the other two sleeping beauties. Thankfully they were still out like a light, cuddled into the tiny hospital bed.

I quietly slipped out into the silent hallway. Looking left and right, I shrugged to myself and decided to try the hallway to my right. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I shuffled down the dim corridor mulling over everything I'd read in the last few hours. Long QT Syndrome is rare, and always genetically inherited recessively so only a small percentage of people with the genes actually show the traits. But that didn't make sense. Already it is a rare disease to have in the first place, but even more rare to be the first person in a family line to have the genetic mutation. Of course, mutations have to start somewhere so it is possible Jade just has horrendous luck, but not very likely. So then chances were good, Jade wasn't the first person in her family to have Long QT, just the first to be diagnosed properly. More than that, I was baffled by the fact that even after being informed of her daughter's condition and dance with death, Mrs. West didn't jump at the chance to come see Jade. I called her myself, and was met with disgust and accusations of being the reason why her daughter "turned gay and sinful" and that maybe this was karma's way of punishing her. She was quick to tell me that Jade had everything she needed and was just fine, "she isn't five feet under like my son, after all". God, that woman drove me up the wall; it was a really good thing she didn't come to see Jade, I'd likely have just throttled her before she could set foot within the hospital building anyway. After thinking and wandering for another half hour or so, exhaustion got the best of me and I was forced to turn in for the night, returning back to the same chair that likely had my ass imprint in it by that point.

"What the hell is with everyone trying to give me heart failure before the age of 25?! Fucking bitches are guna kill me and then all y'all can deal with this shit!"

All three of us snapped our heads towards the doorway that one Santana Lopez had just entered, followed by the always bubbly Britt.

"Well wouldya look at that, Satan herself, as I live and breathe," Jade joked with just as much sass as the Latina.

Santana strode over to the bed and plopped herself ungracefully on the end. "Yeah, well just make sure you keep living and breathing. I swear to God," she got up and bent over closer to Jade's face, "you see this?" She pointed to her flawless forehead, "Y'all are giving me wrinkles. Wrinkles! I'm too young for fucking wrinkles! So knock it off and stop getting paralyzed" – Santana pointed to me – "Taken advantage of" – she pointed to Cat – "And dying" – she ended glaring at Jade for a few moments until Britt got up close and personal, not caring that Jade was basically eating her hair, her innocent eyes searching seriously all over the Latina's face.

"I don't see any wrinkles, San," Britt commented offhandedly, smoothing her fingers over the creases in her girlfriend's brow before smiling. Everyone was quiet for a few moments until Jade cracked up giggling like a school girl, and we all followed suit. Leave it to Baby B to break the tension and keep us all in good spirits.

"_I never knew you were trying to make sense of my condition, Lucy Q," the dark brunette murmurs softly, so as not to upset the somber mood that has come over us. I just nod, wiping at my nose with the ragged sleeve of my faded UCSF hoodie. "Did you end up coming up with any theories?"_

_I take in a deep breath and look up into Jade's eyes; she looks so conflicted, like she has some ideas of her own but isn't sure if she wants to speak them out loud for fear of them being true._

"_Obviously, there's no way to find out now, but I always wondered if maybe your brother's accident wasn't just a random case of him forgetting how to swim after growing up in the water. A number of sites I looked at that night and even some articles I read in school stated that often, children with Long QT Syndrome who seem completely healthy before, die by drowning when their heart seizes and then stops. It's one of the leading causes of death in people with the condition. So I dunno, maybe you weren't the first and your parents and other family members just got lucky to not develop the condition but were carriers. It happens. Unfortunately, there's just really no way to know for sure." I shrug and bite my lip, "I'm sorry, J."_

_We're all quiet for several moments, taking in the rustling of leaves in the fall breeze and muted bird chatter farther off. Cat speaks for the first time in a while, completely changing the subject. "It was pretty cool having Santana and Brittany come out for your graduation though, Q. As if Jade hadn't been enough entertainment, they certainly added some New York flare."_

_That got me to smile. My undergraduate graduation was the first time all four of my friends met in person. Sure, Jade and Cat were around when we had our weekly Skype sessions (enforced by Santana after the 2 month dry spell we had over Christmas break), but nothing is the same as meeting in person. And when it comes to my feisty Latina, you definitely have to meet her in person to get any sort of read on if you'll love or hate her, and vice versa. Thankfully, everyone got alone great. Santana was still her fiery self, and Jade was still as sarcastic as she's always been, but that only proved to provide witty banter that entertained the rest of us. Thank God they all meshed so well, I'm not sure what I would have done if they hadn't. How do you pick between childhood best friends and best friends who are basically family?_

"_Yeah, Satan was alright I guess," Jade shrugs, trying to play it off but I see a smile tugging at her lips._

"_You two together were horrible and yet so damn funny. I wouldn't be surprised if they never let us back in St. Luke's ever again, even if it is an emergency. And I still can't believe you convinced them to move out here, pretty impressive negotiating skills. I stand by my argument that you coulda been a great lawyer some day, Jade…" I fade off, thinking of all the things that could have been if we'd all stuck together like we promised._

"_Whatever, Annie loved me, as did the rest of the nurses, all part of my charm. And you know Britt wanted to be here, girl loves the sun and the beach as much as she loves Santana. And Satan can work anywhere and would do anything for you and Britt so it's not like I was pullin' teeth when I mentioned it."_

"_Well, either way, thank you for planting the seed. Y-you have no idea how much it's meant to me th-these last few months… I d-don't know what I'd have done without their support." And I am back to a sniveling mess again. God, you'd think I would be out of tears by now for how many I've shed in the last 8 months._

_Both Cat and Jade move closer, sandwiching me between them. "For all you've done for us, Quinn, you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you as much as we do," Cat whispers into my hair._

"_We owe you our lives and so much more, Lucy Q; without you, we'd have been lost a long time ago."_

_They shuffle closer as I crumble to the ground, kneeling beside me in the soft earth. As Cat leans her head on my shoulder and Jade wraps an arm around my waist, I can't help the shiver that travels up my spine, leaving goose bumps in its wake. It's one sensation I will never get used to for as long as I live._


	19. Chapter 19

Chpt 19 Third Person POV

"Do you even remember what I told you the first time you and C got it on? Okay, the first time I was sure you guys were guna get it on and you doubted me but then I was right in the end?"

Damn did she hate it when Quinn was making a valid point and was right at the same time. Damn her and her fucking psychic abilities to understand both Jade and Cat to a T. Though it's what they got for not having any secrets between the three of them, even after Quinn split off from their threesome to pursue other avenues, also known as a hot Philippine girl at her Med school Quinn had met in their second year.

Jade rolled her eyes, trying hard to not fidget with her cream pant suit, not wanting to cause any undue wrinkles before anyone even saw her in the over-priced garb. With a dramatic sigh she responded to the blonde, "No, Lucy Q, I don't remember what you said being as you've bestowed some much damn wisdom on me in this past seven years that I have no idea which one moment in time in your infinite knowledge you are referring to."

There was a pregnant pause as the blonde sitting in the corner sat quietly, absorbing what was just said, trying to decipher if she should be legitimately insulted or if the on slot of barbs was due to nerves. With a slight frown, Quinn took a deep breath and clenched her jaw, as if to prepare for a war.

"Okay, so stress it making you bitchy and vulnerable; fine, I'll take it for now but in a few days time when you figure out how shitty you're being, you can take to me to dinner to make up for it." Quinn rose from her seat and smoothed out the slight creases from her pants and vest, fixing her hair in the three-panel mirror opposite the brunette, as she took a few steps forward. "If you remember, you were a wreck, thinking you were going to break her and ruin any type of future you guys had together. So I reassured you that, if it were to happen, 'it' being 'sexual intercourse', that she obviously would be ready by this point and would never put herself in a position to feel vulnerable or uncomfortable again. So, naturally, anything that did happen, she would feel comfortable with it and be okay with it happening, so you had no reason to fret or be worried. You then proceeded to tell me I had taken one too many lacrosse balls to the head and needed to lay off the weed- which I only tried twice, thank you very much, God only knows why I ever even told you about it in the first place… But, tell me, Jade, how did that night turn out?"

The brunette paused in her self-examination to regard the other woman in the room. Dark eyebrows furrowed in thought before Jade turned to face her best friend head on. Her lips pursed from side to side, as if to make to speak, but then rethinking her words and trying again. After a few minutes, Jade broke the tense silence.

"You were right. As much as I ever hated admitting it, you knew Cat better than I did for a long time; you knew what she went through and how she was likely to handle everything we came up on. Which meant, you were right that night. I let her lead, like you suggested, and after a few minutes of shy hesitation, she let her guard down and let me see and experience all of her. You know what it's like, it was amazing, our first time ever making love," Jade murmured softly, with a kind of innocence swirling in her green eyes Quinn hadn't seen since that first day in survivor group.

The blonde smiled, a hint of sadness coloring her features. "Then you know Cat would never go through this if she was not absolutely sure this is where her heart lays and what she wants to do. You know our girl, she is not one to do something because it is expected; everything is in her own time. Trust her, and trust yourself, that you are ready to do this. Because you are, you both are so ready for this." Quinn's voice broke on the last line; she sniffled before finishing her pep talk. "I have been there through just about everything there has been to be through, and you are ready. I've given you everything I can to help understand her, and her you. You both are as ready as two people can ever be, and I am so proud and honored to be here to witness this."

Jade had silent tears slipping down her cheeks as she listening to the heartfelt words her best friend spoke to her. Simultaneously, both women stepped forward and embraced each other, fully closing the door on one chapter and wetting the pen for the next chapter to be started. No other words were exchanged as Jade continued getting ready and Quinn took calming breaths to prepare herself for round two. Soon, a few people Jade had become close to over the years made their way into the room to help her get ready. Quietly, the blonde made her way to a dark mahogany door almost ten paces down the silent hallway.

The tiny figure was a sight for sore eyes. A tasteful satin fabric was cinched tight around the waist and then flowed naturally around the legs and ankles, accented with lavender ribbons along the trim and a lavender flower pulled into her hair. Caterina Valentine never looked as stunning as she did at that moment, completely vulnerable as she gazed at her reflection in the full-length mirror in front of her, worrying her lip. A few ladies Quinn had met once or twice prior were putting around the room, touching up make up on Jordan or Tia, or fluffing a curl that wouldn't hang just right for Cat. With a click of her tongue and a quick hand movement, Quinn had the women all leaving the room, save for Cat and herself.

When it was just the two, Quinn caught dark eyes in the mirror and smiled as she slid up behind the beautiful woman in front of her. "You have never been more beautiful," she said honestly, resting her hands on Cat's bare shoulders, smoothing her thumbs over soft skin. The blonde felt the body beneath her take a shaky breath and knew she made the right decision in asking for privacy; this was something the younger woman needed to hear and she needed to say.

"Do you remember that day, after our Christmas in Tahoe, when we went to get coffee together and you ended up in my lap? That was the first time you and Jade had been intimate since you to together earlier in the year."

Brown eyes rose to meet with hazel in the mirror as Cat nodded subtlety, still taking quivering breaths.

Quinn let a small smile grace her lips at the young girl she saw flashing in Cat's eyes. "Jade will still never fully understand everything you feel or have been through, by no fault of her own, but she is dedicated and has dedicated the last seven years of her life to understanding as well as she can and always being there for you. She may not always get what you are trying to tell her, but damn does she try. And like she has been since you guys met in high school, she will never ask you to do something you aren't ready or comfortable with. You know that as well as I do; that woman would rather walk over glass than hurt either of us. This is no different. If she didn't think you were ready or able to love her, you wouldn't be here right now staring at a timeless image and I wouldn't be in this ridiculous outfit. But we are, and it's because you are ready, as is she. As am I."

Pale hands grabbed tan shoulders, turning the smaller woman to face Quinn, their eyes locking in honest sincerity. "There was a time when I knew this day would come and I wasn't sure I would be ready or okay with it. For so long we were the trio, the unstoppable three. But over time, you both have helped me realize how strong of a woman I can be on my own, not always needing a man or woman on my arm to define my self worth, or me for that matter. And at the same time, you both have grown, too, into amazing women who I am so proud to call my best friends. There are no loose ends that need attending to, nothing to stop us from taking the next step. This chapter is done, C. But a new one is just starting, and you best bet your sweet ass I will be making many reoccurring appearances."

Both women smiled at each other with tears making tracks through their make up. Tears of sorrow for the times that were over, tears of pain for the loss that was sure to come in a few hours once it set in, tears of joy for new memories to be made, tears of relief that life hadn't had the last word. Cat tucked her head under Quinn's chin and wrapped her arms around the blonde's midsection tightly. Quinn returned the embrace with her eyes cast skyward, her first prayer in over a decade being silently sent up to the heavens to keep her friends in God's good graces.

Just under an hour later, the blonde shed more tears as she watched along with Brittany and Santana as Cat and Jade made it official. Quinn was surrounded by love, sandwiched between her childhood best friends, as hazel eyes followed intertwined hands as they left the church steps to cheers and applause as they entered the black limo. Neither were very religious or practicing Christians, but with the shared faith of believing in God, they felt it right to have the ceremony at a local nondenominational church near the bay and then the reception in a non-descript ballroom in some swanky hotel in San Francisco.

Deep green eyes were pulled towards a hand as it linked and squeezed hers. Brittany's sea-blue eyes were dancing in delight; she was always one for romance and happy-endings. Quinn turned to the left to gauge her more realistic friend's reaction. To her surprise, Santana was discretely wiping away tears as they pooled in her eyes. Feeling eyes on her, the Latina flickered her gaze to the slightly taller blonde.

"Never been one for weddings, they always seem like such a crock when the divorce rate is over 50% in America. But those two, I dunno, something about them. They'll make it last. That's love right there; that's love you've experienced, Q. Love you'll never have quite the same. But damn did they fix you up good. There was a time I was worried we would never see you smile again without some sort of devious smirk lingering in your eyes or a pained tint to your features." – at this, Brittany nodded, taking her hand back and wrapping her arm around Quinn's waist to rest her head on her shoulder- "I dunno what it was, maybe it was the west coast air or something. But I can't remember the last time I saw you so sure of yourself, so okay in your own skin. Spent years trying to help you grow comfortable with yourself at the end of senior year and into college, but they did what we couldn't. For that, we will forever be grateful."

"Plus, they're like, totally hot together and will make some gorgeous mixed babies," Britt added after a beat.

With linked arms, the best woman escorted the 4 brides/grooms women to the waiting limo, ready to welcome the new couple to their reception and then send them on their way to their honeymoon.

"_Nothing quite like a wedding to bring everything into perspective, huh?" Jade says quietly, shaking her head. "It was a great day, though. Not sure you've ever been more wise, Q."_

_Quinn blushes lightly, ducking her head and wiping a few tears in the process that have yet to cease. "It was nothing I hadn't already told either of you at one time or another. Certainly one of the best days of my life, I think it ranges in the Top 10. You both looked so beautiful in the designer clothes, but more than that, you were comfortable with who you were. You weren't concerned about being judged for who you were 'supposed' to be, Jade. And Cat, you were so content to be where you were, in the arms of someone who truly loves you. God, it was breath taking. I told myself, "Q, this is what love looks like. And when you find it, because you will find it if you haven't already, you better make sure this is what your wedding day looks like so they can see what you are seeing." I wish that was possible. I wish you both could be my best women or brides maids and give me away to Ariana some day when we are ready. God, I wish so many things that can't ever be. How is this even fair?!"_

_Both brunettes look on as their close friend and family member crumbles into herself, so much anguish and pain is painted across her delicate features. Far off, a faint voice is heard over the sobbing of the blonde curled into a ball at their feet, a voice bringing home everything they have truly missed in this life._

"I will never forgive you for this!" the woman screamed in outrage as sweat dripped down her temples and she gritted her teeth in pain.

"Just breath through it, love-"

"Yeah? Breath through this! There is nothing that you can do to make up for the amount of pain I am in right now! You wanna help?! You go through this night and day, and then try to push a watermelon through your vagina that doesn't get bigger than the size of a soft ball after nine months of housing this thing! Fuck you, C! Fuck youuuuuu!"

Quinn cringed as she watched Cat's hand slowly lose color as Jade squeezed out the pain she was feeling while giving birth. It had been just over eight hours already since her water broke and if Q thought Jade was a bitch when she was dealing with pregnancy hormones, Lord was she not ready for the ball of slander and venom that was Jade in contractions. It was like how she always imagined Santana would be if she ever were to carry a child, but twice as bad, which was plenty bad with Santana's alter-ego 'Auntie Snix' coming into the mix. She informed her long-time friends of this at a later date, the two of them deciding to let Britt carry their children in the future.

"He's crowning!" The labor and delivery doctor announced happily, as if Jade wasn't screaming in agony.

"Oh, well, thank the heavens he decided to crown there for ya, doc! 'Cause he for sure ain't listening to me! Should we bake him a God damn cake for this accomplishment?!" Jade sarcastically exclaimed after grunting through another wave of contractions.

The doctor, positioned between Jade's legs, didn't even look up, used to this kind of verbal abuse from her patients in the throws of labor. She'd had three of her own so she doesn't hold it against them in the least. A few of the tending nurses had cast a glance at the woman spread eagle on the hospital bed to shoot her looks of sympathy but Jade was having none of it.

"What the fuck do you pathetic wanna-bes keep looking at?! This ain't the circus and I for sure ain't a fucking side show attraction! God damn, even Quinn, who isn't even out of residency yet, knows to keep her fucking mouth shut and eyes to herself in this situation. Jeezes, who hired you fucking imbeciles!"

"Jade, enough!" Quinn quickly cut in as she watched the faces of a few of the nurses turn sour the more Jade spoke. "Shut the fuck up and push, dammit!"

That got the doctor's attention, "Ma'am, that is no way to talk to-"

Loud groaning interrupted the doctor and semi-inhuman noises emitted from Jade as she pushed with all the energy she had left in her worn out body. There wasn't much in the reserves, but it was enough to get the head and shoulders to breach the birth canal. The labor doctor was able to guide the newborn the rest of the way. Within milliseconds of Jade falling silent after her extensive push, a wail that can only belong to an infant filled the hospital room and all parties turned to the tiny, wiggling form in the doctor's hands. Quick work was made to clean, measure, and weigh him, before he was returned to Jade's flushed body.

Quinn smiled through happy tears as she watched her best friends gaze adoringly at their newborn son and then share an exhausted kiss together. After a few minutes recovering from everything that happened, Jade looked up and gestured for the blonde to come closer. Still dressed in her scrubs, Quinn took tentative steps towards the new mothers. The closest she'd been to an infant was to Lucy and that was a toddler at this point. She didn't want to hurt this tiny human so she stopped a good three feet from Jade's bed.

Pushing sweat-matted hair behind her ear, Jade chuckled softly. "You aren't guna hurt him, Q. C'mere, we need to introduce you to someone who is really important to us, and hopefully you, too."

Quinn shuffled forward, closing the remaining space with a sheepish look on her face as she was caught in her fear. A clammy, pale hand grabbed hers, squeezing and drawing her eyes upwards. Warm brown and amused emerald eyes met hers.

Cat spoke up, caressing the small body sleeping soundly on Jade's chest. "Lucy Quinn Fabray, we would like to introduce you to your god-son, Mychal Carson West." Lightly uncurling a tiny fist, Cat raised one of the baby's hands in the air, "Mychal, this is your Auntie Q, she's kind of a big deal." They'd kept the name they had picked out a secret from everyone until this moment.

A choked sob ripped from Quinn's throat as she laughed at Cat's teasing but she took the small hand in hers, lightly running her thumb over the infinitesimal fingers and fingernails, shaking it slightly. "It… We have waited so long to meet you, Mychal. I will look after you always, like you were my own." With that, she lent in and pressed a kiss to the smooth skin of his forehead. Mychal hummed slightly and readjusted his grip on Quinn's finger, squeezing tighter. The three women shared a laugh with tears in their eyes. Their little family was forever changed from that moment on, but none of them could find a reason to dispute this change.

_The voice gets louder as it gets closer, causing Quinn to raise her head and turn towards the rest of the grove of trees. All three women watch, as it grows closer, bringing innocence and wonder and curiosity with it like a tornado ready to take anyone down when caught unawares._

"_Auntie Q," the small voice calls again as it gets within shouting distance. "What you doin' all 'lone? Why you not stay wit' me?"_

_By now the small voice has a small body that is distinguishable among the scenery: a dark mop of hair, light blue eyes that flash with green and brown when up to no good, a caramel complexion that won't burn in the summer time but isn't overtly not Caucasian, dressed in the blue Oshkosh-Bigosh overalls and white long sleeve shirt Quinn put him in earlier. Granted, the white shirt is stained with gray, brown, and green, God only knows where he got those from considering it is still before noon, and his little Sketchers are scuffed from too many days on the jungle gym, but damn does he looks as handsome as he did the day he was born._

_Quinn's heart lifts as she sees her little man running, toddling, towards her like any almost-four year old would. She loves him as much as she did the first moments she laid eyes on him in that hospital room and her chest fills with warmth as he flings his little arms around her neck in a hug. He presses a wet kiss to her tear-stained cheek and looks questioningly back and forth between her eyes, still waiting for an answer._

"_Oh, baby. I didn't leave you. You know I would never leave you. Auntie Q was just talking with your mommies, I still miss them sometimes, you know?" Quinn kisses the top of his head as she rocks him for a few seconds._

_Always the questioning mind, Mychal wonders, "Can I talk wit' Mom and Momma, too? I miss 'tem lots, 'specially at bed times."_

_The frown that falls on his little face makes Quinn's heart hurt for the loss no child should experience this young. She turns her gaze to her friends and finds them watching her and their son interact. Both are crying, but they are smiling, too. After a few moments, Jade nods._

"_I think they'd like that, baby. Go give them a kiss and let them know how much you love them okay?"_

_Mychal nods, wiping his face with chubby fists and pushes away from his aunt's lap. Slowly, he takes small steps through the grass. When he gets close, he stoops a little to smell the lavender flowers Quinn brought with her this visit. He then charms three hearts as he did only a few years before._

_With as much tenderness as a child his age can, Mychal clasps the cold stones, one by one, and presses kisses to the tops, just above the names scribed on the marble. 'Caterina and Jade West, loving daughters, sisters, friends, lovers, and mothers taken from this world too soon.' Quinn, flanked by Jade and Cat hovering just behind and above her, watch on as he kisses his mothers' head stones; they almost miss what he whispers. "I love you, Mommies. Always an' forevers, like you say. Family is forevers."_

_With a loving smile, Quinn reaches out a hand after standing up and dusting off the seat of her pants and her knees. "C'mon, little man, let's go see what San and Britt are cooking up for lunch, huh? Maybe Franny and Lucy can join us, it can be a mini-family reunion."_

_Electric blue eyes light up, "Yay, I love when Tana make a spicy lunch! Bye Mom, Momma!" With one last glance over his shoulder, mimicking his aunt, the toddler waves at the stones, and his mothers, before skipping along beside the blonde, clutching her finger as he always has and humming under his breath._

**AN: This is it guys. It's been a long road and I apologize again for that, but thank you to everyone who stuck with me the whole way through. I hope you liked my little twist there at the end, J and C's deaths were one of the few ideas I had basically from the get go. Anyway, I may or may not be writing something again soon, so check back now and again and see what else may come up.**

**As my family and I say, Family is forever, and you all are my writing family, so thank you for being here.**

**Xox**

**B**


	20. This is NOT an Update

This is not an update (considering this story is complete) but I feel I need to make something clear. Recently I've received a few reviews for this story. Normally, I'm pumped about reviews and can't wait to hear what people think of my writing, even if it's something I wrote a while back. But when it's a **"guest" review** that just **bashes on something or asks stupid questions** just to ask them, I get annoyed and immediately delete them. If you have questions or a criticism and you want to ask it like a _human being_, then log in (or create an account if you really don't have one, at which point it begs the question: why even review then?) and ask me or comment. That was I can actually PM you back with a response, which I'd assume is the reason you'd be asking the questions in the first place. So people please, thank you for reading my story but if you review as a guest and say something stupid or nasty, I'm going to just delete it. I'm sorry to my lovely reviewers who this is not directed to who read this, but it is starting to get on my nerves and makes me much less motivated to post the couple of things I am working on currently. Hope everyone understands, thank you.

Xox B


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